


i take the long way home

by javajoy



Category: Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: Ben Solo has a Ph.D in braiding hair, Dry Humping, Eventual Smut, F/M, Force Bond (Star Wars), Force Dyad (Star Wars), Injured Kylo, Injured Rey, Kylo Ren Needs a Hug, Lovesick Kylo, Oral Sex, Protective Rey (Star Wars), Smut, Star Wars: The Rise of Skywalker Fix-It
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-02-18
Updated: 2020-08-17
Packaged: 2021-02-27 19:21:18
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 30
Words: 59,039
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22780909
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/javajoy/pseuds/javajoy
Summary: "No," He starts. "I would like," Kylo thinks, "nonhostile communication, between us." Rey blinks. "Whenever the Force connects us. No more silence." That was something he wanted and would give anything for. "As well as the opportunity to give my apologies."To his relief, Rey takes a moment to absorb his offer, quietly asking. "And if you can't help the Resistance win?"Kylo knows the greatest loss he could give. "I'll," He could offer to never speak to her again, but if she feels the same longing that plagues him, she wouldn't be tempted. He knows what she couldn't refuse. "If the Smugglers lose the war, I'll abandon the First Order, and join the Resistance."
Relationships: Kylo Ren/Rey, Rey Niima/Ben Solo, Rey/Ben Solo, Rey/Ben Solo | Kylo Ren
Comments: 155
Kudos: 375
Collections: Ijustfellintothissendhelp





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> I had a cute idea and I don't have anything better to do

💫💫💫

Three months have passed since Rey last saw Kylo Ren on Crait. The winds of the planet drifting salt into their wounds. They were both still freshly bloody and bruised from the throne room fight that had occurred on the Finalizer.

He was on one knee, holding something she couldn't identify, looking up to her with those big olive brown eyes. Their final force connection.

Rey wouldn't yield to his sad eyes just as he hadn’t yielded to hers. She would close him out of her mind for _good_ , shut the ramp to the Millennium Falcon in his face.

But the connection refused to end.

A vision of Kylo Ren appeared to her only hours later, they both lacked the privacy at the moment to lash out but the _rage_ that flowed between them was overwhelming. The duo was forced into a mutual disregard of the other.

No words or acknowledgments passed between them, the entire thing felt very much like a petty, childish game of pretending the other didn't exist.

A game which Rey was _beyond_ willing to participate in. She would repeat the truth to herself until she believed it: Ben Solo is _dead_ , only the cruel Kylo Ren remains. He who cares for nothing and no one before his intergalactic throne.

She had her friends and Leia Organa to lean on, Rey also had the Resistance to rebuild and protect.

The Resistance had allies that were scattered across the galaxy, from the Inner Core worlds all the way to the Outer Rim. They just needed to give their allies and sympathizers the extra push they needed to officially join the Rebels and their cause.

Leia had plans, the General was quick to start listing their options as well as calculating their losses. She advised every Resistance member that hope was still with them, and that while they had lost today, they would live on til tomorrow.

Rey had only spent a short amount of time with Han Solo, Kylo Ren, and Luke Skywalker; her time spent with the family had granted her the ability to look past the hope presented in Leia's speech.

Rey could see in Leia's eyes that she felt that the Resistance had already lost so much, and Leia herself had lost too much.

Rey couldn't save her son.

The occasional lack of privacy the Force connection presented Rey was something that made her hopeless. Rey couldn't talk about any and all battle strategies without Kylo Ren just appearing before her unannounced.

Snoke had claimed that he was the one to bridge their minds and Rey believed him. Rey was so sure that her vision of Kylo on Crait had been a result of the last remnants of Snoke's force energy finally dissipating into the galaxy.

Yet Kylo kept lingering just behind her, a dark shadow of a path she could have followed.

Rey should have known that Snoke was a liar, after all, she knew that _he_ was the one to seduce Kylo Ren to the dark side with false promises and exaggerations of his family history; but there was something else that Snoke had said:

He called them a Dyad in the force.

Equals in the cosmos, dark rises and light to meet it, along with all the other kriff he said.

Whether or not Snoke was the one to connect them didn't matter. While the former Supreme Leader _may_ have made the one lone decision to bridge their minds together, and it was they who strengthened it.

Rey was ready to fight and scream during every force connection and Kylo was always taunting and challenging. They both pushed into a connection they wanted nothing to do with, building upon it, and potentially solidified it when their hands touched.

The boy who cried for her, touched her hand. Touching his skin turned the force around her, enclosing her in a warm embrace, showering her with visions of their future. Ben Solo, returned to the light, Rey holding one of his hands and Leia holding the other.

And Kylo had killed Snoke for her, he had _begged_ her to take his hand and join him.

Rey wanted Ben's hand, but it was only the shadow of him who offered it to her. Kylo Ren saw his own, dark and twisted vision of their future. He yearned after his version of the future just as Rey yearned for her own, and they deprived each other of any future together.

When she left the throne room, Rey wiped her tears on her sleeves and began to scratch at her eyes when they wouldn't stop. Her heart screamed out into the universe to never let her lay her eyes on Kylo Ren again.

Until the moment he appeared before the Falcon. Rey choked on every insult and swear she longed to hurl at him. He looked so lost where he knelt before her, she briefly thought about her vision, and the part of her that still longed to save Ben Solo told her to reach out, that he would take her hand if only she offered it again.

But Rey had already begged him once to reject the dark. She wouldn't beg again.

Rey shut off the connection, not breaking her hateful glare until he was gone.

Yet the Force Bond persisted. Bridging them again and again. Drowning them in their shared hate and sorrow. Masking their own self pity by insistently ignoring the other. Ignoring the truth that lingers in the silence.

She and Kylo may have undoubtedly bonded themselves together, forever.

The very thought made Rey nauseous. She searched through the old Jedi texts, seeking out answers on what exactly a Force Dyad was and how one could unmake it. Recklessly tearing and pulling on the ancient pages, older than time, older than light, and too old to have any information on Force Dyads.

Without answers, desperation and despair threatening to rip her into the vacuum of space, Rey clung to Leia, following her advice on how she should proceed with repairing the legacy saber.

To her surprise, Leia advised her to ditch the old thing. Going as far as to toss both halves of the saber into a rubbish bin. When Leia noticed Rey's wide eyes, she said. "It belonged to two men in my family who are now dead. The lightsaber is broken and has no use to us." Leia then began to walk towards Connix, clearly wanting to move on, but she turned to Rey and gave her final thought on the subject. "I've lost enough family heirlooms to understand that not _everything_ is worth keeping."

So Rey would have to begin building her own lightsaber. Thankfully _that_ was one of the subjects the book covered.

💫💫💫

His shadow never once leaves her, the Force Bond seems to draw upon their thoughts, the longer she thinks about Kylo, the longer the Force will bridge them together.

When Rey grows suspicious of this, she locks all thoughts of him out of her head. Diving herself headfirst in any and all distractions, though no matter how far she pushes him out, it seems that she is the main thing _he_ thinks about.

Rey doesn't give in, and he doesn't attempt anything. Odd glances will sometimes pass between them, she's able to tell when he's alone because if he is, Kylo has no problem watching her like some _starving_ creature keeping himself a safe distance away from his prey.

A month after Crait, the Force bridges them together for upwards of forty-five minutes. Rey could still see the orange glow of the morning sky while she ate a small breakfast with his mother.

Kylo Rens force signature washed over her, _drowning_ her senses. Rey dropped her eyes to see Kylo perched several feet in front of her. Completely unmoving, resembling a living statue. Rey returned her attention to her food and Leia's company, but during the lull of their conversation, Leia had turned her own attention to Connix.

Rey was left alone with only her food which had lost its taste and Kylo's burning gaze on her. The only thing he did during the force bond was _watch_ her. Rey's unsure if he even blinked _once_ during the entire forty-five minutes.

She wasn't sure when their childish game shifted. When he had stopped ignoring her.

Rey had to remind herself every time the connection ended that there were occasions when he resumed the old game, but she knew that those moments could be on account of First Order meetings and whatever Supreme Leaders need to do for their daily workload.

Rey told herself that he only watched her during his free time, which was a _haunting_ realization.

She also began to understand that Ben Solo wasn't _completely_ dead. He was the ghost of the creature who haunted Rey. She could catch glimpses of him at times, the days when Kylo's force signature wasn't as overwhelming and his shoulders weren't as tense. Small traces of light still lingering within him.

During one force bond when they were alone, Rey found herself relaxed in his company. They hadn't acknowledged one another, and couldn't reach out even if they tried.

Kylo was busy with First Order work on his datapad and Rey was attempting to place together pieces of the lightsaber she needed to construct.

The connection only lasted twenty-two minutes. A cold chill crawling along her skin when the force stole Ben from her. His absence in the room brought Rey to another realization.

The two of them were trapped somewhere between rejection and longing. Unable to talk, unable to fight.

The Supreme Leader of the First Order and the would be Jedi Hero of the Resistance. Bonded across space, time, and a raging intergalactic war.

💫💫💫

Kylo Ren is a ghost that just happens to wear the mask of Ben Solo. This is the new addition to the truth Rey has to continually remind herself of.

She has to remind herself because exactly two months after Crait, Rey finally builds her new lightsaber. A blinding yellow glow and a stable beam of light. After countless sleepless nights working tirelessly to complete it, Rey doesn't hesitate to run out in the dead of night and start training with a blaster droid.

The Force connects them during this time, momentarily distracting Rey, allowing the droid to land a solid _zap_ on her shoulder.

Rey uses the force to disable the droid, keeping her lightsaber lit. She and Kylo literally _can't_ fight, she knows this and shouldn't have to keep reminding herself.

Back on Ahch-To, when she shot him with her blaster the bolt went straight through him, and she had heard about how Kylo's saber had slashed at Luke but left no damage. At least no _bodily_ damage.

She wasn't in any danger.

Rey finally turned to look at him, he was bathed in a golden light. Admiring her new saber, and looking at her with approving eyes, a touch of pride behind them along with something else. Something like awe.

It was moments like this that Rey fell for, when she truly believes Ben Solo to still be alive. The hope lifting an ache from her bones.

Mending the cracks in the heart he broke.

But then Rey always came to her senses, knowing that it was _Kylo Ren_ before her. Repeating the fact until the moment becomes suffocating.

💫💫💫

Rey had expected the war to escalate the _moment_ she had completed building her lightsaber.

And it did. Just not in the ways she thought.

Rey went on every mission she was asked to attend, joining Finn when he rescued other rebel Stormtroopers, helping Rose when she wanted to liberate slaves from a mining planet, and fighting beside Connix while on 'diplomatic' missions.

The people of the Resistance called her the Last Jedi. Rey would do everything in her power to give the Rebels hope, even if she thought she was unworthy of the title.

💫💫💫

Three months after Crait, Leia pulls her aside and inquires Rey about a _solo_ mission.

The Resistance is still in the process of rebuilding, their numbers are steadily rising, as more and more planets and bases pledge themselves to the Rebel cause as the days go on.

The Resistance had _also_ stretched itself too thin, ships were sent out without the number of men needed to guarantee a successful mission.

But the General didn't have a choice, the First Order could obliterate them with the numbers they currently have, the Resistance had to work with what they had.

Leia directs Rey to a map of the _Doran_ system with the planet Dandoran circled.

"This planet has been stubbornly _neutral_ in the war since the days of the Empire. There are those of the planet who sympathize with the Resistance and then there are the fools who are loyal to the First Order."

Reminds Rey of Jakku, she had only heard and seen bits and pieces of the First Order and Resistance. Whispers from people who supported one side over the other, not to mention the occasional poster of propaganda, but Jakku was a junkyard planet.

They had nothing to offer either side of the war, Jakku wasn't neutral by choice.

Leia seems to read her mind as she continued with "Dandoran has had the privilege of remaining neutral due to the _nature_ of its inhabitants." There was a slight hint of a smile on her next words. "Smuggler planet. An infestation of criminals and thieves, they'll kill you in your pilot's seat while they strip the entire ship the moment you land in the wrong area." A small laugh slipped out there. "Han _loved_ this place."

Rey took a closer look at the notes Leia had made about the planet. A beautiful mess of forests and oceans. "And you want me to go here?"

"From our report, the planet is currently in the middle of a civil war. One side formed a small government and is screaming out a distress signal to the rest of the galaxy. They won't join us, but if we help them, Dandoran will be in our debt and will eventually be one more planet to hide on. We can't pass up the opportunity after losing two bases to the First Order already." Leia places a delicate hand over Rey's

"I'd have to go alone even if we weren't stretched so thin, it's too dangerous and unpredictable." Rey wouldn't even be able to take BB-8 or the Falcon.

Rey can't even _imagine_ fighting a war within a war, or having the _luxury_ of ignoring the intergalactic war in favor of a local fight.

"Do you see here," Leia points at a small dot on Dandoran. "This is called the Smuggler's Basin. That's where the distress signal is coming from, that's the area you need to protect, but, I wouldn't recommend fighting _in_ that area."

Rey starts to chew on her thumbnail, "How will I know who's on which side?" she asks.

Leia shakes her head, "You'll have to find out on your own when you land. Look, I don't want you on this planet for longer than a _week_. If you can't figure out who you need to fight, you come back, if the Smugglers turn on you, you come back, if the First Order shows up-"

"I'll make sure to kill a few before I come back." Rey jokes, Leia smiles and moves her hand to rest on her shoulder.

"That's my girl." Leia's eyes go soft for a moment, "I'm sorry to send you out on a mission of this scale blind, but we have so much to gain from a victory like this."

Rey nods, wanting to lean into the kindness offered by Leia. "I know, one week or less, and I'll be back."

💫💫💫

Rey and Leia discuss their ship options with Poe, and the three of them quickly come to the agreement that Rey should be sent to Dandoran by an escape pod from the _f_ _alcon_.

When she lands on the planet, the small container won't be difficult to cover with leaves and foliage, and whenever Rey needs to return, she can contact the _Millennium Falcon_ from the ground, and await Poe and Chewbacca to land on the planet.

Before she leaves, Leia echoes her old parting words to her, saying " _May the Force be with you_."

Rey can't help but smile, not at the words themselves, but at the kindness of how Leia had passed them on to her.

They linger with her, as Rey boards the Falcon.

Rey can't deny that she's clung to Leia these last few months, and has been _desperate_ for her attention. She loves the feeling of Leia's praise and kindness and despises how it feels when Leia scolds her. Rey knows that she's looking for a mother in Leia, Kylo had cruelly pointed out her eagerness to find paternal connections in others just three short months ago.

The moment after Kylo Ren enters her thoughts, he snaps into existence beside her.

A cruel cosmic joke from the universe. Rey keeps her attention off of him as she usually does. She keeps her eyes on the window panels of the _falcon_ as they take flight, off to Dandoran.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> happy aquarius season
> 
> follow me on twitter <3 https://twitter.com/BringMeJavaAO3


	2. Chapter 2

💫💫💫

She had been is hope. His _future._

Rey closing the ramp to the _falcon_ in his face constricted a tense pain in his chest that shattered within seconds.

Kylo felt as though she had driven his own lightsaber through his heart, cauterizing the wound as the pain wreaked through his body, killing him after prolonged torture.

After the events of the throne room, after she abandoned him: Kylo knew that there was no other way this moment could have played out.

Yet, Kylo expected that the _light_ Rey claimed to hold inside of her would inspire her, would encourage her to reach out to him.

But Rey held on to her hate, and shut Kylo out.

Hux was standing at the doorway next to him, Kylo clutched onto his father's golden dice only for them to vanish into the force.

Hux goads him with questions, hidden accusations, calling him ' _Supreme Leader_ ' with pure venom coating the words. Kylo abruptly stands where he's located next to the general, Hux flinches and steps back. His fear winning out.

Kylo has to figure out a course of action for the First Order, they had just lost their opportunity to kill the last of the Rebels.

And though Kylo felt his uncle _become one with the force_ , he wouldn't be able to convince his men of the Jedi's death when they had just _seen_ Skywalkler not ten minutes ago.

He had ideas, and a vague plan, but each and every single one involved Rey by his side.

Rey who was now flying into hyperspace with his mother and his grandfather's lightsaber.

Hux continues to ramble next to him, again asking what the new _Supreme Leader_ plans to do now.

Kylo's eyes prick as the last image of Rey he had seen keeps flashing before him. Hux is raising his voice and repeating the questions Kylo can't answer.

💫💫💫

She had come to him, across the galaxy. The Stormtroopers surrounding them immediately attempted to grab her and rip open the escape shuttle she laid in, but Kylo waved them all away, quietly giving death threats if they so much as _touched_ her.

Kylo helped her out of the shuttle, doing what he could to mask his emotions. He took back his grandfather's lightsaber and placed metal restraints on her wrists. Behind him, an Officer commented that she would be strong enough to break out of them. Kylo ignored the man and escorted Rey to a nearby elevator.

The vision he had seen when he touched her skin began to replay in his mind.

He had killed the Supreme Leader, slaughtered all of the guards in the room with Rey fighting at his side. Then there were glimpses of Rey sitting next to him on the Sith throne, dressed in black, holding his hand.

Along with visions of private moments spent together in his bed.

The Force had shown him a future he could believe in, find _hope_ in.

The only thing he would have to do to set his future in motion was to kill the Supreme Leader. _Tonight_. Kylo choked on his nerves. All of those years of abuse that he had faced at the hand of Snoke, he who had claimed Kylo Ren would be the next Darth Vader.

At his side, Rey attempts talking to him, moving _closer_ to him. "You'll turn," Kylo meets her gaze, "I'll help you," she whispers.

Her eyes are hazel, exactly like the vision he had seen of her parents.

Rey had her mother's eyes and lips, her smile. She would be the exact image of her mother if it weren't for her beautiful chestnut hair. Kylo thinks back to when they sat together, and she shared her insecurities about not knowing her parents.

But she knew, Rey buried the truth of them deep within her. She had killed her parents by accident when she was a child, not so unlike how Kylo had killed his own father just days ago.

They would carry that pain together.

Rey, still untrained in the force, stronger than she knew, and blind to the rage and darkness within her.

The force had shown her a false version of the future, Kylo could never turn back to the light, "I saw my own vision of what's to come, Rey, I saw who your parents are, and I know, when the time comes: You'll be the one to turn."

💫💫💫

He had to wait for the correct moment, Kylo had to listen to Rey's screams as Snoke tortured her.

Kylo used every ounce of his training with Snoke to keep his composure, Rey's screaming echoed through his eardrums, Kylo closed his eyes and silently promised Rey that he would spend the rest of his life making this moment up to her.

An eternity side by side, Emperor and Empresses.

💫💫💫

Snoke still has Rey hovering on her knees before Kylo. Snoke's laughter fills the room as he continues on with his pointless monologue. Rey's looking up to Kylo with those sad hazel eyes, conflict is written clearly on her face. She truly does not know if he will strike her down or not.

But he will not falter, he will not risk her safety.

With a quick twist of his fingers, Kylo ignites the legacy saber, the blue beam rips through Snoke's abdomen. The action causes Rey to drop to the floor next to him, Kylo keeps his eyes on her, not even looking away to observe his dying master.

Not another word comes from Snoke as Kylo calls the saber forth, he can hear the sound Snokes body makes as the upper half tumbles to the ground.

Rey quickly reaches for the legacy saber where Kylo hovers it above her, holding his eye contact as she stands before him. There's a glimmer growing in her eyes. Rey understands the sacrifice he has made for her and Kylo know's that this is where she turns for him.

They quickly turn to fight the guards back to back, protecting one another. Rey leans against him, even placing her hand on his upper thigh for support.

Towards the end of the fight, Rey even throws the legacy saber to him so that he could kill the final guard.

His Force vision had played out _exactly_ the way it had been shown to him.

Now Kylo stands before Snokes corpse.

The reality of the moment suddenly crashing over his senses. _He had killed the Supreme Leader_. With Rey at his side, they'll have enough power to rival the hold Snoke had on the First Order.

They'll have to be ruthless at the beginning, especially Rey. Officers and Generals knew about her existence and will no doubt question her place in the First Order, Kylo will only have so much sway over their dissatisfaction.

Then there was the First Order in _general_ , a shadow of what the Empire once was. Snoke had failed with his vision of their empire, the First Order was more hated than feared, he and Rey will have to figure out a way to correct that. Together, they could make Darth Vader proud.

Behind him, Kylo can hear Rey running towards to window panel Snoke had pointed out to her earlier. "Quickly! If we leave now there'll still be time to save the Rebels!" She said, searching for the fleeing fleets.

What was she talking about? Kylo kept his gaze on Snoke's corpse, why would she want to save the Rebels?

"Ben?" At that, Kylo turns to her, even at his distance from Rey he can see the light shining within her.

She hadn't turned.

Rey still wanted to help the Resistance, Kylo couldn't hope to turn her heart with his sacrifice. He also couldn't lose her, if she wouldn't join the First Order he would have to improvise.

Kylo immediately stumbles over his words. "It's time to let the past die." Rey shakes her head

Rey who told him he wasn't alone, Rey who crossed the galaxy, Rey who was so much more than she knew. She was his future, his last and _only_ hope.

Kylo stalks towards her, attempting to sway her, but the wrong words keep coming out. Taunting her about her parents while protecting her from the knowledge of what she did to them.

"You don't have a place in this story," He continues, "You come from nothing. You're nothing." His words cause more tears to fall from Rey.

Watching her cry rips at something in his chest, he takes a step forward, "But not to me." Kylo concludes.

She's everything. The new center of his universe. Kylo extends his hand out to her.

She's still crying, shaking her head, quietly asking him to stop. Still calling him Ben. She's still holding on, and won't let go. He takes another step to her, holding his hand out more.

"Please," he begs, "Please!" Finally, Rey reaches out,

and she goes for the legacy saber.

💫💫💫

There's an ache in his chest that Kylo won't admit to. Hux is still yelling, Kylo ignites his saber and swings the beam dangerously close to Hux's face.

"Do not question me!" he orders.

Kylo storms out, a mixture of rage and sorrow shaking him as he all but _runs_ to the closest ship he sees.

💫💫💫

Snoke was dead, along with Skywalker.

Kylo had killed his father less than a week ago. He had inherited the Supreme throne, meaning he now ruled the galaxy.

Kylo had achieved every goal he had wanted in just five and a half days all before the age of thirty.

There was no pride coursing through him, just a hollow ache shriveling his heart. Kylo had an entire army at his disposal, where not a single soldier or General respected him. The gravity of his situation tore at him.

He didn't want this.

The one thing he had dared to hope to have had been stolen by a Scavenger turn Jedi that was lightyears away from him.

The connection Snoke had built between them likely died with him, the last vision he had seen of Rey on Crait was probably due to the last of Snoke's energy leaving the universe.

Kylo thinks the lost connection should cripple him, destroy his body as though he had lost a limb, but his heart keeps beating, as though Rey hadn't broken it.

💫💫💫

Then the Force bends around him, bringing the familiar presence of Rey with it. Kylo can't turn to face her, he's surrounded by his men and he knows that she's still on the _falcon_ with the Resistance.

There's nothing he can say to her and no way he can even _communicate_ with her. Kylo can hear her quiet mumbles as she talks with people he can not see, and Rey _adamantly_ ignores him.

So Snoke is dead, yet the force still connected them.

Seeds of hope repair the despair that had been building inside of Kylo. A Dyad in the force. Rey was still here. She was still bonded to him.

💫💫💫

He would have to give her the apology of a _lifetime_.

Along with space. He knows Rey is likely beyond angry with him, and given his thoughtless words he threw at her he can understand why.

Kylo's never been good at thinking on his feet.

Kylo would _also_ have to reform areas of the First Order that Rey may consider a dealbreaker. He would give Rey all the time she needed to join the dark side, and he would assure that her choice was an easy decision.

He turns the priority of the First Order from exterminating the Resistance to just patrolling planets that had already sworn their allegiance to the First Order, along with reaching out to neutral planets, attempting to discover where the Resistance and Rey, may have gone.

A week after Snoke's death, Hux approaches him with the security footage of Kylo and Rey in the elevator.

Despite his spike in anxiety, Kylo knows that there were no cameras in Snoke's throne room by the former Supreme Leaders orders, and _thankfully_ there were no microphones inside either the throne room or the elevator.

Hux questions him about the nature of the conversation he had with their Jedi prisoner but Kylo only steals the man's data pad and orders him out of the room. Kylo _then_ transfers still images of the security footage to his personal datapad, for safekeeping.

💫💫💫

Kylo begins barricading himself in his quarters. Being the Supreme Leader was far worse than he could have ever imagined.

Officers and Generals question his every move, Hux whispers about his sanity and priories.

Hux suggested that the First Order place out a bounty on Rey's head, Kylo immediately rejected the idea and threatened to have Hux killed for even suggesting it.

Needless to say, no one in the First Order could understand why their Supreme Leader had suddenly gone soft.

💫💫💫

Kylo then researches Force Dyads.

Spending countless sleepless nights dedicating himself to finding the answers that he and Rey need.

Kylo uncovers truths that repair what Rey had left broken. A Force Dyad was the result of a deep bond, a bond they had built upon themselves.

Snoke only bridged their minds, _Rey and Kylo_ created the Dyad on their own. Intertwining their souls together, until the end of time. Inseparable even in death.

They were _soulmates_ , and there was not a single future they would be happy in if they weren't with the other. Rey had to know that, in her heart. Just as she knew she killed her parents.

They belonged to each other, body and soul. However far away Rey was in the galaxy, she had to know that.

💫💫💫

Three months after Crait, Kylo sits alone in his quarters, observing the images of himself and Rey he had saved onto his datapad.

He continues giving her space, and she's given him stolen moments.

Not fighting him when they're both alone, allowing him to enjoy her company. She even showed him her golden lightsaber. He was proud of her, he cared for her. He -

There were countless apologies that he had penned, some he even took the time to memorize if an opportunity arose for them to speak.

Kylo would make it clear to Rey that they were equals, and he longed for her to join him. Longed to hear her ideas about their future. Kylo still had no clue on how to rule the galaxy, Rey wouldn't either, but they would have each other to look to.

A small notification dings from his datapad. More annoying updates from Hux about neutral planets that would be swayed to either side. The only one on the list that catches his eye is Dandoran.

A phantom pain shoots through Kylo as he thinks about how much his father loved that planet. All the adventures he had heard about it, empty promises to take him when he was older followed by his mother threatening to blast Han into the next galaxy if he dared take him to even a _neighboring_ planet of Dandoran.

Kylo buries that pain as he reads the status report.

To his surprise, Dandoran has been screaming out a distress signal. Talking about a civil war, and their willingness to negotiate an allegiance to either side that helped them win the war.

A planet of smugglers and criminals, bounty hunters and thieves. Absolutely nothing to offer the First Order, but _everything_ for the Resistance. The planet was far too dangerous for them to send even their best soldiers, the risk would be too high; but a Jedi with her own lightsaber...

There was no way in the galaxy that Leia wouldn't know about Dandoran's conflict, and with the First Orders nonexistent contact and a lull in their fight against them, _along_ with her same memories of his dad.

Leia would turn to Rey, she would tell her to do whatever she could in a short amount of time before returning if things were too dangerous. Leia would trust the Last Jedi to take care of herself.

Kylo had respected Rey's space, he had made no move to hurt her, and she made no move to hurt him.

This was the _perfect_ opportunity to go to Rey, apologize to her, and bring her _home_ with him.

Rey was headed to Dandoran. He knew it in his heart that she was.

Kylo immediately rushes out of his quarters, ordering his ship to be ready. He goes over every apology he had written for her in his head. He thinks of all the promises he would make for her. Rey had seen him in her vision of the future, she longed for him just as he longed for her. She would take his hand this time.

Before he boards his ship, the force bends and Rey is once again with him, like a promise from the galaxy.

He doesn't turn to her, he knows where she's going. Hope building in his chest, he enters his ship. Kylo punches in the coordinance and takes flight to Dandoran.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Kylo Ren crushing harder than a 12 year old girl is fun!! he's in love and writing Mr. Rey Nobody in his diary. I'm so excited with what I have planned for this story!!


	3. Chapter 3

💫💫💫

The approaching blue-green planet causes a solid lump to lodge itself in Rey's throat.

Pink moons surround Dandoran, however, where the reflection of the pale blue sea hits, it paints a few of the moons a rich lilac. The planet itself is _breathtaking,_ even at their distance, Rey can pinpoint mountain ranges, lakes, and rivers.Thick forests and deep oceans.

After months of freedom from the wasteful deserts of Jakku, Rey still can't help but shed a tear at a lush, life filled planet like Dandoran.

The _falcon_ moves into position, hovering several miles above the atmosphere of the planet. Chewbacca is quick to use their scanners, searching for other ships, Dandoran or First Order, in their line of visual area. Where Poe sits next to him in the co-pilot seat, he leans forward, pointing at a small location on their map of Dandoran.

Poe is mumbling slightly to himself as he moves his finger slightly "Here is the Smugger's center," he drawls.

"Basin." Rey corrects.

"Yeah, whatever." Poe ignores her. "Leia doesn't want you landing there, or getting to close to the area." Next to him, Chewbacca lets out a gargled laugh. "We're sending down a message to the Smugger basil, about the general area where you'll be landing. They should send someone to meet you, but I'd watch your pockets if I were you."

Poe then starts typing up a transmission for their potential allies on Dandoran.

Rey removes herself from her seat and paces around in circles. "I'm only to end a civil war, shouldn't prove too difficult." She comments while chewing on her thumbnail.

She can hear him smile during his response. "You're a Jedi with a whole week to work with, it's almost too easy, huh?"

Rey has partaken on _plenty_ of Resistance missions, and she knew that she was the best and _only_ option the Resistance had at helping Dandoran and forging an allegiance with the planet.

Still, Rey was unsure that she could actually make a difference in their civil war with only a lightsaber, staff, and Jedi title helping her.

She wouldn't die on this mission, Leia would never have sent her if she believed the Last Jedi in existence was in any danger, and clearly Leia didn't think the civil war was that serious if she gave Rey a deadline of a single week to fix it.

A planet filled with petty criminals and smugglers, dangerous and beautiful and was beloved by Han Solo.

Rey wouldn't be surprised if when she landed on the planet, she found it _filled_ with charming men and women wearing black vests and white shirts, cracking passive aggressive jokes, and claiming it was a _battle tacit._

Rey can't help but wonder if Ben had ever been to Dandoran.

No.

Defiantly not, he would have been too young at the time, and Leia would have _murdered_ Han if he even suggested surrounding their son with terrible influences.

Besides, from all that she heard about the boy formerly known as Ben, he never wanted to leave his mothers side, attending Senate meetings with her, always studying for a future like his mothers. Until Luke Skywalker thought it was time to start his Jedi training.

The force moves softly behind her, light and welcoming. A slow breeze brushing against her. Rey tightens her stance and continues chewing on her thumb, keeping her eyes on the floor. She won't turn and face him, she can't.

Rey knows that right now, Kylo Ren will be wearing the mask of Ben Solo. Seeing him as she wants him to be, as the man she-

The mask he wears now would hurt far too much, it claws at her heart, bleeding her out.

Rey chews on her thumbnail until it begins to rip off her skin. She focuses all of her attention to the sound of Poe's typing. Loud clicking, drafting a copy of the report for both the Smugglers on Dandoran and General Organa back at the Resistance base.

Even though the words are blurry from where she stands, she can tell by Poe's demeanor that he's including inappropriate jokes and quips throughout his status report. She can already see Leia shaking her head when she receives her copy.

Kylo's still behind her, she can hear subtle shifts of his clothing as well as his occasional glance towards her. He's busy, and clearly not completely focused. However, there was a _softness,_ a sense of-

These were the force connections that she dreaded most. When his company wasn't unwelcome, where his gaze warmed her, instead of burning holes in her flesh.

Rey could just picture his face, the slope of his nose, his freckles and moles scattered across his pale face and neck. Soft black hair, brushing past his shoulders. A slight twitch at the edge of his lips, a ghost of a smile.

She needed to know if the dark circles under his eyes were more pronounced, if he was sleeping enough-

Rey couldn't do this, thinking about Ben hurt too much. He was only four feet and an entire galaxy away. Too close and too far.

Rey had to remember who Kylo Ren truly was, and whoever he was, he had no desire to join Rey in the light.

A slight metallic taste hits Rey as her thumbnail begins bleeding, she pins her thumb inside her palm and looks to Poe.

"Are you done typing yet?" She speaks quietly, though she knows Ben can hear every word.

"Just about." Poe drawls out the sentence, annoyingly so.

Rey then starts to work her teeth against her lower lip. "Hurry up then," she mumbles. Rey turns her head slightly, not enough to see Ben, but close enough -

She's being foolish, as always.

"Okay, that should do it." Poe states, finishing his report. Rey turns her attention back to him and feels the force drift Ben away from her, slow and soft. "Dandoran is expecting you."

Rey mumbles her thanks to both Poe and Chewbacca, heading straight for an escape pod. Crossing the hallways of the _falcon_ , passing old memories and the occasional porg that had nested themselves inside the ship.

Rey catches glimpse of herself in the reflective window of the escape shuttle and notes she looks exactly as she did when she left for Ben. Same hair, same clothing, new scars.

Rey shuts her eyes and wills the memory away, waiting for Poe and Chewbacca to release her into the dead of space. She punches in a few codes of her own, then feels the shift below her.

Sliding quickly out of the _falcon_ , completely weightless inside her tiny shuttle. She feels a slight vibration move throughout the pod as it takes flight towards Dandoran.

💫💫💫

The shuttle lands in an extremely wooded area, the trees surrounding her are colored a deep, almost royal blue bark. The foliage growing off of them exist in various shades of teal and lime green, Rey thinks about how she found them quite beautiful from a distance, but the sight was rather unfortunate up close.

Once she evacuates, Rey begins ripping off large leaves and whole branches of trees to cover the pod. Making quick time, not stopping until she can't see a single inch of metal beneath the foliage.

Then, Rey stands still, listens for running water. Poe had assured her that he would land her near a fairly large river which she would follow north until she reached whatever informative that the Smuggler Basin had sent to meet her, which there was actually no _guarantee_ that they would even be there.

When she can't hear anything above the rustling leaves and lively alien animals, Rey begins to circle the area, after several minutes it seems she's covered enough ground as the faint sound of a stream can be heard.

Rey strides her way towards it, and sure enough, she's headed the right direction. She's faced with a small brook, flowing with it clear, quick running water. Rey smiles lightly and reaches for her compass.

She's holding it eye level, waiting for the needle to point her north, however her attention slips as the force whispers to her, and Rey can hear slight shuffling in the surrounding forest.

Far too loud to be an animal. Rey lowers the compass and keeps a tight grip on her staff, turning her gaze around the clearing.

There's a slight twitch in one of the bushes across the brook, with a human shadow falling off of it.

"Come out. _Now_." Rey tells them. She knows that whoever is hiding from her can't hurt her, but she won't allow a potential spy to report her presence.

A small gasp comes from the bush, the branches tremble as the figure moves, leaves and flower petals tumble and fall from it. Suddenly, a young girl emerges from the bush and stands before Rey.

Rey lets out a small breath. The girl she sees can't be that much younger than she was. Maybe seventeen?

The girl was dressed in dirty blue robes, which hung loosely over her small frame. Rey could see that her cheeks looked hallow. She took a step towards the girl who took a panicked step away from her.

"It's alright," Rey said, "I'm not here to hurt you." The girl looked unconvinced, leaning farther away as Rey greeted herself. "I'm Rey, a Jedi from Jakku." She offered. "Can you tell me your name?"

The girl looked Rey up and down, running a shaking hand through her curly hair. "Lorle." She whispers.

Rey smiled at her, "Hi Lorle, it's alright." Lorle was so small, Rey thought about all those nights she spent on Jakku starving, she shouldn't be surprised to find other girls like her scattered across the galaxy. "Are you hungry Lorle? Do you need any food any help?" She asked

Lorle covered her face, her shoulders began to tremble greatly, loud choked sobs started to fall from her.

Rey took a step towards her, "Lorle?" At her name, the young girl looks up, her eyes are a clear blue, she throws down her arms and runs to Rey.

"You have to help me!" She cried, closing her arms around Rey's waist. "I'm in so much trouble!" Lorle continued.

Rey places her hand on Lorle's back, raising her staff and looking back through their clearing, as though danger were about to attack them both. "What's going on, Lorle?" Rey asks.

"I'm so scared!" She cries again, adjusting her hold on Rey. Loud wailing emits from her as she continuously pushes and pulls at Rey.

Rey tries to run her hand in circles on the girls back to comfort her. "It's alright Lorle, I'm here. I was sent by the Resistance to help with the war." She tells her.

"The Resistance? Is that true?" Lorle pulls away slightly. "I'm from the Smugglers Basin, are you helping us? or..." Rey's quick to reassure her.

"Yes, I'm supposed to follow this brook to a larger river to meet an informat from the Smugglers side, would you want to follow me -" Lorle wraps her arms tighter around Rey, and cuts her off.

"No! I'm so afraid of the war! I couldn't possibly!" Lorle exaggerates.

Rey tries to thinks about how she could comfort the girl, attempting again to rub circles on her back while she waits for the right words to find her. "Oh, well do you want me to walk you back -" again Lorle cuts her off.

"No! You have to meet with the informat!" She cries. "Just promise me you'll win the war!" Rey knows she shouldn't promise such a thing, but she can't tell that to a crying teenager.

"Yes, I will do everything I can-" Lorle continues her streak of interrupting Rey.

She leans back and looks at Rey. "You must hurry! I will head back to the basin and let them know that our _salvation_ has arrived! Thank you! Thank you!" Lorle cheers as she quickly races away from Rey.

Rey's left dazed by the interaction and the rapidly changing moods of Dandorans youth.

She turns and watches Lorle race off, dashing around trees and jumping over stumps. Rey can see a large crest that's been embroidered into the back of the girls' blue robes. Crossed bones and ribbons reading 'Smugglers Basin' in common.

Part of Rey longs to chase after Lorle, ensure that she gets back to her base safely, but Rey knows that she could risk losing track of the riverbed.

Rey thinks that she could reach out with the force and follow her back that way, but that would risk letting her guard down in unfamiliar territory. Rey can't follow her, still, she doesn't move until Lorle's blue robes fade into the dark blue trunks of the forest.

Rey turns her gaze north and begins her walk along the river.

💫💫💫

The Sun of Dandoran has risen above the land, from what Rey can assume, the timezone she's in is settling in the early afternoon.

Poe had only sent her slightly out of where she had needed to arrive, but not so far out of the way that she's lost any substantial amount of time. She's only been walking for a few hours now, but the farther away she gets from where she lands, the more enchanting she finds Dandoran.

Ivy clings to the surrounding trees by the river, along with abandoned speeders and projects. Piles of scrap and poorly hidden traps. Rey keeps finding herself accidentally slowing her pace, observing the long lost scavenges that would have once fed her for weeks at a time.

Rey scolds herself, keeping her eyes fixed on the river, which continually shrinks every time it begins to expand. A frustrating endeavor, Rey wants to question if Poe had made a mistake, but she knows that she could have just picked the wrong river to follow.

She notes a slight move in the trees just a few yards beyond her. Rey tilts her head to see a tall black figure making it's way to the riverbed separating them. Too tall to be another teenager like Lorle, could be an adult from the Smugglers Basin or one of their enemies. Rey hoped that it could be the informat she's been searching for the last few hours, but the location is wrong.

Rey slows her pace, taking careful, quiet steps. She watches as the figure moves faster, racing towards the river. He comes through the trees, only his profile visible. Tall, dressed in black, messy black hair. He turns back to the direction he just came from then looks past the river.

He's no enemy, well he _was_ but -

A shiver flows through Rey.

The force can now connect her to Kylo Ren and she can no longer feel it bend reality. Nothing had changed in the force, no warning at all.

It brought them together so softly and noticeably, easy as breathing.

Finally, Kylo turns to face her and Rey drops her gaze back down to the river.

Rey continues her way north, and just as she ignores Kylo, she ignores her pounding heartbeat as she approaches him.

Too close and too far apart.

She will walk past him, and she will continue with her mission. Rey steadies her breathing as best she can, closing her eyes as she walks, he's only feet away now.

After two more steps, Kylo clears his throat. Rey freezes in place.

She opens her eyes, keeping them trained on the ground. He's next to her on the other side of the river. He's staring at her, waiting for her to acknowledge him. After three months of silence and uncomfortable visits, _this_ was the moment he decided to reach out to her?

Rey slowly turns her head.

She forgot how real the vision of Kylo that the force contentions showed her were. The way the light laid on his face, casting false shadows. Almost as real as flesh, as though she could reach out, touch his hair, his skin. Just as she did back so long ago.

Keeping his gaze is too much, Rey is forced to flutter her eyes in order to keep her composure. The monster that had killed his father, tortured her friends and rejected her help.

The boy who broke her heart, oh, how she had missed him.

There's torment in his olive brown eyes, conflict, and _sorrow_ written across his face, perfectly mixed in with his moles and freckles. Despite her best interests, hope begins to bloom inside of Rey. He stands before her, not hiding his regret, she thinks he may apologize.

After all this time.

"Rey." He says.

Her heart pounds in her chest, constricting and singing. Rey doesn't say anything, she only closes her eyes, nodding to acknowledge his words. Then she lifts up his head and holds his gaze.

He's choking on whatever he wants to say, looking where to start. The very thought pricks at Rey's eyes, she doesn't want to cry in front of him, not again. Kylo keeps opening and closing his mouth, starting to say something, then stopping himself.

She smiles, she knows that yet again, _Ben_ is standing before her. _Ben_ is finally apologizing to her. Rey knows this in the way he is looking at her, in the way the force had connected them without her knowing.

She _knows_ this is Ben.

He pauses, then says "My lightsabers been stolen."

A weight drops inside of Rey, threatening to stumble her stance. "What?" She whispers.

His face is too expressive, and she sees that he's embarrassed by his own words. "My..." He closes his eyes. "My lightsabers gone, I think it's been stolen."

Rey can't breathe, the hope she had felt blooming inside of her is quickly fading. "Are you... are you _accusing_ me?" She asks him.

He's quick to respond. "No, no, never. I was just..." He stops himself, "I _wanted_ to, inform..." he stops himself again.

"Three months," Rey says, "and _that's_ the first thing you want to say to me?" she fails to hide the pain in her voice.

And Kylo fails at hiding how her words hurt him, shame washes over his features as he takes a breath. "No." His voice his quiet. "It was my _hope_ that-"

Rey won't talk to Kylo. She was a fool who refused to admit that Ben was gone.

She continues her way north of the river. Keeping a quick pace so that she doesn't risk Kylo seeing her cry once again. She would go back to ignoring him until the force separated them from each other.

"Rey," He calls after her, " _Rey_!" she can hear the splash of the river as he crosses to her side. Rey keeps her pace, but knows Kylo is just behind her. He makes no move to grab her so she continues forward. "Rey." He says her name again.

" _Go find your saber_!" She tells him.

How one could lose such a powerful weapon was beyond her, but she knew _very_ well that Kylo was an idiot.

He stays quiet for a moment before speaking again.

"Rey. I have spent many days and countless nights looking back and reflecting upon the errors of my ways. It is my hope that with each individual apology for my wrongdoings upon you, and upon those I have reason to believe you care about, that you will, in time-" His voice is monotone and rehearsed.

"Are you reading from a scrap of paper!" Rey quickens her pace again, almost running now. Wanting nothing more than for the moment to arrive where he can no longer follow her.

Kyl does not struggle to keep up. "Rey, I have written thirty-six individual apologies and have drafted an additional _twenty-nine_." She knows he likely came up with those numbers on the spot.

"So you just memorized them all then!" An image of Kylo hunched over a desk typing up apologies to her while a Stormtrooper checks the spelling and grammar flashes before her eyes.

He didn't write _anything_ , Kylo's just toying with her as he _always_ did.

"I did in fact. I made sure to memorize every single one so that, when the moment arrived, I could give the appropriate one." He acts as though he's being sincere about his action.

Rey laughs. "I had no idea that Kylo Ren had such free time, or is it _Supreme Leader_ now. Congratulation by the way!" Her voice is bitter, and she's doing a terrible job at ignoring him.

"You could thank me!" He says, "It was a very kind gesture on my part."

Rey laughs again as hot tears fall from her eyes. "A kind gesture to apologize to me."

She's lightly horrified that Kylo might be stalking the hallway of one of the imperial ships, screaming out at nothing, he's been following her for kriff knows how long.

"In time, I hope you will find my actions and words worthy of forgiveness. For not only will I list all the times I knowingly wronged you, but I will also ask forgiveness for the times I unknowingly wronged for. Starting out when he met on the planet-" Rey lets out a frustrated grunt.

"Why are you backtracking to the speech!" She's angry and hurt, and wants him to stop talking.

Kylo huffs behind her, "It's an apology and I worked very hard on-" Rey stops walking, Kylo awkwardly runs into her, his broad chest hitting her back, pure muscle and-

Kylo quickly steps back to give her space.

Rey angles her staff between them. "Why don't you stop bothering me, and go find your saber." She spits at him.

Kylo looks around, clearly just as frustrated as she in this situation, "I was hoping that you would help me find it, or, I don't know -"

Rey scoffed. "You want me to drop _everything_ so that I can fly out to a First Order ship and help the Supreme Leader find his weapon. Not kriffing likely."

He goes quiet at that. Not offended, just slightly worried. Kylo looks around them and thinks his next words over.

"I'm, not on a First Order ship," he tells her.

She rolls her eyes, as though she'd be any more willing to travel to some First Order controlled planet.

She'd crossed the galaxy once, and she wouldn't do it again.

"Wherever you are," Rey takes a step closer to him. " _I'm not coming_."

He's holding back again, words going unsaid as he looks for how to proceed. "Rey." He says, "This planet, is full of thieves and pickpockets, as well as murders and killers. If we...don't look for my saber, I'll be...relying on you. To protect me."

So that was his new tacit if he was dumb enough to have his lightsaber stolen that was his fault. Rey wouldn't drop everything and abandon the planet just to protect him from whatever dangerous planet he had gotten himself stuck on.

Surrounded by pickpockets and thieves.

Murderers and killers.

A chill works up Rey's spine. She moves her staff closer to him and taps his shoulder. Solid, unmoving. She hadn't felt the force connect them. The villainous Supreme Leader of the First Order, bested by a pickpocket.

Rey moves her free hand to her belt, reaching for a lightsaber that was no longer there.

Not since before Lorle held her.

Trapped together on a planet in the midst of a civil war, without their weapons.

A shaking breath escapes Rey as the realization fully sets in. "You're on Dandoran?" She's foolish enough to ask what she knows to be true.

Kylo's only response is an awkward shrug.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> what's up, it's officially pisces season in this bitch, it's finally my time to fucking shine.


	4. Chapter 4

💫💫💫

Rey stood before him, a mixture of anger and confusion clouding her eyes.

She hadn't realized they were on the same planet, which could _potentially_ damage how well Kylo was doing at his apology.

He knew he wasn't doing that well, he hadn't even managed to get past the first paragraph of his apology, but Rey had been _engaging_ with him, _responding_ to him.

Everything she had said to him was out of old hurt and new anger, but she was still willing to communicate with him after months of silence.

Rey had thought he was across the galaxy, not right next to her. She holds a hand on her belt, breathing heavily. Rey jabs at Kylo again with her staff, as though he would disappear if she were to hit him hard enough.

Finally, Rey settles with holding him at a distance as she turns to observe their surroundings.

Hope blooms inside of Kylo the more time passes without Rey attempting to attack him. He notes that her shoulders are slumped, her guard is down despite the Resistance's number one enemy before her.

Still, Kylo won't tempt a change in her demeanor, keeping his distance he says "It was hours ago, some young girl who ran into me. I didn't notice until a half-hour later and I tried to chase after where I had seen her."

He had only noticed a small frame and a mess of curly hair, Kylo was tempted to shove the girl to the ground but after months of reflecting on behavior that Rey, among others, would find garish, he thought better of it. She was scared and wanted reassurance, which he attempted to provide.

Kylo is tempted to inform Rey of this, but he thinks better of it as well.

"Blue robes, named Lorle?" Rey asks, stepping away from him, scratching at the loose hair at her neck.

There was no way Rey would have been on the planet long enough to make friends with the locals, "Blue robes, yes. Why would I know her name?" At his question, Rey begins swinging her staff and bashing it into a tree.

Kylo takes a step back and watches her brutally beat the forestry.

She _is_ angry, as it turns out. Thankfully, not at him. Kylo thinks about how beautifully rage suits her, dressed exactly as she had the last time they had met in the flesh. Grey and black robes, loose hair. There's the new addition of a scar on her forearm, faded but still noticeable. It's so easy, too lose himself watching her. A problem he should work on.

Kylo brings himself back into the moment as Rey's movements slow, the wounded tree before her begging for release. "I take it you know her?" Unlike him, Rey didn't seem to struggle when it came to making friends, getting his lightsaber back shouldn't prove too difficult.

"Yes." Rey gives a final blow on her wooden opponent. "I know her. She got my lightsaber too." Rey keeps her back to Kylo, her words sinking in.

"Your lightsaber?" His voice is quick. "Your new, _golden_ lightsaber?" Kylo cringes at the aggressive tone in his voice.

"Golden? It's _yellow_." Rey mumbles more to herself than him.

Kylo's tempted to take a step forward but he keeps his place. "It's _stolen_ , how did you even allow-" Rey spins to face him, closing the distance between them quick as lightning.

Despite their height difference, Kylo flinches at her movement. "Your lightsaber has also been stolen by the same thief! You have no right to judge this situation." She's scowling at him, her staff raised in defense.

Kylo thinks about how to calm her. "You're right." He awkwardly mumbles. "What...what are _we_ , going to do?" He wasn't afraid of the smuggler side of the planet, if his father taught him anything, it was that smugglers are all talk and no bite.

The killers that make up the other half of the planet, well he would fear them less if either of them had their lightsaber.

" _I_ ," Rey takes another step closer. "am going home." She shoulders him to the side and stalks past him, south down the river.

Kylo's quick to turn to follow her. "Dandoran's allegiance to the Resistance is invaluable, you're really going to leave after a few hours?" He couldn't care less about the Resistance, but he was counting on more time with Rey to convince her to join him.

"My lightsaber is gone! I very well can't win a war with only my staff." Every few steps, Rey swings her staff at loose ivy and thin bushes, venting out her frustration. "I'm going back, building a new one, and never speaking to you again."

He can't have that.

"No, no Rey." Kylo wants to move closer but know's that Rey wouldn't hesitate to beat him as she does the forestry. "We can find our lightsabers and..." His words fall short as he's sure saying _'we can finish my apology'_ is not what she wants to hear.

"And what!" She demands, turning to face him again. "And you'll promise to never hurt me again, give some half assed apology and ask me to join the First Order?" Rey brings her staff dangerously close to Kylo's face. "You have no intention to atone for what you've done. I once said that I knew everything I needed to know about you, and I was _right_. If you think you can give me those big sad eyes and I'll come running back-"

"I'll help the Resistance win Dandorans allegiance." The words leave him before Kylo can fully think them over. "You want me to atone, and I want to apologize. If you stay here, with me, I will do everything in my power to help the Smugglers win their war."

He may not have his saber, but he still has his force abilities. Not enough to destroy an army, but enough to inspire fear. They could improvise weapons, Rey was a scavenger, there shouldn't be an issue with building blasters for themselves.

Rey's response is only slightly delayed "You can't convince me that the only thing you want out of this is for me to listen to your thirty-nine memorized apologies -"

"Thirty-five," Kylo unfortunately mumbles.

"Do you truly believe that I'm interested in listening to thirty-five separate apologies!" Her voice has risen now. "I know you, and I haven't forgotten that you asked me to rule the galaxy with you." Kylo doesn't think that would be an unfair trade, but he doesn't want to question Rey about it.

"No," He starts. "I would like," Kylo thinks, "nonhostile communication, between us." Rey blinks. "Whenever the force connects us. No more silence." That was something he wanted and would give anything for. "As well as the opportunity to give my apologies."

To his relief, Rey takes a moment to absorb his offer, quietly asking. "And if you can't help the Resistance win?"

Kylo knows the greatest loss he could give. "I'll," He could offer to never speak to her again, but if she feels the same longing that plagues him, she wouldn't be tempted. He knows what she couldn't refuse. "If the Smugglers lose the war, I'll abandon the First Order, and join the Resistance."

He can hear the small gasp that comes from Rey, her hazel eyes blown wide. Considering his offer. Panic seeps into Kylo's skin.

He knows he can never return to the light, and a part of Rey must understand that as well. He was offering her more than he would receive. But, if she wanted Ben, he would offer the small part of himself he still couldn't kill, after all these years.

Rey whispers her agreement before stating it firmer. Holding out her hand to shake on their deal. Kylo quickly removes his glove, and delicately reaches out to hold Rey's hand.

The very contact of her skin has the force flashing more visions of a false future before him. Rey clad in sheer black clothing, holding a red dual edged lightsaber, smiling up at him.

He doubts Rey is witnessing the same vision, she had claimed a different future when they had spoken in the elevator.

Rey _does_ see something, and its presence brings small tears to her eyes. She tightens her hold on his hand, clearly not wanting her vision to leave her.

Before letting go of his hand, Rey reaches for where his glove is held in his other hand. Once she has it, she tosses it into the river. "Lose the other one then." She says, finally letting go of him.

Rey slowly twirls around where she stands, placing a hand on her forehead. Kylo does as she asks and throws his other glove into the river. Doubt sits heavy on his shoulders, suddenly plagued with the same anxiety that Rey has about stopping an entire civil war they know _nothing_ about.

"There's a member of the Smugglers Basin that's waiting for me just north of this river. They have information about what I'm...what _we're_ expected to do. Lorle is a member of the Smugglers Basin, so there's a chance that whoever we're meeting will know about her and find her before she sells our weapons." Rey tells him, not meeting his eyes.

Kylo thinks on that, gesturing around them. "There's scrap on every inch of the planet, plus I'm betting hidden goods if we look hard enough. I know how capable you are, so, we shouldn't have to worry about protecting ourselves." Rey then leans to the ground, observing an old speeder that's been covered by wildlife. "Not to mention, if that girl was able to identify powerful weapons like lightsabers, there's a chance she's seen them before."

Rey turns to meet his eyes. "You think old lightsabers could be on this planet?" They would be ancient, almost forty to fifty years old.

Kylo buries the grief that follows his next words. "My...father, always told me that anything you could ever need would be on Dandoran. We might even find a kyber crystal." He weakly offers.

At the memory of what happened to his father, Rey turns from him. Thinking over old pain and the possibility of building a new lightsaber. She wouldn't trust him with it, despite the deal that stands between them.

Rey stands back up, keeping her eyes low. "This way's north." She says as she walks back next to the river.

Kylo follows her at a closer pace than before. After a few yards have passed he speaks again.

"Starting with my wrongdoings on Takodana, when we first met, and I chased you through the forest dressed in black and masked. I understand now how that action frightened you, and you rightfully called me a creature in a mask at a later time, which I very much was. I then used the force to restrict your movements and-"

Rey doesn't turn back to acknowledge him. "Are you _honestly_ back on the apology speech?" She asks.

"I thought it would," He pauses, the says "help pass the time." Kylo says meekly.

Rey lets out what sounds like a light laugh. "Can I ask what number this apology is out of the thirty-five?" There's a genuine curiosity in her voice as she continues walking along the river.

Kylo swallows. "It's number seven, I've felt that it was always the strongest out of the others, if not..." He felt that out of every apology he had written, this one was the most pathetic, but that wasn't something he wanted Rey to know. "poetic."

Somehow that was just as bad.

Rey then lets out a louder laugh. "Leia said you where a studious child; should have known that you would be the type to write poetry."

The mention of his mother's name feels very much like a knife through his heart. There's too much pain to be found when he thinks about his parents, so Kylo often buries all emotion regarding them.

Still, knowing Rey and his mother were close, knowing that his mother still shared stories about him.

Kylo buries whatever feeling builds in him, and continues. "I then used the force to restrict your movements and threatened you with my lightsaber. I also pressed into your mind without permission, telling you vague threats. I-"

Rey stops him. "Silence is just as good, yeah?"

She still needed time, Kylo would give her that.

After they met with the Smuggler informat, he would be able to slip in long overdue apologies among battle strategies. He had an unknown amount of time to win the war and show Rey that he was capable of change.

If he failed, he would be drowning in light, surrounded by people who want him dead and his mother's disappointment.

They had to win this war.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> it's pisces season, you know i had to do it to them


	5. Chapter 5

💫💫💫

She regretted telling him to stop talking.

Twenty _agonizing_ minutes had passed since they started their way north of the river. The silence was _deafening_ , Rey's mind was reeling and going back over the deal she and Kylo had made.

A voice of reason was whispering in the back of her mind, telling her that he was not to be trusted, and he would quickly break the deal that they had made if it didn't end the way _he_ wanted it to.

Kylo was loyal to no one, but the foolish part of her that wanted him to change, that wanted Ben Solo to come home longed to believe...

He had sworn to the deal, shook on it, and if even a single once of his word was genuine, Rey would ensure that Dandoran was lost to the civil war, that the Smugglers wouldn't stand a chance against their enemies.

Rey couldn't believe his offer, that he would even _consider_ risking the possibility.

Kylo knew very well that neither of them had their lightsabers, what he didn't know was their deadline. She wouldn't lie to him after they met with their informate she would tell him that they only had a week.

There's no possible way that she and Kylo could win the war with only blasters at their disposal. She would have to delay getting back their weapons. Kylo was right, they could rebuild them once they returned to the Resistance.

Rey let out a light sigh.

Bringing Kylo/Ben to the Resistance Base would be another problem. Rey was sure that the average Resistance member wouldn't have the slightest clue as to what the former Supreme Leader of the First Order would look like.

But, Rey also knew that Kylo had a public temper tantrum on Crait when he fought a vision of Luke Skywalker. Hopefully he would have been far enough away that no one would be able to identify him.

As far as Rey knew, there was only Leia, Finn, and Chewbacca. Leia would happily welcome home her son, she wouldn't hesitate.

She would hold her son and help him adjust back to the light side, just like in her vision. Chewbacca and Finn were another story. Chewbacca and Kylo were on rocky terms, and that's putting it _lightly_. Rey worried that Chewbacca would instantly employ his ' _Shoot first, ask questions later_ ' tactic.

That was another problem with Finn. He had seen Kylo's face, he had watched him kill Han. Finn had _also_ witnessed Kylo Ren's reign of terror back when Finn was still a stormtrooper.

Rey had meant to sit down with Finn, or anyone. Tell them about the force connections with Kylo, about the man behind the deeds, about _Ben_.

Losing the war will be easy, but bringing a kicking and screaming Kylo back to the Resistance where the average person will want him dead once they learn about his identity.

Kriff, did he have to be so unlikeable?

There was another problem, sabotaging the war without his noticing. Rey knows very well he won't follow her orders blindly, and as the ' _Master_ ' of the Knights of Ren, Kylo was familiar with war. Even if he spent his entire time as Supreme Leader writing her apology letters.

Kylo claimed that there was a possibility they could find old lightsabers or even a kyber crystal and build themselves new weapons. _Kriff._

He wouldn't remember Lorle's name, as much as it killed Rey to lose the lightsaber she had just built, she knew that parting with their weapons was the step towards her goal.

Then there was still the issue of his planning battle strategies. Rey could almost hear him thinking and scheming behind her. She'll need to distract him without drawing too much attention.

Rey might just have to ask about the other thirty-four apologies he had written for her. That should buy her a day or so, but it wouldn't be enough. She could accidentally ' _miss_ ' their informat. No information about the war, who they were fighting, or what they needed to accomplish.

No, Rey knows that Kylo would claim that the deal was rigged, which he would be right about. They had to meet the Smuggler informat, she would need another option. Rey started to slow their pace.

Her time to plan was also running out, the river they followed was steadily expanding, and the sound of rushing water only grew louder.

Dread filled within Rey, whatever lake they were searching for was fast approaching. The side of the river they walked along was taking them down a slight slope that seemed to only grow steeper further ahead, slowing their pace even more.

The ground was muddy, loose rocks and sticks lodged within it. Rey could see tracks of animals that attempted to cross and fell on their way. Behind her Kylo mumbles for her to be careful, just a heartbeat later she hears him lose his footing but he ultimately maintains his balance.

Rey steadies herself, the _perfect_ distraction, minimal suspicion, he wanted to atone for her, to prove himself a better man.

"I know how to walk, thank you." She keeps a harsh tone to her voice, grateful that he can't see her face. Rey takes hard steps in the mud.

Kylo's voice is filled with concern. "Rey, you could be _hurt_." Rey stumbles in front of him, she can hear him move to help steady her.

"I don't need your concern." Rey says, taking another hard step, her left foot slipping and sinking deep into the mud. She spots a large rock about to dislodge itself. If she placed her right foot just so, the rock _should_ help her injure herself.

Just enough for a sprained ankle, just enough to set them back.

Behind her, Kylo huffs. "Don't be stubborn, Rey," He finally reaches for her forearm. "At least use your staff for balance-"

The moment he makes contact with her arm, Rey turns her upper body towards Kylo. "Do not touch me!" Rey pulls her arm away and slams her right foot on top the rock she had seen.

Her foot slips off the boulder, and the momentum dislodges it, with a twist of her leg the rock painfully falls on top of her ankle.

A sharp cry and a _painful_ burn shoots through her as Rey begins to drop, Kylo's quick to jump behind her, wrapping his arms below hers.

When he stumbles and slips while supporting her, Kylo adjusts his stance, moving his leg to stand on a nearby rock.

The sudden weight above where her ankle is lodge results in a large _crack_ sounding out, Rey lets out a screaming cry as pain quickly begins to course through her body.

Kylo removes his leg, awkwardly pulling and dragging Rey out of the mud.

Rey can't comprehend what's going on.

She feels as though her ankle has been lit on fire and she can't control the uncomfortable sobs that fall from her.

Kylo pulls her flush against him, wrapping a strong arm around her chest and another just under her knees. He lifts off the ground and begins walking towards the river.

"What are you doing?" Her words are rushed and pathetic.

This was not her intention and she was a fool for doing this to herself.

Kylo is taking easy steps as he works his way across the river. "The ground is more stable over there and theres what looks like dry grass." He's trying to keep his voice calm for her, but Rey is restless in his arms, pulling and scratching.

Rey couldn't breathe, she desperately wanted to move, to put pressure on where the core of the pain was.

She was thrashing childishly in his arms, and Kylo could only tighten his hold on her, attempting to keep them both from falling into the river.

She feels as his steps become more grounded as he heaves them both out of the river. Walking far enough away from the water to keep them clear of mud. Kylo's slow about setting her down, despite her continued thrashing. When she's finally free of his arms, Rey curls into herself, clutching at her lower leg, too afraid to touch her ankle.

He places an unsure hand on her upper back. "Rey," Kylo says, "I'm sorry, I distracted you, and," There's pain in his voice. "It's my fault. I'm sorry." He reaches down to where she's holding her leg.

Rey pulls slightly away.

"No, no, no," She begs, "Please don't touch it." The burning sensation hasn't gone away, and her ankle is now pulsating beneath her boot. She was so stupid and too impatient to think of a different plan. "It's not your fault," Her words are quick. "I'm fine, I'm _fine_."

They would just move on from this and never mention it again. Kylo never stood a chance of winning the war, and her selfishness to ensure his loss has led to this terrible moment.

Kylo keeps his gentle hold on her back, looking around the area. "Rey, I'm going back for your staff, it will only be a few moments."

Once his back is turned, Rey is tempted to rip off her boot and see whatever she had done.

She had injured herself countless times on Jakku and was all too familiar with walking on a sprained ankle or swollen feet, but the pain that was pulsing through her was far worse and far more intense.

The pain that erupts from simply _adjusting_ her ankle is too much to bear.

Rey knows she has to power through the pain, they've already lost so much time, the Smuggler that was sent to meet them wouldn't keep waiting if they continued to waste his time.

Using her good ankle, Rey moves to stand, gritting her teeth as she pulls upwards. Once she's off the ground enough, Rey places her injured ankle tentatively on the ground.

Even the slight touch of the ground shoots blinding pain through her that has Rey grinding her teeth.

Rey then places weight on the ankle, blacking out, collapsing to the ground.

Kylo's quick at rushing to her side, dropping her staff next to them. Kylo reaches for her, pulling her closer to him.

"Rey, what is it?" His voice was just as panicked as she feels. "Is it your leg, or ankle?" Kylo reaches for where she had been holding.

"It's nothing!" Rey's voice is entirely unconvincing. "It's nothing, I'm fine." She starts to wiggle out of his hold, reaching for her staff.

Kylo pushes it away from her hand. "Just tell me what it is!" Kylo then moves to cup her face. "I heard something snap, was it your ankle? Do you have bandages?" He then looks her up and down as though a medical bag will magically appear before them.

Rey pushes against him. "Nothing is wrong, we have to go, we have to meet the...the," Rey throws her head back. "the guy, the kriffing guy." She whines.

Kylo runs a thumb over her cheek. "Rey, if you're hurt we have to check on-" Rey shakes against his hold.

"No, no, we've wasted too much time!" She cries, placing a hand on Kylo's shoulder, attempting to push herself off the ground. "We need to get to the lake!" Rey places her ankle on the ground and chokes on a scream.

Kylo then pulls Rey into his lap and keeps a tight hold on her. "Rey, you have to stop being stubborn-" Rey buries her face into his shoulder.

"Yes whatever! I think I broke my kriffing ankle, but we need to meet the kriffing guy at the kriffing lake, so you can tend to this kriffing injury when we get there!" She's very much screaming in his ear, rolling around in his hold.

Kylo moves his hand under her legs again and Rey begins to weakly pound her first against his chest.

"Do not carry me like some kriffing bride!"

Even if she was planning on losing the war, Rey wasn't about to stroll up with Kylo, like some newlywed couple, to whatever informat that the Smugglers had sent to meet her.

She wouldn't be able to handle the shame.

Kylo takes a breath, mumbles "Does no one say ' _fuck_ ' on Jakku?" He places her hands on his shoulders, then slowly turns his back to her. "Do you have the strength to climb on?"

Rey removes one hand to pick up her staff, placing it on her own back. She then wraps her arms around Kylo's neck, trying not to think about how her tight hold is likely choking him.

Rey drags her legs to either side of him, hissing and sobbing as her ankle screams at the movement.

Kylo snakes his hands to her upper thighs, finds his grip, then pulls her tight against him. Slowly standing, careful, waiting for any signs of pain or protest coming from Rey.

When nothing comes, hoists them both upwards, adjusting his hold on her.

He keeps a calm pace, keeping a distance between them and the river but still keeping it in their sights.

This side of the river is far more stable than the other, Rey weakly thinks that they should have switched sides awhile ago. Rey also thought that trying to sprain her ankle was a good idea, so maybe she should just stop thinking for a bit.

Kylo makes no other comment about her injury. He probably has the entire situation figured out and will refuse to ever speak to her again.

Just do whatever he has to do so he could send her back to the Resistance and be done with her. She was so desperate to have Ben back and she ruined her chance after only thirty minutes. Rey tightens her hold on Kylo, hiding her face in his hair.

Kylo's quick to comfort her, despite his awkward delivery.

"It won't be much longer, but we'll have to set the bone immediately and wrap it. Do you have a medicine bag or _anything_?" Rey's response is muffled in his hair, but Kylo doesn't have a problem understanding her. "Okay, well that should help. Are you in a lot of..." He didn't finish his sentence, but he does quickened his pace.

💫💫💫

An eternity passes before Rey feels Kylo start to move her around and place her onto the ground, she knows that realistically less than fifteen minutes have passed, but Rey very much feels as though she and Kylo have been walking for days.

He's gentle, lowering her softly.

He's placed them by the front of the lake, Rey wants to turn to look around but just the thought makes her nauseous. She can feel Kylo removing the bag that was tied to her belt. Sorting through various bandages and stitching materials.

Rey hears the slight rattle of a pill container, Kylo removes one and tries to coax her to take it. The pain medicine is weak, and Rey knows it won't change _anything_ , still, she doesn't refuse.

Finally Kylo gently pulls her swollen leg into his lap and begins to remove her boot. Rey digs her fingers into the earth, grinding her teeth together.

She doesn't look, she doesn't want to see what horrible thing she had done to her ankle. All that time on Jakku, tending after her own wounds, years of taking care of herself. She had never been so careless as to break her own bones.

"Rey," his voice is light, Rey can't vocalize a response, she nods her head where it rests in the dirt. Kylo then takes hold of her ankle and twists it, Rey feels lava flow through her bones. She screams out curses and pounding her fists onto the ground. "I'm sorry, Rey." Kylo's voice is a soft background noise. "I had to set the bone, I'm sorry."

She can hear him reach for the bottle again, Kylo places a firm hand on the back of her neck and attempts to pour a number of pills into her mouth.

Rey doesn't protest, wanting the pain to leave her. There isn't enough to do her any harm, but she's swallowed whatever extras she would want in the coming days.

Kylo then moves and places thick sticks on either side of her ankle, quickly wrapping them in place.

The pain that had consumed her by Kylo setting the bone was slowly fading, by the time Kylo was done wrapping her ankle the pain was less than it had been before. Still unbearable, but not as all consuming.

Kylo pulls her closer and helps her sit upright.

Placing his hands on the side of her face, acting far too familiar with her. Rey weakly tries to bat one away but doesn't even make contact. She can hear faint footsteps approaching them. Kylo turns to look at them, Rey only casts a wary gaze their way.

Blue robes. The informat. "Are you with the Resistance?" She asks.

Rey can see Kylo's face cringe as he responds. "Yeah. That's us."

The woman before them laughs. "Do you have any _fucking_ idea how long you two made me wait?"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hell yeah i am on a roll, pisces season is delivering.


	6. Chapter 6

💫💫💫

Kylo fully understands that Rey breaking her ankle was his fault.

He had chased after her to Dandoran, bombarded her with apologies, then when those distractions caused her to lose her footing, Kylo stepped on top of the boulder that her foot was lodged under and he effectively shattered the bone.

Rey was rightfully angry at him, pushing him and using curses that only a child would find offensive. She kept attempting to stand on her own and refused to even let him look at her ankle until they arrived at the lake.

Rey also refused to allow Kylo carry her in his arms, he wanted to remind her that he'd carried her like that before but he quickly realized that she would have no memory of that event transpiring.

So, Kylo turned and carried Rey on his back, her arms wrapped around his neck and his hands on her thighs.

Out of all the ways he had thought of them tangled together, this situation hadn't crossed his mind. Once he was confident that he had a secure hold on Rey, Kylo immediately started brainstorming another apology for her as he carried her north of the river. Rey buried her face into his hair and he could feel her very distracting breathing against his neck.

He makes quick time, keeping his thoughts focused on getting to the lake and tending to Rey's injury. The blue trees slowly start to thin out, in between the trunks Kylo can see a clearing. He turns his gaze to where the river would lead into the medow and he views a body of water.

Kylo heads for the exact location where the river meets the lake. he is quick to remove her boot and push up the end of her trousers.

To his relief, her ankle didn't resemble the horrid image that he had been dreading it too. Using the force, he checks the exact damage that's been dealt with: One solid break high on her ankle, no

permanent damage, only extremely painful. Kylo sets the broken bone without warning and apologizes to Rey as she screams curses and insults directed towards him.

He reaches for the pathetic pain medicine she had brought with her and pours more into her mouth.

Using her upper legs as leverage, Kylo slides Rey closer to him. Reaching out to take a handful of the cool lake water, he gently sprinkles it on top of her ankle.

Attempting to ease some of the swelling and pain before the medicine he gave her begins to set in, he does this until Rey's breathing begins to settle. Then he continues with wrapping bandages around the ankle, using thick twigs to help brace the bone.

Once he's as satisfied as he can manage with such limited supplies, Kylo debates if he should begin reciting his apology to Rey as he moves to help her sit up.

But, before he can manage to get a fair hold of Rey, he notes movements at the corner of his eye. A woman is making her way towards them, wearing the same blue robes as the thief who had made off with both their lightsabers.

Her sandy brown hair is slicked back, and she doesn't hide her scowl from them. Once she's only a yard away from them she finally speaks. "Are you two from the Resistance?" She asks, Kylo can observe the silent plea in her eyes to have them _not_ be the people she's looking for.

When Rey fails to respond, Kylo cringes, admitting to a potential, _unwanted_ future. "Yeah. That's us. Rebels." The woman lets out an unbelievable laugh, holding her hands on her hips and looking at the sky.

She shakes her head. "Do you have any fucking idea how long I've been waiting for you two to show up." A loud, displeased groan escapes her. "Didn't catch the news that the Resistance was sending TWO Jedi's our way. Aren't we _lucky_?" She's talking through gritted teeth, rudely gesturing with her hands.

"I'm the Jedi." Rey states as she attempts to sit up next to Kylo. The woman before them scoffs.

"Oh!" She feigns "You're the Jedi! So who the fuck are you then!" She looks to Kylo, who panics.

Supreme Leader. Sith. Jedi Killer. None of those would work.

Once upon a time, a boy named Ben Solo used to be..."Padawan." his voice is deadpan, wishing he had thought of _anything_ else to say.

The woman resumes laughing, through her cackling she says "So, Organa sent us a Jedi and her fucking apprentice!"

The mention of his mother's name drowns him in old sorrow that extinguishes any rage that would have formed by the woman's mocking.

"We are here on her orders to stop this war, so tell us what we need to know to help!" Rey spits at her, he can see her frustration and impatience growing.

The woman leans forward slightly, returning her hands to her hips.

"Yeah, I'll get there. But can I ask: Is he even Jedi apprentice enough to have a light sword yet?" Her tone is bitter and she is clearly attempting to get a rise out of them, but her question brings up their more glaring issue.

Kylo griminess, "Yes, but-" The woman is quick to interrupt him

"But!" She exclaims, "There's a ' _but_ ' in the answer to whether or not you have a weapon!" She drags her hand to the side of her face.

Kylo does not care for this woman, at all.

Rey's the one to speak next. "A girl dressed in robes like yours stole them." The arm Rey is using to support her weight shows a slight tremble, Kylo moves a firm hand onto her back to steady her.

"A pickpocket," He clarifies, "curly hair, her name was..." Kylo thinks back to what Rey had called her, but nothing comes to him. 

"I'm sorry," The woman says, "are you expecting me to know one random girl that's on this fucking planet?"

Rey groans. "She was wearing the same robes as you that claimed her to the Smuggler Basin!" Her tone is harsh, clearly sharing his opinion about their informat.

The woman rolls her eyes. "So the blue robes mean she's on my side of the war, that doesn't mean I have any idea who she is!" Now the woman crosses her arms and takes a defensive stance.

Kylo takes a steady breath, she wasn't going to be any help to them at finding their weapons.

He moves the conversation towards _information_. "So the Smugglers are wearing a blue uniform, who are we to fight, and what uniform will they don? How will we be able to find their location?"

The sooner he can identify their enemy, the better.

The woman mimics Kylo's deep breath and responds. "We're up against the psychopaths of the Mynock Grotto. That's were all the crazed murderers and bounty hunters like to spend their time. They don't have a banner or a uniform, _which_ these bad boys _aren't_ by the way." She pulls at the hem of her robes.

He looks closer, as though there was a greater meaning to be found. Royal blue color, far too noticeable to be the everyday wear of a smuggler.

"What are the robes if not uniforms?" He shouldn't waste time on the question, but an image of his father wearing the robe comes to mind and he's curious to be honest.

She looks offended by his question, "To keep my outfit clean while this stupid war rages on." She opens the robe enough to expose an outfit Kylo's sure he'd seen his father wear on more than one occasion. White shirt, black vest.

"How can you possibly be concerned with keeping your clothing clean while fighting a war!" Rey demands of her.

The woman reacts as though she's been wrongly attacked.

"I'm not fighting any war!" She exclaimed. "All the Smugglers who haven't ditched the planet are hiding out at the basin! None of us are stupid enough to go up against those professional killers! We're only staying because we're not able to collect all the loot that's been hidden around the planet." She crosses her arms again. "I mean I'd be losing at LEAST a half million credits of things I've stolen over the years."

Cold disbelief hits Kylo. "You're not even fighting in the war?"

They had sent a distress signal screaming into the galaxy to aid them in a war they were refusing to participate in.

She shrugs before them "I'm not going in armed with only my good looks and two blasters."

"So what exactly are you expecting us to do!" Rey yells at her. Kylo can feel her building rage bubble in the force.

The woman gives them a gesture and looks at them as though they were simple minded. "We need you to kill enough of them that they leave us alone! Win the war!" She claps at the end of each sentence. "Though I've no idea how you're going to do that with a broken leg."

Kylo then removes Rey's legs from his lap and moves to help her stand. "I think we'll manage."

He gives Rey her staff to help them both balance her as he lifts her from the ground. Rey hovers her right ankle above the dirt and leans heavily on her staff.

"Thank you so much for all your help." Rey's voice is exaggerated and mocking. Kylo hopes the woman doesn't catch the twitch of a smile it brings to him.

She responds with a laugh just as exaggerated and feigned. "By the way," Kylo just knows she's making her voice shrill on purpose. "We need you to head about thirty miles that way," She points to the other side of the lake. "to Varsa Meadows where we've been having the majority of our issues."

"Are you kriffing kidding me." Rey's voice is rushed.

The woman snorts. "No, I'm not ' _kriffing_ ' kidding you. Varsa isn't their base or anything, it's just the most direct path between us and those monsters."

Kylo's voice is tight. "So why." He stops to unclench his jaw. "Did you have us land almost fifty miles away from where you needed us to be?"

"Enough with the ' _kriffing_ ' questions, go win the fucking war!" To signify her departure, she gives them a performative bow. Turns slightly to the side, and begins walking south. "Don't follow me!" She cheerfully calls, not sparing them a second glance.

He turns his attention back to Rey, her face is pale, she's swaying slightly, a death grip on her staff.

When he's sure the woman is out of view he steps closer, he's tempted to reach out and hold her face but knows she’s coherent enough to bat him away.

There was a sheen of sweat on her forehead.

They can't walk thirty miles like this.

"We can rest here," Kylo offers, "I'll look for speeders or a fathier, or..." He would happily carry her, but he knows better than to offer.

Rey looks up at his, Dandorans sun reflecting in her hazel eyes. Her breathing was labored, but not ragged. "We need to cross the lake, it'll be one less than to do once, once we have rested."

Kylo looks out at where the river and lake meet. The water was calmer than he expected it to be, and the trek across wouldn't take long, only a few minutes; however, he also knew the water could be deep.

Kylo turns his eyes back to Rey. "Don't suppose you learned to swim back on Jakku?"

She lets out what he hopes to be a laugh. "Not a very popular pastime there I'm afraid."

He figured as much. Kylo turns his back and lowers himself. Rey starts to slowly lower herself only to lose balance and fall heavily on his back. Kylo pins her legs to his sides as Rey digs her nails into his shoulders. He waits until she's secured her staff onto her back and wrapped her arms around him to stand up.

Kylo takes careful steps into the water, never moving on before his stance is secure. Making his way towards the center of the river, the deeper he goes the harder it gets.

The water rises to his ribs, submerging Rey's legs completely. His movement is restricted, keeping his grip on Rey tight, he pushes forward.

The moment that his feet touch dry land, Rey begins to remove her arms, Kylo fumbles to keep himself from dropping her. Quickly falling to his knees so she can crawl away from him. Kylo turns and watches as Rey presses her face into the grass, her eyes fluttering.

He then moves his arms under her torso and legs, pulling her off the ground once again, despite her weak protests.

He walks them farther away from the lake. Kylo can tell from the shadows cast by the trees that Dandorn is now entering late afternoon.

Rey was injured and tired, they wouldn't be going anywhere until morning.

At a relatively dry spot, Kylo gently sets Rey down. While she seems content to push her face into the dirt and await sleep, Kylo still removes his thick black vest and tucks it underneath her head as cushioning.

He doesn't leave her side until he hears Rey's breathing become even. Then Kylo takes the free moment to digest everything he needs to accomplish.

He'll need to ready a firepit for them, he's no clue how cold Dandorans nights are and he won't risk freezing them both to death. From the contents of Rey's bag he went through earlier, he knew she didn't have any portions on her, so he would also have to find food. Rey's medicine was also almost gone, and that would become a huge issue before long.

Then they would potentially need blankets for the night, and of course, weapons to protect themselves with. If Rey was unable to walk in the morning they would depend on a speeder to help them move the thirty miles they were expected to cross.

He would also have to accomplish all of this while placing half of his attention on Rey's force signature to ensure her safety from the rampage of murders and killers plaguing the land. Kylo wouldn't be able to travel too far away from where she slept, and he couldn't carry her with him.

There wasn't any time to spare either, Kylo had to start moving now and win the ' _war_ ' in however many days they had left.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> pisces season got me fucked up, hope that we're all thriving under this constellation <3 <3 <3


	7. Chapter 7

💫💫💫

There was a breeze against her, tilting her, flowing her down the grass.

The sun castes gentle, warm beams upon her. Protecting her, drying the wet clothing that clung to her skin. Faint chirping sang in the background, quietly soothing her, perfectly paired with the sound of the running water from the lake behind her.

Rey was paralyzed by the comfort of sleep which continuously softly came and softly left. Just as Ben did.

He took hold of the golden string that had been trapped inside her chest and went into the forest just beyond them, never straying for too long, always holding onto the invisible string, assuring them both of her vitality.

When Rey felt the string thinning, she would use whatever force energy she had to tug gently at it, afraid that if Ben went too far, he would never come back.

She could sense him around her, from the scent of the cloth cushioning her head to his delicate hands adjusting her. Elevating her broken ankle, draping fabric over her body to blanket her from the chill.

Then Ben would leave again, quickly returning with thick branches and broken logs. He sat next to her, and Rey could hear Ben dig at the dirt, arranging his collection of wood a safe distance from where she laid. Then, Ben would leave again.

Rey wanted to reach out, grasp at his sleeve, tempt him to stay. Her limbs were far too heavy to move, exhaustion too demanding of her.

He returns, again and again. Bringing items both heavy and small, all of which Rey couldn't manage to open her eyes to identify.

She knew she could help him. Point out what was worth scavenging and what was to be left behind. Ben brought more and more, never stalling his movements. On special return trips, Rey felt him move next to her, placing small items beside her, whispering things to her she couldn't understand.

Ben moves to leave again, Rey screamed at her body to reach out and stop him, begging the force to pass along her message that she wants him to stay. The force kept them in constant contact across the galaxy for months, and refused to allow them a moment of peace now that they were together.

Her ankle was still burning, pulsing pain into her body. There was also a new found throb against Rey's skull, accompanied by a tickle in her throat and a gnawing hunger in her stomach.

He couldn't leave her again, she refused.

Rey begged the force, the dyad, and the galaxy for Ben to stay.

She reached out to the invisible string he attached to her heart and pulled against it, refusing to allow it expand any more.

_That_ stalls his movements.

Ben returns, placing his hand against her forehead, brushing his thumb across her hair. Whatever words he gives her are muffled, but Rey understands.

Ben won't leave again. He reaches a hand across her, Rey feels the force move at his command, and feels a small heat start to build, the smell of burning wood quickly following. Then Ben turns and only walks a few feet away, reaching out with the force again.

Rey follows the will he sends out, watches as he pulls at the fish that inhabit the lake beside them. Ben stops their movements and pulls only a few of them into the air, willing them to float to where he stands.

Once Ben places the fish above the fire, Rey hears him returning to the lake, she can faintly hear him filling up water canteens for them. She needs to help him, to _thank_ him. Rey fights against herself again, only managing to open her eyes to observe the blurry fire pit that had been warming her face.

The fire is a golden yellow, with red embers flying off, dancing in the wind like crimson fireflies.

Her eyelids flutter, waiting for her vision to clear. Rey attempts to push at the ground, but Ben is at her side in an instant. Offering awkward, yet comforting words along with a gentle hand on her shoulder.

He hadn't left. Ben was here with her, he had crossed the galaxy for her this time.

Ben had offered her a deal and took her hand as agreement. Once they lost the war, he would join her in the Resistance. He would be with her forever, in the light. Just like her vision.

Rey holding Bens hand and Leia holding the other. The new family she had been dreaming of for the last three months, and unlike the family she dreamed of the last fourteen years on Jakku,

Ben was here, he had come back for her, and he was staying with her.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> pisces season is all about feeling unloved and crying, right now i'm fairly busy crying about being unloved (it's pisces season so it's okay) and that's why this chapter is sooo short. tomorrow's chapter will be long, at least thats the plan.


	8. Chapter 8

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She's stirring next to him, still not fully conscious.

Kylo once again leans down, silently urging her to ease herself back into sleep until the food is ready. Rey fights against the lull, pushing against the dirt with greater force, after a few more moments of effort her limbs falter. She's mumbling, calling him Ben.

Sleep claims her softly, and Kylo hopes she won't wake again until the fish are ready to eat.

Hunting and cooking wasn't _exactly_ a common skill to find amongst a would be Prince, Senator's son, Jedi Killer, or Supreme Leader.

Master Skywalker wanted to make sure that all his padawans knew how to fend for themselves, besides, he always thought that Han and Leia were too soft on Ben.

Dandorans sun is drifting under the horizon behind them. Darkness consumes the eastern forest, light from their fire dances across grey trees and haunting shadows. Kylo notices glowing eyes of small felines watching them from a distance.

The scent of cooking fish likely calling them and only their paranoia of larger creatures keeping them at bay. Memories of his childhood seep into his consciousness, begging for him to address them.

Kylo was usually able to crush the desire, kill the past and ancient memories that still bleed him. He had kept his mind occupied while gathering supplies, thinking about battle strategies, and how he would protect Rey. Now his body was still, and the silence was beating against his skull.

Too many reminders, small and insignificant but powerful enough to paralyze him. That woman had dressed just like his father. Now cats were stalking them, begging for food just like the strays he liked to feed way back on Chandrila before his father had bitterly told him that he had better ways to spend his time. Better things to do besides reading, feeding strays, and braiding his mother's hair.

He wanted more from him, that's what Kylo held onto all these years. Whatever Han Solo had wanted from a son, Ben Solo had not been it.

Still, deeper memories he had buried rush to defend his deceased father. Flashes of his dad reenacting smuggling heists for him, carrying him on his shoulders. Bringing his gifts and books that they both know his mother wouldn't approve of.

Rescuing blue butterflies and flying around the stars.

Buying white shirts and black vests, so they could dress alike. Like that woman had dressed. Like the outfit, Han Solo died in.

Kylo balls his hands into fists, digging his nails into his flesh, his white knuckles glowing in the firelight. He beats the memory until it fades into blackness. Ripping at images of joyful smiles and disappointed glances. Kylo had more important matters at hand, he didn't need to drown himself in familiar sorrow.

💫💫💫

He goes back to the edge of the lake. Pulls together a small collection of fish, then uses the Force to throw them into the forest. Kylo can hear the cats scurry towards the food he gifted them.

💫💫💫

When she stirs again, Kylo helps her as she attempts to move. He places a firm hand on her back and eases her upright into a sitting position, mindful of her elevated ankle. Whatever medicine she had taken was slowly fading away, her thoughts becoming less clouded the longer she stayed conscious.

Kylo wants to move behind her, have her rest her back against his chest, but Rey is stable enough on her own. So he readies their meal, placing a water canteen next to her after she's handed her portion.

He sits closer to her than he suspects she would care for. If she comments on the nonexistent distance between them Kylo knows he could claim that he was concerned with her tilting over. A pathetic excuse, she would know he was lying.

In light of crueler thoughts, Kylo had turned his attention back to Rey. He kept looking for changes in her appearance during all their force connections. Expecting her to change into new Jedi Robes when she built her (now stolen) lightsaber.

She remained as lovely as he remembered, wearing her lovely gray robes, her hair was loose. If he looked closer Kylo could tell that her hair had slightly grown, and her cheeks were fuller than before.

He knew that she had been malnourished on Jakku. Kylo had been able to tell the moment he laid eyes on her. He also knew that the Resistance was nowhere near the financial stability of the First Order, but still, he was relieved to know that she was being well fed.

If Rey noticed his starring, she made no comment. Focusing entirely on eating as quickly as possible. When she's done, Rey takes a few minutes to herself before attempting conversation.

"I'd never eaten fish until I met Luke." She says, looking off past the fire. "Strange taste, don't know if I'll ever get accustomed to it." Rey digs her fingers into the dirt once she's done speaking.

Kylo doesn't want to think about his uncle. "What kind of food do you like to eat?" His voice is deeper than he would like.

Rey thinks for a long pause before responding. "One time Leia and I ate frozen fruits together. I'd never tasted anything like it, fruit was far too expensive for me to even consider buying them. It was only one occasion, but I've never stopped dreaming about the taste." Rey pauses again. "Did she-" Rey stops herself, but Kylo understands what she wanted to ask.

Flashes of his mother are quick to blind him. Moments eating frozen fruit together, she tells him stories about her childhood on Alderaan. Both of them silently wishing that he could have seen it.

Sometimes he wonders what she thinks about it, about how her only son idolizes her father, the man who destroyed her home planet.

Kylo doesn't want to think about his mother anymore.

"What did you eat back on Jakku?" He had read the report of her life back there. No one was able to give them any viable information, but they had directed their attention towards Urkar.

The man kept his workers on the brink of starvation to keep them motivated and loyal. How Rey survived under his care for fourteen years, Kylo could only imagine.

Rey's quiet again for a long moment before quietly telling him that she doesn't want to think about Jakku. Kylo moves beside Rey so that she can lay down again. Dandorans sun is finally absent from the sky; pale, purple moons reflect the light they can not see.

This time around, sleep is slow to claim Rey. Kylo sits next to her, keeping a silent vigil for upwards of thirty-five minutes until her breathing evens, and Rey has a peaceful look on her face.

Kylo knows she'll object, but he lowers himself to lay next to her. He wasn't worried about any murders or hungry animals sneaking up on them while they slept. Thanks to his uncle, Kylo was able to detect threatening presences that approached him whether he was conscious or not.

She'll be upset he's sleeping next to her, and his worries about winning the ' _war_ ' and potentially being dragged into the Resistance kicking and screaming pressed him further into the ground. He'll have to wake early, to prepare food and ready them to head towards Varsa Meadows.

Kylo closes his eyes, begging sleep to claim him.

💫💫💫

"You've been busy." Rey says once they are both done eating.

Dandoran greets them with a yellow morning sky and restless birds screaming throughout the forest beyond them. The fire pit still rages before them, quickly becoming uncomfortably hot as the sun warms the planet.

Kylo extinguishes the fire before responding. "Not busy enough." He turns to where she was looking. His pathetic haul of loot and useless items.

He had used old advice from his father he didn't expect to work. Foolish men hide their treasures on top of trees and wise men hide their treasures inside of trees. Kylo had managed to find a decent blaster, some medical supplies, and dusty camping gear. Satisfied with what he had found, Kylo turned his attention to the broken speeders and pods the forest had grown over. When he failed to find anything that would respond, Kylo turned his attention to a small wooden carriage.

The wheels were all missing, the _top_ was missing, so it offered them no protection from the elements, but it was just large enough to carry supplies and one injured Jedi. Kylo had used the force to levitate the carriage back to the lakeside.

It was pathetic, he would still have to hunt for food and locate better weapons. Kylo regretted telling Rey that they had a chance to find old lightsabers or even kyber crystals on the planet. He was unsure if they would even manage to find another blaster.

Kylo begins to load the few things he found into the carriage. Rey calls out behind him, "What's the wagon for?" Genuine confusion in her voice.

Kylo makes his way towards her, wanting to help her stand but she waves him off. "For you." He informs her, ready to catch her as she attempts to stand with only her staff for support.

Rey scoffs at him. "No, I can walk quite well on my own." He doesn't miss the sharp intake of air when she places weight on her ankle.

"We have thirty miles to cross before we even get close to the battlefield. You won't last a mile leaning on your staff." It would take them all day just to get to Varsa Meadows, Rey refusing to admit her injury would set them back multiple days.

Rey shakes her head. "No, what about a speeder?"

He gestures towards the carriage. "This was the only thing I could find that would work."

Rey groans. "Just give me a couple of hours, I should be able to fix us up a speeder or something."

"We don't have hours to spare. We are the only ones fighting in this ' _civil war_ '. We have to leave now if we want any chance to win."

Kylo knows that if he had stayed on the Finalizer, on the other side of the galaxy. Rey wouldn't have broken her ankle. She would have built a speeder immediately after talking to the informat, tracked down the thief who stole her saber, then raced off to win the war with no problems.

He had set them both back and risked his life on a deal just so he could spend time with her. Rey lets out a frustrated groan, before hobbling her way towards the carriage. Kylo starts an offer to carry her but stops when she turns to glare at him.

💫💫💫

"So this doesn't exhaust you at all?" Rey asks from where she's perched on the carriage. "Using this much of the force doesn't bother you?"

Kylo walks beside the levitating carriage, watching their surroundings. "No. If it were heavier or at a distance then possibly, but this is nothing." The only problem he's come across is walking down narrow paths unexpectedly; other than that, using the force to have the carriage follow him wasn't an issue.

Rey hums slightly. "Well, if you need any help, I'm right here." Her tone makes his lips twitch slightly, he matches it with his response.

"I'll keep that in mind." He pauses, then says "Are you in any pain?" Kylo had shown her the small medicine he had found after she refused his help climbing into the carriage, he wasn't sure if she had taken any.

She's honest with her responses. "Not as bad as yesterday. Dull burn, trying not to think about it." Rey takes a breath. "Took some medicine, but we should ration it."

Kylo shakes his head. "We'll be fine. It won't heal right if you're constantly in pain and not elevating it." He thinks about how easier tending to her ankle would be if they just had a droid with basic medical knowledge.

Rey keeps her eyes on the forest encasing them. "Do you visit many planets? Being the Supreme Leader or what not." There's only a slight bitterness at the last sentence.

He used to, Snoke sent him and his Knights to countless planets with specific, gruesome instructions.

"Not long enough to enjoy any of them." He's not lying, just covering the truth. "What about you? The Resistance send you anywhere nice lately?"

Rey laughs. "Only to other ships and quick visits to other bases. The planets they've sent me to are too much like Jakku. All one color, there's always sand and sorrow." Kylo can hear the passive aggression building in her voice.

"What do you think about Dandoran?" He asks. Dandoran was exactly as his father described it, colorful and _dangerous_.

Her voice is lighter in her response. "It's nice, lively. You could drown in all the green." Her tone turns playful. "The people living here could use some work."

Kylo's suppresses the surprised laugh that builds in his chest.

"Are you, friends, with any of your people?" Kylo turns to look at her after hearing her question. Looking for any hidden meaning or purpose.

His response is quick "No. Why?"

"Just curious." Rey muses. "I know everything about you and you're still a stranger." Her head is tilted to the left, her hazel eyes holding him softly as they did in the elevator all those months ago.

Reaching out to him, or to Ben. He wasn't sure.

Kylo turns his gaze back to the path ahead of them. "No. Snoke encouraged isolation." He thinks about his life before that, training with Skywalker, home on Coruscant. He tries to keep himself from sounding defensive. "I've had friends."

Quiet, lonely children are quick to find each other. Those were the only ones willing to be his friends.

"Did they like to read like you?" His mother must have let her in on that one. Kylo hums his response. "Do you still read?" Rey asks.

He takes a sad pause. "Not as much as I would like." Kylo turns back to her. "What about you?"

She tells him, "I made my home in an old AT-AT Walker, inside there was a computer system that still functioned. I used that to learn other languages and read up on any and all knowledge that could be valuable." That catches his attention.

He unconsciously wills the carriage closer to him. "How many languages do you speak?" Kylo asks.

Rey showcases a proud smirk. "Twelve." Fully understanding the accomplishment.

Kylo still compliments her. "Impressive. Even with tutors I only managed to learn four."

His mother only spoke several herself, she must have been delighted to meet someone like Rey. Among other reasons.

He thinks of interesting questions he could ask or things he longed to know, but the halo of light shining on her hair was distracting. "You wore your hair in three buns when we met, was that the fashion of Jakku?"

Rey thinks for a moment, before quietly saying. "No. I think I remember my mother wearing her hair like that, and her styling mine the same way." She starts to pick at the wood of the carriage. "I don't know, I thought keeping it that way would help her identify me after so long." She admits.

Kylo thinks about what he told her back in the throne room, her parents were drunks who sold her, they were dead and buried in a paupers grave. He was so angry at the moment and wanted to remind her that she was the one who killed them, that as a child she used the force to pull on their ship, and it exploded.

He wanted to free Rey of her denial. Kylo's grateful the words never left him and have since written many apologies about the _entire_ event.

"I used to braid my mother's hair." He offered. "When I left for Jedi training, every night before bed I would braid my hair, then take them out in the morning." He quickly corrects any misconceptions she could have. "Not out of vanity. Just a happy reminder of home."

"Could you braid mine? Not now, I mean, but..." Her voice trails off.

The very thought warms him. Soothing an old ache he's long ignored. Kylo recalls his vision of Rey from the future. Draped in black robes, her hair in delicate braids he had placed there. He swallows to keep his response steady. "I would like that."

Rey's smiling at him, Kylo captures every curve, every dimple, and detail, committing it to memory. Rey leans forward slightly. "So what was the story we told the informant? That I'm a Jedi and you're my apprentice? You think she believed that?" Her voice is happy and her smile is steady.

Kylo thinks back. "We were unconvincing." He recalls, "A young Jedi master and her much larger padawan, both of which lost their lightsabers."

"The Jedi master on the ground, crying over an injury." Rey jokes, "She's probably at the basin placing bets against us."

_She probably is_ , Kylo thinks. "Or telling everyone that the Resistance sent bumbling radar technicians to fight the war, claiming to be warriors of legend."

At that Rey lets out a laugh, Kylo thinks he's never heard a lovelier sound.

💫💫💫

They stick to safe topics, easy questions, and curiosities. To their surprise, most of their answers are coated in an invisible layer of sadness, old memories clinging to the simplest responses.

When their questions kept being met with a string of old sorrow, they began sharing general information they possessed. Talking about constellations and the many uses for herbs and the planets they were native to. Kylo could tell that a question was building in Rey, but she was avoiding asking it. Always moving onto a new subject.

Finally, after a long lull in the conversation, Rey asks. "What did you see in your vision? Where I turned."

Kylo waits a moment, thinks about the daydreams he had built upon the quick vision.

The future that caused him many sleepless nights filled with a deep longing, a yearning that cut him down to his core.

"I saw me killing Snoke. Then I saw us, together on the Sith throne." He wanted to elaborate, tell her about her how the dress hung on her curves, how it flowed against her movements. The way her hair was, the red lightsaber she held, her hand intertwined with his.

Rey doesn't respond right away, she absorbs his statement. Rey stays quiet for so long Kylo fears she won't even respond.

Her words are soft, "I saw you dressed in white Jedi robes, looking out to the sunset. The wind in your hair, you're mother holding one of your hands and myself holding the other." He hears what she leaves unsaid. The shared yearning, the endless heartbreak. "Snoke called us a Dyad in the Force," Rey continues. "I attempted to look into what that means but found nothing. What do you know about it?"

He was _very_ familiar with it.

Kylo kept his eyes in front of them and continued walking. "When we met," He still hadn't fully apologized. "I pushed into your head, and you pushed back into mine, we planted the seeds of something then. A deeper glance into the other. Snoke built upon that, connecting us through the force. We took what he build and solidified it, watered, and nurtured it." He pauses. "The potential was always there. The force knows which people are meant to come together, we just...transformed the intention of the force into a supernova."

Rey's voice is quiet. "Equals in the force," She echoes Snoke's words. "What _is_ a dyad?"

Kylo could spend the rest of the day explaining it, telling her the exact specifics and how their lives would continue to be affected by it, but Rey wanted answers, not a lecture.

His movement stalls, Kylo turns to face her. "A dyad is a shared soul. Two halves of the same whole." Rey doesn't hide the tear that escapes her, nor does Kylo hide his own.

They would never be happy without the other, and they both wanted a far different future than the other. She would never join the dark, just as he would never join the light. At least without an absurd amount of begging and convincing.

"We did this to ourselves then?" She asks, "We married ourselves in the force without understanding our actions."

Her use of the word ' _marriage_ ' threatens to collapse something inside Kylo, just the unintentional confirmation that she may long for him just as he longed for her was almost too much.

"It's...rare, almost unheard of." He offers.

There's nothing else to say at the moment, what else could they say. Dandorans sun is high above them and Kylo feels the slight ache of hunger make an appearance. He lowers the carriage to the ground and makes quick work at building a fire.

💫💫💫

He's unable to sit down once the food is ready. Kylo hands Rey her portion and walks around their area while eating.

Looking for any loot that could be hidden in branches or inside hollow tree trunks. A few yards from where he laid the carriage, Kylo stood next to a tree whose leaves were a lighter shade than the others. He turned his eyes towards the foliage.

A small package was strapped to one of the lower branches. Too noticeable to be anything of value, something small and easy to find. Kylo reaches up and rips the package away from the string.

Whoever the pouch belonged to before had stitched their initials on the side. Kylo opens it and finds it filled with dried portions. Ten to be exact.

Not enough to make a real difference, but enough to give them one less thing to worry about for a few days.

He hands it directly to Rey when he returns, snuffing out the fire, and returning on their journey to Varsa Meadows.

💫💫💫

There's someone nearby.

He felt the force signature of someone approaching them, Kylo couldn't sense any immediate hostile intentions so he felt no reason to raise his blaster. He informed Rey as soon as he noticed the stranger, she reached out with the force herself so she could judge them as well.

The stranger was drawing closer and becoming more aware of their presence. Stopping entirely, likely after getting a good look at the floating carriage. Rey turned to look at Kylo who nodded, he walked to the other side and called out for the stranger to come closer.

The blue robes were easy to spot as they weaved through the trees, making their way to them. A young man, younger than Kylo and older than Rey, greeted them. He had bright red hair that reminded Kylo of Hux. The boy was quick to talk.

"I'm Joran," His accent placed him on a separate planet of origin. "I heard that we were calling for help." He gestured towards the carriage. "By that neat trick there, I'm assuming that's you two."

Kylo hesitated to respond, suddenly unsure how common the name Kylo was throughout the galaxy.

Rey knew exactly how to answer Joran. "I'm Rey, this is Ben." Of _course_ , she'd introduce him as Ben. "The Resistance sent us. We're Jedi."

Jedi without their weapons, Joran smiled. "Jedi like the legends! The Smugglers might just stand a chance now." He moves to approach the carriage but Kylo stops him. Joran’s quick to defend. "Just wanting a good look. Not every day you meet someone with this kind of power." He leans closer. "Which one of you is doing this? Or can you both do this?"

Kylo again moves himself between the smuggler and the carriage. Rey leans over from where she sits and places a hand on his shoulder. "You'll have to forgive him, you can't be too safe with strangers." Rey gives a light squeeze where she holds onto him.

There's no threatening presence in the force, yet. Joran still respectfully nods and takes a step away. "How long have you two been dating then?" He asks with a sly smile.

Rey's old words echo inside his mind and Kylo can't stop himself. "Married." He corrects, Rey snorts behind him.

"Three months to the day." She adds. Joran keeps smiling.

"Isn't that lovely." Kylo doesn't appreciate his tone. Jorans smile falters. "Listen, I'm sorry to do this, but it's dangerous out here, and you both were sent here to help." They both waited for his request. "Escort a fellow home?"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> heard ben solo's birthday was the other day. we stan another pisces in this house. pisces season is here, not sure if i'm thriving, but i sure am spending way too much money on amazon.


	9. Chapter 9

💫💫💫

Neither Rey nor Kylo was particularly willing to escort Joran towards the Smuggler Basin, but at the man's continued pestering, they agreed to at least see him safely to a few miles away of Varsa Meadows.

They already made a poor impression with Lorle and their Informat, leaving a member of the Smuggler Basin to die in the wilds would only further hurt their image.

While Rey _was_ quietly determined to lose Dandorans war, she was still pained by the knowledge that she was trading actual lives in exchange for Ben's redemption.

She knew that once the Smugglers felt truly cornered they would abandon the planet, _but_ there would be stragglers who would risk their lives to retrieve old treasures. Making sure Joran lived for the entire time she knew him was the _least_ Rey could do.

Kylo was noticeably agitated by Jorans presence. While they hadn't spoken to one another for upwards of a few hours, Rey knew they would require privacy when their conversation resumed. Kylo was starting to open up, but now silence lingers once again.

Then there was the issue with what Kylo had told Joran. Married by the force and now married in fiction. Rey could feel the smug satisfaction drifting off of him when she played along with his ruse.

Joran began drowning them in questions the moment they began walking. Asking about how they had met, how long they had been together before they married. Rey looked at Kylo's back as she thought of a response. "What was it Ben, two and a half to three days before we wed?"

Rey notices his head tilts slightly as he continues walking. "Two and a half sounds right," His voice takes a sarcastic inflection. "but it felt so much longer." The realization that she had 'merged' her soul to someone she hadn't even known for three days made her cheeks turn hot.

"We certainly rush into things without thinking." She comments. Joran calls for her attention at the side of the carriage.

"That's lovely." He's smiling. "I'm a hopeless romantic myself, so you've both have me at your back." Joran then walks around and up to Kylo, attempting to pat him on the shoulder. "You've found an amazing woman, Ben!"

Kylo pulls away from Joran before he's able to make contact with him.

💫💫💫

Joran was a very curious man, with many questions about the Jedi and their abilities.

Unfortunately for Joran, Kylo wouldn't talk to him about the Jedi and only gave vague responses to his other questions. So Joran turned his attention to Rey, who was quickly becoming annoyed as well by him.

"I heard that those light swords the Jedi carry are blue, is that accurate?" Joran asks as they make their way down the forest path, adjusting and pulling at his robes as they walk.

Rey raises her hand above her eyes, attempting to block out the sun from her vision. She tries to think back to all the colors and their meanings that Leia and the Jedi text told her about, but a dull headache was starting to form and Rey didn't want to answer anymore pestering questions. "No, they come in many colors." Was all she gave him.

Joran nods. "Is it true that they can cut through anything? Even cauterizing a wound close as they slice their enemies?" Rey grimaces at the gruesome thought, an image of Kylo's face, when she had sliced it with the legacy saber, comes to mind.

She begins to scratch at her neck with her free hand.

"Yes. Except for other lightsabers." Rey struggled to hide the annoyance in her response.

She wants to start ripping open the small pouches Kylo had placed in the carriage and find whatever medicine they had that could soothe the ache that was threatening to take over her composure.

If Joran noticed her distaste for the course of their conversation he did not act on it and simply continued speaking. "Amazing. How would one build the thing?" He again came closer to the carriage.

"Jedi secret." Kylo answered. He only took a few more steps before stopping dead in his tracks. Kylo then turned around to look at him, his thick eyebrows narrowed. "Do you have a blaster or any weapons?" Rey couldn't blame Kylo for threatening the man, but they couldn't start killing the Smugglers because they were annoying.

Before she could open her mouth to protest his potential threat to Joran, Joran spoke. "Don't mean to pest either of you, Ben." He claims with a smile. "Just merely curious about the _noble_ Jedi knights who've come to save us." Joran placed his hands on his hips and attempted a 'natural' pose.

Kylo tightened his mouth for a moment. "Noted." He states. "We'll need to stop again soon to hunt food. I need to know if you'll be useful or not for that."

Joran opens his robes, reaching low and producing a thick knife.

"I have this, and I'm quite skilled at hunting the fat birds in these parts." Joran gloats.

Kylo nods once. "Good. Get started. I need to talk to my _wife_ first." He says making his way to stand between Joran and the carriage.

Joran keeps a wide smile on his face. "Don't worry Ben. I'm no home wrecker, if I was I'd be going after you." He doesn't fail to wink as he walks off into the woods to begin hunting.

Dandorans sun is slowly falling, casting blinding rays of light into Rey's eyes. Sunset will be approaching soon, they should be nearing a safe location to ditch Joran.

Rey waits until he's out of eyesight before whispering to Kylo.

"How much longer?" She asks. Kylo's reaching into bags placed inside the carriage, pulling out water canteens and medicine, pushing them all into her hands.

Kylo avoids the question. "He sure does like to talk, doesn't he." He watches as Rey downs a small dose of pain medicine and chases it with water. Kylo looks behind him, watching for Joran. "Kept asking about the Jedi and our weapons."

Rey shook her head slightly, "He's curious about the _Jedi couple_. You told him we were married." There's no inflection in her voice but Kylo still answers.

He pinches the bridge of his nose. "I was just repeating what you said," Rey swears she can see a slight tint on his cheeks.

"You called me your _wife_." The red shade on his cheeks grows, Rey can't hide her smile.

Kylo braces both of his arms on the carriage. Avoiding her comment. "We can't trust him." Kylo states.

Rey glances up, looking for blue robes in between the trees, "He won't be any trouble even without our sabers. Unless he's going to report our new relationship development back at the basin -" Kylo interrupts her.

"He's _lying_. He's not with the Smugglers." He holds her gaze with serious brown eyes. Rey furrows her brows, reaching out slightly with the force. She can feel Joran at a distance but his signature remains nonthreatening.

Still, "How do you know?" He had asked questions but Joran didn't gain any knowledge that he could use against them.

Kylo takes a breath, the redness in his face fading. "I was suspicious in the beginning, but just then, when he reached into his robes to grab a knife..." His voice trails off.

Rey thinks back. "It was just a hunting knife, I had one just like it back on Jakku." She hated using it, but there were so many periods of times where it was her only option.

"No." His grip on the carriage tightens. "It's not the knife, it was his shirt. White, but covered in layers of sweat and dirt, likely hasn't been washed in weeks."

A laugh tickles at the base of her throat.

Kylo Ren, Supreme Leader and Prince in disguise judging a man by the state of his clothing.

She doesn't hide her smile from him as she responds. "Right then, we'll tie him up and turn him in when this is all over. The trial should be quick." Rey tries to keep her voice playful, but Kylo reaches for her hand and squeezes.

He was being serious. "Do you remember what the Informat said? The Smugglers don't have a uniform. The only use they have for the robes is to keep their outfit clean during the war." Rey takes a breath.

Joran's robes had been spotless. "Did he make them himself or steal them from someone?" A useless question, she hadn't seen any blood but if he had killed someone. Rey holds onto Jorans force signature, ready for it to turn hostile at any moment.

"I don't know." Kylo keeps his hand on top of Rey's. "I don't even know why he hasn't tried attacking us yet." He backtracks. "No, there's two of us. He's also unaware that we've lost our weapons."

Rey tries to think of another tactic he could have. Reaching out with the force at a greater distance. "There's no one else around, no army closing in." She holds Kylo's eyes. "What are we going to do."

Joran would not be any trouble to dispose of. Rey knew very well that Kylo could Force Choke the life out of him, or just shoot him with his blaster. But Joran could have kept other weapons from their attention. No, even if he had a blaster, Rey recalls Poe's tale about Kylo stopping a blaster bolt mid-air.

Joran would be very easy to get rid of.

"He might be a scout." Kylo says. "There's a chance they could have heard about the Resistance sending you and needed to gather their own intel. Joran's here on a job. He knows he couldn't take one of us, let alone both of us." He brushes his thumb across her wrist.

Rey understands Kylo's intentions. She should expect no less from the Supreme Leader of the First Order.

Rey stays quiet, hoping that whatever idea or scheme Kylo is currently thinking of won't be enough to even help them win the war.

His hold on her hand tightens. "He'll be walking with us for another two hours or so. We need to give him the wrong information, as well as enough correct information to lead him and his men right to us." Kylo reaches for her other hand. "Joran is going to keep asking him questions. Rey, I need you to make up false Jedi weaknesses, tell him to avoid the outskirts of Varsa."

She didn't want to win the war, Rey had broken her own ankle in hopes of sabotaging their efforts. Kylo had made a deal with her, and if he knew Rey was attempting to tamper with the outcome.

"Why should _I_ be the one to tell him, he just said he'd rather be with you over me."

Rey knew she could just do what Kylo asks and just not perform as well as she was able, but the thought of winning the war and losing Ben was quickly making her nauseous.

Kylo shakes his head. "I really can't stand talking to him." He stresses. "I'm at risk of losing my temper, and I," Pauses, then says. "I don't want to do that in front of you."

He had written thirty-five apologies for her, and only requested her time. A soft smile comes to Rey, she didn't know how to react to his affections. "Well aren't you the best husband in the galaxy."

The red blush returns to his face, Rey finds she quite likes how it looks on him.

Kylo's face starts to pale again as Jorans footsteps begin growing. After a few moments, Joran makes his way into the clearing, holding a bloody knife and an equally bloody bird. Joran gestures at them with his knife.

"You two need some more time alone?" He questions. Kylo's still holding both of her hands and leaning into the carriage.

Kylo's eyes send Rey a message of faith as he speaks. "No." His grip starts to loosen on her and he's pulling away.

His brows are narrow and his face pale once again.

Rey wants to see him blush again.

His face is turned, but before he's out of her reach, Rey leans forward and places a soft kiss on his cheek. Quick and chaste, she pulls away and delights in the _stunning,_ slackjaw look on Kylo's face, the entire thing quickly turning a deep shade of red.

Kylo mumbles something about finding food and then rushes off into the woods. Leaving her alone with Joran, who was happily building a fire. Rey watches as he tucks his knife back in place inside his robes and catches the dirty clothing Kylo had mentioned.

"Will he be long then?" Joran asks, keeping his eyes trained on the fireplace.

Rey looks out to the direction where Kylo had raced off to. "Possibly." He wouldn't have trouble finding something to eat, however, alone time with Joran was the perfect opportunity to fill his head with Jedi lies, and Kylo knew that.

"Wonderful," Joran says. "because I have so many more questions about the Jedi and their thing."

The sun was still glaring in her vision, and the dull throbbing headache was still there, but Rey couldn't do anything to stop that.

💫💫💫

His questions remained innocent, sticking to the light and easy topics anyone would be more willing to answer. As the fire grew and his bird was completely defeathered, Joran finally asked the question Rey _knew_ he had been waiting for.

"What about weaknesses? Anything that could destroy or inhibit you in battle?" He doesn't meet her eyes when he asks, but quickly defends himself. "I only ask because you can find almost anything on Dandoran, if there's anything that could keep you from protecting us, I'd love to warn you about it."

She truly does not want to win the war, her only priority is keeping herself and Ben alive long enough to return to the Resistance, she just needs to keep Kylo from finding out.

Rey thinks of the _stupidest_ answer she possibly can. "It's surprising actually, and I doubt you could find it on Dandoran."

Joran takes the bait. "You wouldn't _believe_ what you could find here. What is it?" Rey can tell that he's fighting for his voice to remain light.

Rey takes a false breath. "To be honest, I didn't even believe it until I encountered it myself. Nearly killed me."

"Tell me." Joran insists.

Rey pretends to look over her shoulders, before leaning in Jorans direction, keeping her voice quiet.

"Lightsabers of dead Jedi." Kylo had claimed the day before that there was a _possibility_. "They work like a black hole in the Force, draining the energy of living Jedi, as though it were trying to avenge their dead masters."

Joran attempts to hide his smile, Rey can't believe he was stupid enough to take her words seriously.

"I have heard of those fancy swords popping up on Dandoran. You two best be careful, never know if you'll stumble across one." A laugh escapes him which he attempts to cover with a cough.

Rey rolls her eyes and reaches for more pain medicine.

💫💫💫

The sky was starting to turn dark and Joran continued to pester her with questions until Kylo returned with their food.

He silently preparing their meal as Joran returned the conversation to polite inquiries. Rey dreaded the thought of spending the night with him but she knew Kylo would _insist_ they part ways before long.

Joran had been long finished eating once Rey and Kylo's food was ready, Kylo was quick to extinguish the fire, informing Joran that they needed to keep walking. "Do you not need to camp?" He asked of them.

"Jedi see better at night." Rey lied, hoping that a surprise ambush would be one less thing to worry about when they slept.

"How amazing!" Joran exclaimed. "Wish the same could be said of myself, you two may be stuck with me until morning."

"We'll make you a torch before you leave in a bit." Kylo's voice was rushed, and Rey had to suppress the urge to laugh.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> so like, i've spent waaay too much money this pisces season. so i went to the bank and was like 'whats the damage' and the bank teller was like 'you havent made a dent. you havent spent enough!' so looks like i have more bad decisions to make this pisces season. I just got mama mia 1 + 2 so that's going to be my whole week now.


	10. Chapter 10

💫💫💫

Joran continued insisting that he continue traveling with them, even while Kylo _aggressively_ crafted a torch for the man, demonstrating his power by using the force to ignite the fire for him as well.

Joran _again_ attempted to delay his departure from them, going as far to state that he could sleep on the carriage next to Rey while they continued to travel.

The very thought turned Kylo's vision red, he deeply considered ditching his strategy _entirely_ and killing Joran slowly and painfully.

He only considered it though, instead, Kylo levitated the carriage several feet higher into the air, hanging well above both of their heads. Rey's cursing of the sudden movement was muffled among the tree branches and their leaves.

Holding Jorans gaze, Kylo kept his fist tight against his sides.

Again Joran attempted to deflect the tension, jokingly calling Kylo the jealous type. He wasn't wrong, but his assumption was only half of the reason Kylo needed him to leave.

_Finally_ , Joran resigned. Bidding them both farewell as he claimed the torch Kylo had made for him and took his leave from the group.

Kylo only lowered the carriage when Joran had walked a few yards away, Rey continued her cursing when she became eye level again, even throwing thick twigs she had broken off from the branches at him.

He apologized sincerely, moving close to where she sat. Together, they waited until the torchlight that followed Joran had faded into the darkness of the forests the farther away he drifted from them. Even after that, Kylo reached out with the force and waited for him to walk an additional few more yards before continuing down their own path.

💫💫💫

He only managed to walk another hour in the growing darkness, even after the ground had been absorbed by the black abyss, Kylo persisted.

He could still feel Joran's presence even from the miles that separate them. The man had finally changed his directions, backtracking and moving with a greater purpose than before.

He's going back to his murderous friends and reporting his findings of their formerly unknown Jedi opponents. Kylo hadn't heard any of the lies Rey had shared with Joran, but he trusted her completely. After a few more steps, Kylo stumbles over an uprooted tree stump, prompting Rey behind him to comment.

"You can make fire with the Force, why do you insist on walking in complete darkness?" She was tired, agitated, still in pain. Still, even though he understands, Kylo didn't appreciate her tone of voice.

He kept his temper in check. "Paranoia." He stated simply.

The closest nonanimalistic presence to them was Joran, who was roughly two to three miles away. Kylo knew very well he was being dramatic, the temperature was quickly dropping and his body was slowly admitting to its own exhaustion.

Kylo stalls his steps, snapping his fingers so that a small flame appears at the tip of his pointer finger. Once he's sure that there's a small clearing, Kylo lowers the carriage onto the ground. The area there is is barely large enough to fit the carriage, anything more than a small campfire could place them in danger of starting a forest fire.

He still doesn't waste any time building it.

Kylo's silently thankful he won't have to attempt hunting in the dark, he and Rey would easily be able to split a portion together. After a long moment, a small, lively fire has sprung to life; and much to Kylo's disappointment, he finds that the fire alone won't be enough to keep them warm.

Kylo turns and uncomfortably climbs into the carriage, the blankets he found were worn but still retained enough thickness to keep them comfortable.

There was also the shared body heat they would have from sleeping next to one another. The very thought warms his cheeks, Kylo knows that Rey is still unaware of their sleeping arrangements from the prior night. She's no true reason to turn away extra warmth but given their history, Kylo would understand if she made him sleep on the forest floor.

As the thought passes through him, Kylo turns and sees Rey inching herself over to the side of the carriage, making room for him. He keeps his movements slow, _delicate_. Lowering himself next to her as softly as possible, wanting to keep the fragile peace from shattering into dust.

Rey gently hands Kylo his share of coverage, keeping her voice light and her eyes down. "Come morning, we'll have exactly five more days to end the war." a short pause follows. "Or at least five days to kill as many as it takes for the Smugglers to claim victory."

He hadn't known how long his mother had given Rey, the knowledge eases some of the built up tension in his shoulders. "Five days." He clarifies. "That's more than enough time." Kylo would have accepted three days, five was close to excessive.

Rey turns to look at him, the dim firelight reflecting in her hazel eyes. "Really. Five days to win a war?" He could see the mixture of doubt and disbelief. Losing the war would be hard on the Resistance, and a life sentence for him.

"I don't expect the challenge to be anything less than difficult, but it's certainly not impossible." Whatever battle was approaching them would prove laughably easy if only one of them had their lightsaber. Kylo holds onto Rey's eyes, "What did you share with him?"

She works at her lower lip with her teeth.

"I still can't believe he trusted my word. I told him that lightsabers that belonged to dead Jedi could be used against us, that they would diminish our energy." Kylo raises his eyebrows.

"Joran believed that?" Rey gave him a thin smile, sharing his look of disbelief. "What else was said?"

Rey looks towards the stars. "I told him ranged weapons were best. I've heard about you stopping blaster bolts midair, besides they'll be easier to fight if they aren't swarming us in hoards." Kylo nodded, Rey told him a few extra lies that she had shared before asking her own question. "What exactly is your plan? _How_ do you expect to win?" Her voice quiet as a whisper.

Kylo gives her a reassuring nod. "I've calculated two different battle scenarios: The first of which involves me fighting in the forefront with you at a distance, checking on blind spots and shooting anyone that gains too great of an advantage. For that, to work we'll need to find another blaster unless Joran is actually foolish enough to toss lightsabers our way."

He allows Rey a moment to think over the idea. Kylo was unaffected by the notion of potentially fighting an army of mad killers in hoards; he and his Knights had frequently trained in scenarios depicting one against an army.

Finally, Rey spoke. "What about the second one?"

"That one will depend on how well your ankle is fairing. I believe that we fight better as a team, side by side, as evidence from the throne room. A closer range made it easier for us to keep track of and protect the other. Ideally, we would both have sabers, but blasters would serve us just as well." Rey turns her gaze towards the stars again. Considering both options.

Kylo preferred the second scenario, though he worried about Rey's safety and well being, he was not blind to her strength and abilities. She was strong enough to fight on her own, even with a broken ankle.

As the minutes pass and Rey remains silent, Kylo begins to fall into his old habit of watching her. Studying her face, memorizing it. And though they were together, he was secretly terrified that the force would stop connecting them and he would never gaze upon it again. Never see her eyes gleam or count her freckles.

The sounds of restless animals could be heard in the silence, darting across leaves, scratching at tree bark. There was a scattering of lightning bugs, few and far between, off in the distance. Rey whispers a question, "You truly believe we can win?"

He can detect the sorrow in her voice, her uncertainty. The last Jedi of a generation, the last hope of the Resistance. Kylo knew the burden that she carried with her, he longed to free her of it.

He would suffer as Supreme Leader for the rest of his days if she were with him, giving him guidance and wisdom. He wanted to see her dressed in black, holding his hand. More than anything he longed to see her happy, at peace.

It would be some time yet before she would be able to find that at the First Order. "You are still more powerful than either of us can understand. Together we could rearrange stars with our will alone."

They would win the war. She would hear his apologies and he would continue leading the First Order away from the Resistance for a time. Rey would turn.

She had to.

Beneath the blanket, Rey moves her hand blindly until it finds his. Gently brushing her fingers over his before intertwining their hands together. The memory of her kissing his cheek works a blush across his face again, Kylo's uncertain if she had only done the action for show, or -.

"I told you what a dyad was, how we merged our souls into one." Pauses, then says. "Back with the First Order, even when the force connected us, I felt a pull, a yearning. Urging me to cross the galaxy." Rey swallows.

"I felt it too." She admits. "A shared pain." Rey takes a breath. "And now, despite the chaos surrounding us, there's an underlying peace, an ease. If I'm being honest, it's so comforting it _scares_ me." His hold on her hand tightens, Kylo's heart pounding in his chest.

His voice is choked. "A shared heartbreak, a shared yearning." He forces himself to pause and take a ragged breath. "What do you think, Rey?"

Her hazel eyes are warm and welcoming, the wind moves stray locks of hair over her face. "I don't think either of us will _ever_ be happy without the other, and we both want very different things."

In the end, one of them will have to compromise, betray themselves to be with the other.

Rey lowers her eyes to his lips, Kylo feels his breathing stop. She reaches up, brushing some of his hair behind his ear, smoothing it down. Trailing a slim finger across his cheekbone. Slowly, Rey leans forward, softly pressing her lips against his. Kylo's senses shut down, his entire body paralyzed at the gentle brush of her.

She kisses him again, firmer this time. Kylo moves his lips with hers, warm and intoxicating. Leaning down into her, her lips carry a faint taste of honey, and as he tilts his head for better access, the smell of sweat and lilac coming from her skin comes to him like the richest of wines.

Slowly, she opens her mouth and he feels the soft brush of her tongue against his lower lip. Kylo opens his own mouth, moves his tongue along with hers.

Rey just as soon pulls away.

Pressing her forehead hard into his shoulder. Her breathing ragged, as though she were choking.

Rey mumbles out apologies to him, Kylo works to steady his own breathing. He feels teardrops fall from Rey and land on his shoulder. Kylo holds on tight to her hand and moves his free arm around her shoulders, pulling her close.

She leans into to him, pushing against him. Hurting and conflicted, Kylo understands. Rey doesn't want him as he is, she wants _Ben_.

A version of himself he can never be again. "You don't need to apologize." He tells her.

Despite his best efforts, he retained light inside of him. Ben Solo was still apart of him. He was alive, loved, and wanted.

Kylo was just too much of a coward to face him, even if it meant gaining her affection.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> pisces season update: i'm still spending too much money, but now i own a lightsaber, so who's the real winner? certainly not my bank.


	11. Chapter 11

💫💫💫

Kylo wakes in the early morning, long before Dandorans sun has thought to greet the planet with morning daylight.

The sound of the forest has drifted into a quiet melody, singing all the restless inhabitants back into slumber with a soft lullaby. No such luxury finds Kylo, as anxieties and dread force his heartbeat to rapidly increase.

Rey remains in a deep sleep next to him, her head still resting on his shoulder. A gentle breeze moves wisps of their hair around them, tickling his face.

Through the darkness, Kylo can't make out what belongs to himself and what belongs to her. His heartbeat is now thundering inside his ears, he knows he has to end the war and keep her safe.

Even as she pulled away, Rey had reviled that she _wanted_ him, at least one version of him.

If she could yearn for what was lost, there was a _possibility_ she could fall for what remains. Kylo just had to win the war and convince her to join him on the other side, but there was no guarantee that he would be enough of a replacement for her losing Ben.

His heartbeat pounded against his chest, threatening to break through his ribs and rip open his chest. Kylo searches for anything to hold onto, to keep him from losing himself. He listens for Rey's breathing, slowing inhaling and exhaling. Repetitive, soothing. Kylo clings to the sound, for at the moment, it was his last lifeline.

Sleep does not claim him, but peace finds its way to him.

💫💫💫

Varsa Meadows is less than a half mile away from where they now stand. Dandorans sun had brightened their surroundings, bathing the green leaves in light pink and purple hues. Wild cats observe them from a safe distance, one coming close enough to jump into the carriage and immediately scatter at the sight of Rey.

There's a decently sized shack before them, with chipped lilac paint long faded, overgrown with ivy branches and small weeds growing out of cracks in the window panel. The only life forms inside are animals, more cats if Kylo had a guess. A small stream circles around the back of the structure, cold clear water running south of their direction.

Kylo walks forward, opening the faded blue door to the building as though his mere touch could transform it into dust. When the door held steady, Kylo ducks down and into the shack. Younger cats race under old tables and chairs, hiding from him, a few older cats stand their ground, eyeing him wearily. To his surprise there was a small second level inside, the only point of access being a shoddy ladder in the corner.

It's clear that whatever smuggler used to hide out here loved the place. Dried herbs hung upside down in a small kitchenette. A stone fireplace claimed an entire wall of the building. The thick layer of dirt and dust covering the place told him that this shack had been abandoned for some time. Kylo would have to remember it's location, it'd be a safe place to backtrack to if the fighting ever turned against them.

Rey calls out to him. "Anything I should go to the trouble of checking out?" Kylo thinks briefly about leaving a few supplies here, they could return during the night.

He backs out of the shack.

"Shoddy but decent," Kylo informs her. "Wouldn't offer any real defense, but it's so old that there's a chance the crazed killers that will soon be chasing us won't think to look." He stands next to where she sits in the carriage, rummaging through bags.

"Is that just an assumption, or a terrible tactic used by the First Order to ignore old buildings?" Kylo gives her a small smile, handing her more pain medicine. "No, I've been taking too much." Rey waves her hand.

Kylo pushes it closer. "You didn't take any this morning." They hadn't spoken at all until this moment. Awkwardness hanging heavily between them, silently moving about their day, avoiding eye contact as well. "You won't heal if you don't take care of yourself."

Rey rolls her eyes. "I'll be fine, we haven't even fought anyone yet, and if there's a future injury awaiting us: you'll be thanking me for rationing out the medicine." Kylo narrows his eyes at her.

"You're just being stubborn." Rey narrows her eyes, silently taking the medicine from his hand, taking the smallest sip she can manage. Once she swallows, Kylo nods, turning his attention back to the path. "Not much longer then."

💫💫💫

He needed to focus on their mission. He was not some hormonal teenager begging for his crushes' attention after feeling ignored by them.

The Resistance and the Smugglers Basin were relying on them to protect the path along Varsa Meadows. Keeping ' _innocents_ ' alive and a treaty intact.

He should be focusing on using the force to locate any danger in the immediate area, encase Joran or anyone else were ready to strike.

Kylo needed to fight and keep themselves alive.

He was also quickly turning nauseous, he would throw up before long if he didn't at least _attempt_ to talk to her.

Kylo stops them both in their tracks, Rey eyes him from where she sits. "What's wrong, why're we stopped?" There's dread in her voice and Kylo can feel her reaching out with the force, likely expecting an ambush to be closing in.

This was a mistake.

"There's no, reason." His voice was awkward. He should turn his back to her and act as though he never stopped at all. Against his will, his feet bring him to stand nearer to her. "I was, just wondering..." Kylo's voice trails off.

"The pain really isn't as terrible as you're thinking it is. _Uncomfortable_ , yes. I'm sure if I attempted walking right now it would be a different story, but I really don't need to take any more medicine." She reaches down her leg and holds onto where the swelling starts, which has gone down considerably since the other day.

Still, Kylo shakes his head, his black hair falling into his vision. "No, that's. That's not what I wanted to talk about." Rey turns to look at him, her hair held a slight curl to itself, and draped around her face.

Her voice is kind. "What is it then?" There's more hair than Kylo remembers.

"Are you wearing your hair completely down?" She usually alternated between the three buns or only wearing the top half in a bun or up. He'd never seen her with her hair undone.

Rey reaches up and holds a lock, "Yes, I undid it a bit ago. The tightness was becoming unbearable and giving me a headache." Her hazel eyes find him, dropping her hold on her hair. "What is it you want to talk about?" Rey keeps her voice quiet.

The sunlight is reflecting off her hair, giving an angelic look about her. Kylo swallows. "About last night." Rey breaks eye contact, a slight blush tinting her cheeks. "I should have," He stops. "I want to _apologize_ if I made you upset."

The truth had been settled between them since the moment after the kiss occurred, understanding through unspoken silence. Breaking both of them.

"No, it was..." Rey collects her thoughts, still refusing to look at him. "unfair to you. You're the one my soul is bonded with." She spares him a single glance. "I shouldn't be chasing after your ghost."

As always, his words from the throne room come flooding back to him. Letting the past die, but they could never kill the past, just as he could never kill Ben Solo.

She wanted Ben, and if that was the only thing tempting her to stay.

"I," Kylo looks for the right thing to say. He only had the truth to share, Kylo hoped it was a truth she could accept. "He's still here."

The words tear open his throat as they leave, bleeding his heart out onto his sleeve. Begging her to want him without saying as many words.

Finally Rey turns to him, her breathing staggering in her chest. "And right now, Kylo Ren stands before me." There's an inflection in her voice, awaiting an answer.

His tongue sits heavy as lead in his mouth, his eyes prick with something he doesn't want to acknowledge. "Yes."

Rey quickly leans forward, wrapping her hand at the back of his neck and pulling him closer.

The impact of her lips hits hard against his teeth. She pulls back slightly, kissing again with softer intention, an apology for the rough beginning.

Rey has a stronghold on the hair at the base of his neck, maintaining her grip as she delicately moves her lips over his. Kylo kisses back, raising a hand to cup her face and wrapping tight around her biceps.

Her tongue traces across his lower lip again, and when he opens, massaging his tongue over hers she does not pull away.

Kylo leans forward, moving his tongue deeper into her mouth, craving the feeling of her hot breath against his.

Rey removes her tight grip in his hair and lowers her hand to instead pull on his arm, urging him closer. Kylo trails his hand delicately down her arm, bracing himself against the carriage, finding the leverage to climb aboard. His other hand begins to tangle itself in Rey's hair, twisting against the curls it finds.

Once Kylo finds himself inside the carriage, he trails his hand down the center of Rey's back, her body arching as a response. He leans down, wanting to be closer to her.

As Kylo begins to move his body he's interrupted by a screaming in the force.

An aggressive nature bursting near them.

A cluster of arrows are launched at them, most missing or lodging themselves into the side of their carriage.

Kylo spins, raising his hand to prevent any more from approaching, but before his arm is fully raised an arrow buries itself into his shoulder.

The shock of the impact breaks all focus, and the carriage drops from the air.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> pisces season update: i was super worried i wouldn't get this chapter done bc i had an impromptu trip to savannah, and i literally hate driving there with a passion. but i did it, and got this chapter done!


	12. Chapter 12

💫💫💫

Kylo dropped hard on top of Rey, knocking the air clear out of her lungs.

The carriage supporting them fell along with Kylo, crushing her into the ground. Arrows flowing past overhead, some soaring past, others embedding themselves into tree bark.

His breath is hot and ragged, yet his movement remains quick. Kylo places his hand on Rey's shoulder, pinning her to the floor of the carriage. Turning his torso towards where the archers hid, Kylo raises his arm.

Rey feels the pulse of the force as Kylo screams out with it.

An invisible explosion, swaying trees, and disturbing the wildlife. Rey reaches out herself, trying to make sense of their attack.

She feels them, three individuals, not far away from where she and Kylo were, coming closer. A slight horror sinks into her chest as Rey realizes that Kylo was _dragging_ the archers towards them.

And their attackers are surprised, but not frightened.

He rips them out of where they were perched, only slightly paralyzing their movements. Two women and one man, one of the women still has a hold of her crossbow, attempting to raise it against them.

Kylo refuses to give her the chance, flinging his arm skyward, the force abiding by his will. Their attackers launched far into the air and released.

Only one screams as they begin to fall.

The crunch of their bones muffled by the ground.

Kylo releases his hold on Rey, lurching forward, vomiting onto the ground. Rey quickly sits upright, placing a gentle hand on his other shoulder.

The green arrowhead just barely peeked out of the front of his right shoulder. Kylo leans back, reaching to where to arrow sticks out at the back of his shoulder. Rey pushes forward, gripping his left arm.

"Do not pull it out like that!" She yells.

Rey moves again to sit next to him, Kylo bends and vomits again. He attempts to rip out the arrow again, Rey's forced to dig her nails into his bicep to stall his movements.

Her focus steals away for a moment, the force tells her about movement in the far distance. A much larger group making their way to their location.

The horror sitting in her chest only builds, knowledge of their situation clearing her thoughts. The archers had been disposable, a quick test of the Jedi's abilities, and the others were coming to learn about their findings.

She and Kylo had to leave, hide somewhere safe.

Like the cottage they passed by not long ago.

Rey keeps her hold on Kylo tight, pulling the force back to her. Rey lurches the carriage back into the air, willing them away as _fast_ as she could manage.

The effort tore at her, ripping her thoughts, like an animal trapped inside her skull scratching at her brain. Dipping and often crashing back into the ground before lifting off again.

Kylo struggles against her hold as Rey attempts to navigate them through the forest. Weaving and racing through the trees. The dull ache turns into a raging burn, swallowing her whole. Blood begins to drip from her nose as Rey wills them to move faster, a scream building at the base of her throat.

Again, he reaches for the arrow, but his movement is too shaky, Kylo manages a single rough tug before screaming out. Falling against Rey once again.

The carriage crashes onto the ground, destroying and breaking some of the wood. Rey fails to smother her painful cry as she again rips at the force to lift them back into the air.

Adrenaline seeps into her skin as sweat pours from her. Rey calls all of her energy and screams into the Force. Commanding the air to move faster, the wind tore past them, with leaves scratching them as they raced through the forest.

Finally the cabin comes into view, with her energy draining, Rey drops the carriage to the ground and drags them as close as she can manage. Before they've stopped moving, Kylo attempts to stand. His movements are uncoordinated, stumbling, falling to his knees.

Rey moves to follow him, placing too much weight on her broken ankle as she stands. Pain shoots through her, shocking and violating, Rey covers her mouth with her hand to muffle her cry, falling to the ground next to Kylo.

Her hands shake as Rey raises them to call her staff. Using the leverage to pull herself off the dirt. Then Rey turns her attention back to Kylo, locking her arm around his bicep.

Kylo uses his remaining energy to stand with her help. They manage a few steps towards the cabin, before Rey's knee gives out and she hits the wall of the cottage, Kylo smashing her harder against it.

They lean onto the side of the building, crawling their way towards the entrance. Kylo moves, slamming into the door, crashing down onto the ground. Rey falls after him, dropping to her knees, easing him up. They're forced to drag themselves inside, the rough ground scratching and ripping their skin.

Kylo pulls himself into a sitting position, his voice hoarse and ragged. "We need to push it through."

Rey moves to sit behind him, placing him between her legs. Rey observes the colorful feathers attached to the end of the arrow.

"I'll have to break this end off." She tells him, Kylo doesn't answer, but Rey notices his nodding.

Rey keeps her movements quick, no sense in prolonging the pain. A sharp groan escapes him as Rey snaps off the back end of the arrow.

Kylo braces his hands on the ground. Rey places her palm hard against the end she had broken, pushing it out the other side.

She hears Kylo curse through gritted teeth as the arrowhead pushes the rest of the way out. When her palm is found flat against his shoulder, Kylo falls back, causing Rey to lose her balance for a moment. His hair obstructs her vision.

Rey reaches around, gripping the shaft of the arrow, pulling the rest of it out.

Kylo moans in relief at the end, his breathing still heavy.

His blood is coated on her fingers, thick and warm. Rey notices another feeling, a separate texture residing on the arrow. Rey shifts her head, shaking Kylo's hair out of her eyes. She raises the arrow to study it.

Thick dark wood, a silver arrowhead. Her eyebrows furrow, she could have sworn it was green.

Rey brings the arrow closer, when the light hits the arrowhead, she sees the reflection of a green slime coating it. Rey runs her thumb over it, the green substance moving at her touch.

Her breath catches in her throat. Rey brings the arrow under her nose and sniffs.

The horror explodes inside her chest, her skin freezing over. Kylo notices the shift, tilting his head, attempting to look at her.

"What is it?" He asks.

Rey's mouth opens but nothing escapes. As though silence could change their reality. Tears prick at her eyes as she tells him the truth.

"Poison."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> pisces season got me fucked up. i blame driving in savannah, literally, theres nothing more disgusting than driving in fucking savannah, then my laptop froze up and i had to start looking into buying a new one, then i bought series one of fleabag, and then like, i was just sad all day. sorry it's been so long. i'm doing my best.


	13. Chapter 13

💫💫💫

Dim sunlight falls into the room in dull beams from dust covered window panels, slim feline figures jumping to higher vantage points obstruct the light from the room.

Stale, herb rich air coats Rey's lungs as she takes labored breaths. Straining her uninjured leg as she wraps Kylo's arm around her shoulder. Hissing at the unavoidable weight placed on her broken ankle as they began their pathetic move.

Rey helps Kylo drag himself near to a small wooden chest that rests in the center of the room. Intricate designs depicting a historical event unknown to Rey line the edge of the chest, covered and well hidden by years of tarnish and dust.

She's hesitant to prop Kylo against the chest, but any reservations Rey holds against keeping dirt out of his wound is outmatched by her sheer panic at the poison lingering in his bloodstream.

Rey knows she can lay a cloth over the chest later.

Leaning Kylo's back against it, Rey brushes her hand through his hair, over his face. Growing paler as the moments passed, quickly becoming covered in sweat.

His eyelashes flutter, pain held deep in his brown eyes. Kylo's jaw makes a sudden movement to suggest he was grinding his teeth together. She traces her finger along his jawline in an attempt to soothe him. Rey rips herself away from him, drowning her mind to focus on what _needs_ to be done.

Reaching for dry wood and old sticks littering the floor, Rey makes quick work at starting a fire inside the cottage. Building material and reaching out with the force, straining at the effort. Smoke was quickly suffocating the already stale air in the cabin.

Rey stumbles to open the ventilation latch for the fireplace, then crawls towards the windows as she forces them open. Cracking a single panel when her movements become too harsh.

The cats residing within the cabin scattered from wherever she stumbled her way to, watching her with curious eyes from a safe distance.

Crowding together, protecting their own. Rey burns her eyes as she studies the contents of their cabin. Large and small crates stacked across the walls, old tables, and broken chairs. A small surge of relief greets her at the sight of herbs hanging above the fireplace.

An old forgotten cabin, Rey doubted that she would be able to find anything of true use in any of the crates. That knowledge wouldn't stop her from trying. Once the fire contains more flame than smoke and she's sure Kylo won't suffocate to death, Rey leaves the cottage.

Dandorans sun was _blinding_ where it peered out between the lilac clouds.

She couldn't shield her eyes from the rays pouring over her. Using her staff for balance, Rey lunges her way back to the carriage, digging through the wreckage for the small medical bag that Kylo had acquired. Hissing at splinters that dug themselves under her fingernails, lifting loose boards and their other supplies she would return for.

She would have to move all of their belongings and destroy all evidence of the carriage. As well as making their crash sightly less noticeable. Even with Dandorans sun promising her long and plentiful hours of light, Rey knew she didn't have enough time to act.

Finally the small bag she had been searching for appears, a rich blue color tainted by dirt and splinters. Once the pouch was in her hands, Rey raced to return to Kylo. Smashing her shoulder into the door panel, dust and old paint chips scattering the air around her. The floorboards loudly whine as Rey barely keeps herself from dropping to the hardwood floor as she limps back to him.

A bead of sweat drops from his chin to his chest, the lump in his throat bobbing with his harsh breathing. His lips draw close in a tight line, Rey watches as Kylo slams his fist directly on top of his wound.

"What are you doing!" Rey cries, breathless.

His teeth are clenched as he spits his response. "I'm using," Kylo takes long pauses between his words. "the pain, as," A deep, raspy sound rips from his throat. " _adrenaline_."

Her staff slips from her grasp and Rey drops hard onto her knees next to Kylo. Rey rips open the small medical bag, copying the actions Kylo had taken when she had injured herself only days ago. Grabbing his face, forcefully pouring pain medication down his throat.

A choking sound escapes him, but Kylo swallows the medication. When his mouth opens again to suck in air, Rey uses her hands to drag herself towards the fire.

"I'm going to have to burn the wound close." She informs him.

A task which would possibly be simpler (albeit more _painful_ ) if either of them had their lightsaber. Now Rey would have to settle for a sharp stick heated by fire.

Behind her, Rey can hear as Kylo fumbles with removing his waist belt, vest, and undershirt. Rey reaches behind herself and produces a small knife which had been tucked into her belt.

Nothing that could cause any substantial damage, but more than enough to sharpen a stick to cauterize a wound close.

"This doesn't change anything." Kylo hisses behind her, Rey doesn't remove her eyes from her work. "Poison or no, I have plenty of time to win..." His voice trails off. "To win..." Kylo takes a hard breath. "To win this _fucking_ war."

A lead weight drops within Rey at the reminder of their deal. Threatening to pull her down to the core of Dandoran. She wouldn't risk his life for a childish agreement. Rey wouldn't risk a lifetime without Ben for the possibility of a life with him.

"Poison can kill in only hours in large doses." Rey snaps at him.

Kylo kicks his heel against the ground, waiting for steadier breaths to respond to her. "That one arrow," He breathes, "couldn't have enough poison to kill," another pause. "someone my size."

Whatever adrenaline Kylo had hoped to build was clearly no match to the shock of his injury and the exhaustion of constant Force use over the past few days.

Rey waits until the stick she holds next to the flames begins to smoke. "The poison is in your bloodstream." Her voice remains harsh but a hitch is present at the end of her sentence. "This is nonnegotiable."

A lighter breath leaves Kylo, followed by a harsh swallow. "I can win the war in three days."

He's attempting to bargain with her, Rey's eyes begin to water and she desperately wants to blame the smoke clouding her face. "Nonnegotiable." She repeats.

She had been foolish and reckless. Ben was willing to turn, Kylo was willing to turn. Rey had been too impatient for his redemption, she would rather wait. Return him to the First Order, listen to his apologies, allow him time to heal. A dyad in the force.

Old hope pounded in her chest. Ben Solo will turn, it wasn't too late. She just needed to wait.

Now, Rey only had to patch him up and somehow get Kylo Ren back to the First Order.

Kylo was resistant to her care, waving her away, still attempting to push their deal. Refusing her help until she re swore her agreement. Rey quickly grew tired of Kylo slapping her hand away and tilting his body out of her reach.

She then decided to straddle his hips, which gave Kylo pause and returned some color to his face.

Cauterizing his wound close was painful, causing them both to curse. Kylo lurching forward, burying his face into Rey's shoulder as she reaches around and closes the other end.

His fingers dug hard enough into her hips to leave bruises. Kylo also focused the remainder of his strength onto his hold of Rey, rendering her immobilized in his lap.

Still Rey reached down for the pathetic medical bag. She only needed soothing rub and bandages, Rey attempted to be as gentle as possible rubbing the lotion into his skin, but her shaking hands and the way Kylo's face would cringe told her she wasn't doing a good job.

To her horror, Rey noticed that while the bandages were made of exceptional quality, they were pathetically short. They couldn't possibly wrap around his bicep, let alone his chest. Frustration clouding her vision, Rey threw the bandages across the room.

A quick breath resembling a laugh escaped Kylo, tracing across Rey's neck.

The feeling of hot breath against her neck was too distracting, Rey moved her hand to rest on Kylo's uninjured shoulder, making to push him away. All of her movements stalled as Rey observed her own arm, clad in thick cloth.

A cloth that could easily be used in place of bandages.

She didn't have the luxury of searching for anything else, preferably not covered in dirt and her sweat. Kylo only needed a temporary bandage.

Rey quickly started unwrapping her arm cloths. Kylo, who seemed to be slowly overtaken by clouded judgment, began placing soft kisses on Rey's lower neck.

The combination of his hot breath on her neck and the lazy kisses he was now leaving caused something to stir within Rey.

A building warmth resting in her lower stomach. Rey ignored the tension building in her abdomen and the warmth spreading across her face. Once her left arm was free of its wraps, Rey tried to navigate her arms to tightly bind his injury.

Her only obstacle being Kylo's soft lips pressing into her skin. When she ran out of her makeshift bandage, Rey began removing the wraps to her other arm. Kylo himself began mumbling into the crook of her neck. Promises about winning the war, rough drafts of what she assumed to be one of his thirty-five apologies.

Rey had to urge his head back, much to his protest. Once Kylo pulled away from her, giving Rey the access she required to wrap the bandage in a new way, he returned to his favored hobby of observing her. Soft olive brown eyes filled with _wonder_.

He'd often looked at her like that. Memorizing her face over and over.

Rey gently pressed her hands against him, pushing him lightly back to lean against the chest behind him. Freeing herself from his hold with the reassurance that she would quickly return.

The air felt foreign against her bare arms, the sensation flooded Rey's senses with chills and phantom touches. Using her staff as leverage, Rey drags herself off of the ground, hobbling towards the doorway. As she walks away, Kylo calls after her.

"My word is good," Rey tilts her head in question as Kylo searches his own thoughts for elaboration. "if we lose," He can't hide the dread in his voice. "I'll return to the Resistance with you."

She pushes out of the cabin, guilt dragging its nails down her throat. He was remaining honorable to a system she had rigged in her favor. Rey couldn't allow him to follow through, Kylo Ren would return to the First Order.

Dandoran would have to fall without further interference from Rey.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> pisces season update: turns out that going ham for pisces season won't actually cure your depression. i am shocked.


	14. Chapter 14

💫💫💫

Spects of dust float slowly across his vision, smoke from the fire swirls around the dust in the dull beams of light shining in the cottage.

Rey enters the scene, a halo of light following in her steps. The end of her staff hits the ground with a vigorous thrum that could shatter the earth.

Her brown hair bounces with her movements, soft waves, slight curls. How long ago had he brushed his hands through her hair? He wants to run his fingers through it again. Rey stumbles deeper into the cabin, Kylo waits for her to approach him again. He needs to thank her, to apologize still, and assure her once again. Kylo places his hands on the ground, bracing himself to stand.

But no movements come. His arms only twitch in protest, remaining heavy and limp. Rey goes past him, dropping something onto the floor before twisting the leave again. Strained huffs of breath ripping from her lungs in their own protest. Her name is trapped on his lips, they part to call after her, but his voice fails him.

A weight resting on his eyelids gets the better of him for only a moment.

When Kylo opens his eyes to search for Rey, always searching for Rey, she's leaning against the doorway. Her face is obscured, her back facing him. A rim of light shines along her outline, depicting her to Kylo as though she were a religious painting.

A golden halo resting in her hair, a slim figure draped in loose gray robes.

His dyad, his salvation.

Rey exits the cottage, the action bleeds his heart. An eternity of damnation passes before she returns, only for her to leave once again. She's disappearing from him as quickly as she appears.

Kylo wants to stand, to chase after her. Reach out and hold on to her before the vision scatters in stardust. Fall to his knees and beg her for salvation, for forgiveness. Beg her to stay. Memories of recent history flood his mind, lonely nights of silent force Connections with Rey.

She never spoke to him, he never heard her voice once during that time. A punishment, a prison. A sweet melody from the force, bending reality so that they could face one another, the other half of their soul. Rey, a promising young woman standing before him, holding her head high while refusing to acknowledge him.

He ignored her in the beginning as well, out of spite, out of heartbreak. If he took the risk and approached her, Kylo knows he would have lost what little self-respect that still remained.

He would have _begged_ and begged for her. However, he was the Supreme Leader and could not throw away his pride chasing after his soulmate.

But he despised being the Supreme Leader, dreaded every responsibility, every meeting, every decision. His vision had shown him a proud Emperor with Rey at his side, ruling the galaxy, finally at peace. But Rey had rejected him, and Kylo's reality became a self isolated ruler longing for a life he could not obtain. That was the repeating punishment of his life.

Kylo would not yield, he would not beg, but he would ask. He worked tirelessly on drafting apologies for Rey while she gave him scraps of hope. Little moments patching the heart she shattered.

Still refusing to speak to him, never speaking to him, not since before Crait.

Kylo could clearly see what Rey had been feeling all those months ago when he knelt before her. Holding the dice from his father's ship, Rey standing high before him. Anger tinted her hazel eyes as she glared at him. He'd felt so pathetic, waiting for her to lash out, waiting for the inevitable violence that always, always came.

But she only closed the connection, leaving a cold burning sensation in her absence.

Even though the force connected them again only hours later, that moment haunted Kylo. Stealing hours from him as it replayed over and over on a torturous loop. The pain from that moment poured through him, threatening to kill him before the poison in his system had a chance to. She's leaving, always leaving. Kylo knows she's no spectacle of the force, Rey is here with him.

His vision continually fades to black, the colors of the room more distorted every time his sight returns. Rey enters the cottage with small bags, stumbles away only to return more desaturated than before. Floating large pieces of wood into the cabin, turning to leave again.

"Rey." Kylo chokes out. Begging, always begging.

Rey whips her head in his direction, the sweat dripping off her chin only visible by the dying daylight. She comes to him, lowering herself gently to her knees beside him. Rey cups her hand along his cheek, quickly turning it over, then pressing the back of her hand against his forehead.

"You're burning up." She whispers, brushing his hair away from his face, smoothing the edges down with her fingers. Kylo wants to reach out, touch her hair, hold onto her arm. All he wants to tell her threatens to fall from his lips, but all his energy is focused on keeping his eyes open. "It's alright." There's panic in her voice, Rey repeatedly tucks his hair behind his ear.

No.

She wants to send him back to the First Order, _alone_. "I just need to do one more thing and I'll be back." She promises. Kylo knows she sees the panic in his face, her expression softens. "I'll be right back, then we'll eat and I'll make a bed." She was going to leave again. "Then I'll get you out of here." Always leaving. "I promise."

Always leaving him.

She trails her finger along his cheekbone. "Please don't go," He begs, his voice barely above a whisper. There's a hitch in her breathing, a presence of a new pain echoing in the air.

"I'll come back for you." Rey kisses him before she leaves.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> pisces season update: sold my motorcycles and now i own a car??? what? wack. guess i'm hashtag thriving rip to this whole coronavirus thing but uh i'm different. (i named my car the coochie cruiser)
> 
> also expect smut in the next few chapters, i'd like to finish this fic before aries season starts but i guess i can channel that energy into my writing if i can't. 
> 
> also also, tros comes out to digital and dvd in a few days, so save your money and read my reylo fanfictions instead.


	15. Chapter 15

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> changed the title of this fic bc i wasn't feeling it, i like this one more (it's still taylor swift)

💫💫💫

Her lips still remember the feel of his as Rey drops to her knees. Sweat sticks her hair to her temple and neck, her clothing clings uncomfortably to her back. Her body begs for rest and she fears the taste of copper will never leave her mouth.

She can't rest, she can't stop. Rey's removed all evidence of the carriage crash from the clearing, all evidence except the piles of dirt that were disturbed. There's a chance that any individual who happened to pass the cottage wouldn't think anything of it, but Rey couldn't take any chances.

Rey pushes against the dirt, slapping it back into the ground. Cold, as well as smooth, sticking to the sweat coating her arms. She needs to wash her hands, she needs to fill their canisters with water. There's too much left to do.

He begged her not to leave.

She doesn't want to be away too long, Rey wipes her hands on the grey fabric draped over her body. Crawling back to her staff, pulling herself off the ground once again.

Kylo's eyes meet hers the moment he comes into view, guilt washes over Rey as she realizes he'd watched her leave and never took his eyes off the door. She wants to rush to him, to apologize, to beg forgiveness.

To tell the truth.

She can't. Rey instead steals her eyes away from Kylo, reaching for animal skins and blankets that Kylo had found earlier. Rey then removes her grey robes, rolling the fabric together until a pathetic pillow lies before her. Once the makeshift bed is ready, Rey returns to Ben.

He reaches for her immediately, a pained cringe washing over his face as he does. Rey places her hands over his, lowering them back to his side.

"I'm here." She whispers. "I came back, I told you I would." Ben holds her in his gaze, his brown eyes glossed over. Rey reaches up to hold his face in her hands.

His words take a moment to leave him. "Don't leave," Ben begs. "Not again." Rey reacts to his words as though a dull knife had plunged into her chest.

She hates herself. Hates everything she's done.

Rey can't respond, she leans down to kiss his cheek instead. "We're soulmates, remember." Her voice cracks. "We'll never be rid of the other." She tries to joke, but only silence follows.

Ben tilts his head, his nose brushing next to hers, he kisses the edge of her lips. Rey adjusts so they can touch more firmly. Gentle kisses pass, Rey moves her to his chest, feeling the taut muscles lying under his thin shirt. Lowing her hands to slide to his back, pulling him to her.

"Come with me." There's a hitch in his breathing, Rey clarifies. "Over, just a bit." She whispers, kissing again. "Lay down, rest."

Ben only has so much strength left, he's mostly dead weight in her arms. Rey grinds her teeth as she drags Ben into the bed she made for him, lifting his head to assure it's supported properly. Her hands slowly slip away, her head turning to find water for him, but as she leaves his hands find her.

Always finding the strength to beg. "Don't leave." He repeats.

Rey kisses him again. She knows she'll keep doing so until they truly part. She lowers herself next to him, resting her head under her free arm. Her body sings in relief. "Go to sleep." She begs herself. "Please."

Ben still holds onto her hand, lowing them to his chest, refusing to let go. The fire Rey had made earlier is dying, a dull orange glow flickering in the cottage. A dark blue grey sky stealing Dandorans light from them both. Curious cats taking cautious steps towards them.

Sleep drowns her,

💫💫💫

But not for long.

Everlasting darkness surrounds them, only dull embers from the fire offering salvation. Ben twitches and lightly jerks, a cringe resting over his features. His breathing is deep, and he doesn't react when Rey's hand slips out of his hold. Guilt pounds in Rey's chest as she realizes he's having a nightmare.

Shared destiny or no, Ben deserved a better soulmate. One who wasn't so selfish and pathetic. He didn't deserve the pain he had gone through, nor did he deserve to have nightmares.

Her arms _scream_ at her as Rey reaches for his face, calling upon all the light energy that will answer her. Rey floods all of it into his dreams, sending all the love he longed for and she had been too selfish to admit to.

She loved him so much, and nothing in the galaxy hurt her as painfully as that.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> pisces season is about to end...where did it go? why was i so depressed during all of it?? now i have to file my taxes during aries season, why did i do that to myself?? the clerics were right: we are own on worst enemy.


	16. Chapter 16

💫💫💫

Snoke is towering over him.

Crimson walls, bare of anything to distract from the bloody color, surround him, crimson floors clear of all dirt and dust threaten to swallow Kylo. The smell of bleach and stale chemicals burns his senses. The throne room is sterile, Kylo forgot how suffocating it was.

He's on his knees, his fists clenched at his side. His lower lip is trembling, wet tears stain his cheeks. Kylo hated how often he cried in front of Snoke, hated the punishment that followed. After years under Snoke's cruel supervision, Kylo had learned how to suppress every emotion that did not inflect rage.

He allowed rage to flow in his veins, tainting his body, correcting it. Kylo wore a mask to further shield himself from the light, from his humanity. It was never enough. In his most desperate hours, Snoke inspired such fear in Kylo he could not keep from trembling, from weeping.

Tears stick to his face as Snoke leans down towards him, the tears linger down his chin before splattering against the crimson floor. Kylo's eyes follow the tears path, a lighter shade of red crashing down before him. More thick drops follow.

He's crying blood.

Snoke gives Kylo a grotesque smile filled with slime coated teeth. Brown stains lining along his gums. Reaching towards him with sickly long fingers, Snoke traces Kylo's jaw. Fear screams at Kylo to run, but Kylo knows the punishment that comes from fleeing.

"You are so _weak_." Snoke taunts, his hand turning to behind Kylo's head, ripping at his hair.

Snoke always preferred the force to carry out his punishments. Throwing Kylo across the room, electrocuting him, paralyzing him in place while his guards carry out a physical punishment. Snoke rarely laid his own hands on Kylo as abuse, Snoke referred to it as a special treat, for when Kylo truly disappoints him.

He can only shake as his deceased master instills the fear of old gods into him.

"You will never be free of me, stupid boy." Spit falls onto his face. "I will always be," Snokes free hand raises, two long fingers pointed at Kylo. "right," His hand is approaching his face. "here." approaching is temple.

But something prevents the contact. A warm, invisible force shielding him. Snoke's movements are paralyzed, frozen in place like a glitched hologram. Something soft is calling to him, bidding him freedom, peace.

_Be with me_ the voice requests, _Be with me_. A sweet and low whisper, an escape welcoming him. _Ben_.

The room ascends to black when Kylo realizes it's Rey.

His limbs are heavy and limp, dull pain throbbing throughout his body. A cold chill stings his skin, the only warmth offered to him was Rey, who was pressed next to him. Though his senses were dulled, Kylo was acutely aware of exactly how their bodies were touching. How her chin was pressed into his chest. How her hand was holding his face.

He wants to reach for her, to curl onto his side and hold her. His body defies him, rejecting his will. No light comes when Kylo finally manages to flutter his eyes open.

An orange glow, so dull it was nonexistent, is at the very edge of his vision. As his eyes absorb the darkness, they attempt to create an outline of the ceiling.

Something shifts, as Rey presses her fingers more into his temple. Light energy swirls around him, like an old embrace. Light that had been calling him, pulling him home, light he had so painfully rejected.

A jolt of fear shoots through his body, as Kylo thinks that Rey might be trying to push the light into him. That fear presses down on him as Kylo screams in his own brain that Rey wouldn't do that, no matter how much she wanted Ben.

The light doesn't force itself into his head, doesn't attempt to enter his body. The light force energy surrounding him is content to just caress him, hold and embrace him with its gentle touch. There's an offer circling around him, moving from Rey, circling around him. When Kylo accepts, he does so blindly.

Golden light slowly shines through the black night. Sparkling and swirling as it flows between them. Bringing with it no images, no visions. Just memories of feelings, shapes of emotions. Small joy. Little moments. Rey offers him every memory from her life containing joy.

Jakku's sand during a winter's night, colder, soft. Soothing where it touches her skin. The feeling of a fan blowing against her neck, offering comfort as she'd never known. How it felt the first time she'd flown a ship. The thrill of air rushing past her as she scaled old Empire wreckage. Seeing a green planet for the first time. Making a friend.

Rey, on Starkiller base, seeing snow for the first time and despite the circumstances surrounding her, Rey's urge to place a handful of snow in her pocket, to take it with her. A silly thought that followed her, a longing to see snow again. The memories continue, Porgs nesting on an island, a grand ocean in the daylight.

And there he is. Sitting before her, reaching out. Tears in his eyes, heart on his sleeve.

Then comes to her friends again, his mother. The feeling of almost belonging. Impossibly small moments of friends smiling at her, eating with her. The feeling of his mother offering her kind words. How it sometimes felt pleasant to her when the Force connected them.

She's giving him every joyous moment she possesses, and it shatters his heart that there's so few. Finally, his hand answers him, slow moving, Kylo trails his hand across his abdomen, until his fingers graze her skin, lightly curling around her arm. Reaching out with the force, he offers Rey every happy moment in his life.

Braiding his mother's hair, how it felt when she held him, when she loved him. His father joyfully tossing him in the air as a child, chasing him across their yard while he squealed with laughter. His uncle visits them, bringing presents of books and grand stories of the Jedi.

His father stealing him away in the night, taking him on the smallest smugglers run he could think of. Sitting in his father's lap, pretending to fly the _falcon_. The smell of a new book, lazy naps on long days.

The memories he offers her begin to space out in their timeline until they arrive at her. Flashes of her face, the beginnings of a crush. Falling in love with her after a single fight. Her confiding in him.

The feeling of finally being free. How it feels to be with her, now.

There are not enough happy memories between them, and Kylo thinks she deserves so much more. He clings to where he holds her as Rey buries her face into his chest. Both still sharing everything they've ever considered nice. Repeating themselves when they can no longer find happy memories.

Kylo remembers a song, soft, melancholic. He shares it with Rey, watching as the golden light swirls to the melody. The light side of the Force embracing them, offering them a solitary peace as the dark side lingers just beyond them. Waiting for them.

They can worry about that in the morning, for now, they can rest in the afterglow, playing pretend that either of them can escape from the dark.

They're both delusional like that, Kylo thinks.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> it's the final day. rip pisces season, idk why you did me like that but i love you.
> 
> smut next chapter.


	17. Chapter 17

💫💫💫

"You're paler than last night." Her words are muffled into the material of his sweater, Rey keeps her hand on Ben's cheek. Stroking her finger over the warm skin, connecting the freckles that rest there.

Rose Gold sunlight softly drifts into the room, bathing the cottage in a somber beauty. Soothing warmth following the light, caressing their flesh, welcoming them both to a new morning. At the sound of her voice, Ben's lashes flutter open, warm brown eyes holding her in their embrace. Water clouds them just slightly.

A heartfelt smile spreads across his face.

Rey returns his smile, teardrops falling from the corner of her eyes. Rubbing her thumb across Ben's cheek again, running her fingers through his hair. Ben's heartbeat wakes with him, the rhythmic beating hums beneath his chest, Rey closes her eyes to lose herself temporarily in its melody.

Ben's arms wrap around the small of her waist, clinging to her where she lays next to him. Rey tilts her head, pushing against his hold, sliding her body next to his. Rey delicately kisses Ben, he presses into her lips, kissing her through his smile.

Rey pulls away, "Your lips are dry." She quietly comments, trailing her hand across his face to run her fingers over the swell of his lower lip. Painfully dry, beginning to crack.

Ben licks his lips as a response, his tongue brushing the tips of her fingers. She gently pulls away, attempting to sit up. Using the force to levitate their water canteen over to her side. Next to her, Ben pushes against the ground, choked grunts escaping him at the strain.

Rey twists her upper body so she could wrap a loan arm around his back, offering Ben any support she can manage. He takes the canteen from her, gulping down the water. A thin trail falls from his mouth, dripping from his chin, down his neck. Rey tentatively presses her fingers above where the stream meets the fabric of his shirt. Water lightly pooling around them.

A ragged gasp escapes him when Ben finishes drinking, coughs following. Rey calmly pats his back until his coughing fit subsides. She studies his profile, the pale complexion, his long nose. Stubble is starting to grow, on his chin, just over his lip. Rey hadn't noticed when she kissed him just then, she wondered if she would feel a scratch should she press her face into his.

After a hard, steady breath, Ben returns the water canteen into Rey's hands. She feels liquid still swirling around inside as she holds onto it. Quickly peering at what remains, nothing substantial, Rey mournfully notes. Only enough for a single drink, or a small sip and the rest could be used to prepare their portions.

They needed to eat, sooner rather than later. Rey doesn't want to even risk taking a sip, content to just dip her tongue in the cold water for a moment. A luxury she had been quite familiar with during her confinement on Jakku.

Her eyes return to Ben, reaching for his face, his hair. He catches her wrist as Rey moves to tangle her fingers in his dark locks. Ben moves her hand to hover over his mouth, pressing a kiss into the center of her palm. The action steals a small amount of air from her lungs, her heart flutters in her chest.

His skin is still so pale, "You didn't eat last night," Rey says in a rush, her gaze lost in the dark circles hanging under his big, sad eyes. "You're going to need your strength." There's a twitch in the look Ben gives her, still holding onto her wrist.

His lips move against her open hand. "I'm not leaving Dandoran until this war is over. You can stop trying to end it early." Kylo tells her, pressing a final kiss into her palm before releasing her.

Rey drops her hand into her lap, tearing her eyes away from Kylo. "These kinds of portions are quick to make, I'll refill our canteen when we're done eating." She leans away, reaching for another small pouch resting nearby.

"We can split a _single_ one between ourselves." Kylo comments when he sees her reaching for two whole portions.

Her hair whips around her as Rey turns to glare at him. "I'm not letting you go hungry when there's poison in your blood." Keeping her tone bitter as she continues their food preparation.

Kylo huffs. "Not enough to kill me." Rey rolls her eyes.

"Can you stand?"

His body shifts, making to leap himself off the ground but no energy follows him. Only harsh breathing which he attempts to suppress. Rey quietly turns to face him, handing over a full portion of blue bread.

💫💫💫

"I'd offer to clean your wound, but I'm guessing you'll only be difficult about it." Rey says as she stumbles back into the cottage. A cool breeze following her inside.

"I'm not going to die, Rey." Kylo mutters as he presses his hand around his shoulder, ripping at the fabric of his sweater. "Did you put this back on me after you wrapped my shoulder?" He turns his eyes to her.

Rey nods as she walks to him. "It's cold at night." She reminds him. "Wasn't easy, but I didn't want you freezing."

Kylo extends a hand to her, Rey takes it as she lowers herself next to him. "Thank you." His voice is low, vibrating in the air around them. Rey doesn't let go of his hand once she's seated.

He brushes his thumb over the back of her hand.

"We'll have to keep our focus when we scout later today." Kylo says. "We should be able to split up to cover more ground, but should any of those psychopaths get to close..." He takes a breath. "Using the force to conceal ourselves would be a better option than engaging in a fight."

Rey shakes her head. "Can you even stand yet, Ben?" He avoids her eyes. "What are you hoping to gain by scouting? Getting their numbers? Finding their hideout?" Kylo's lip twitches before he responds.

"Why are you _questioning_ me? Why don't you trust my judgment?"

Her shoulders slouch forward. "I fail to see how we can possibly win this war."

Kylo's nose scrunches. "The Resistance has won greater battles with lower odds. We both know that." Black hair falls over his eyes as he tilts his head. "Think about all the battles we fought against each other."

Rey leans towards him more. "Tell me how we're going to win this then."

"I'm placing all of my hope in Joran's stupidity. If there's a chance of him throwing a lightsaber into my hand-"

" _Your_ hope?" Rey questions.

Kylo opens his mouth to give a response before stalling, his jaw slack. Finally, "I was clear with what I wanted." He says. "The ability to apologize, and for you to listen."

Rey knows him better, "You want more than that, Ben."

His mouth tightens, Kylo looks around the room. "You joining me in the First Order was not in our deal."

"But it's something you want." Her voice is colder than she wants it to be.

"Yes, but I'm not going to demand it from you!" Kylo insists. "You'll turn by your own hand, and I'll be waiting for you." Silence falls over them, after a few moments Kylo says, "I'm always going to want you." Rey bits down into her lower lip. Words she wants to say refusing to leave her.

_I'm always going to want you as well_.

Kylo continues. "I offered you my hand once, you wanted to take it." Water clouds her vision, "Why didn't you?"

Rey avoids his question. "So you'd go against your own morals?" She asks.

"My morals?" Kylo scoffs.

"Risk joining the Resistance, and the consequences that come with it." She elaborates, brushing her hair behind her ear as Kylo's eyes burn into her. His eyebrows narrowed.

"You wouldn't have agreed to any deal that would result in you joining the First Order. I'm the only one of us willing to risk their lives for the other."

Her voice is pitched, "What!"

Kylo leans towards her as well, his breath hot where it brushes her face. "I'm not so blinded by my feeling for you that I've overlooked how the Resistance would react to you bringing me to their base."

Rey's voice shakes with anger as she responds. "Do you think I would allow them to hurt you."

Kylo matches her rage. "Do you think you have enough sway over them to prevent my execution."

"The Resistance does not get a say in what happens to you. I wanted you by my side before I knew our souls were bound, you have a home in the light." Visions of him smiling by her side, warm and bright. She's longed after that future since the force showed them to her.

"Returning to that home means my death. You know that, Rey." His voice wavers on her name.

Rey looks into the golden flecks that shine in his eyes, the water that swells and falls from them. "I called off our deal for a reason, Ben." Tears pour from herself as well. "You see your death in the Resistance, I see your death here. Attempting to hold true to an agreement you are no longer bound to."

"I am a man of my word, I am bound to that."

Her hand reached up to hold his face, so close to him that their lips ghost over each other. "You are bound to _me_. I have spent my whole life searching for a home and a family, a sense of belonging. Now that I finally have that, the other half of my soul, you would risk it!"

A shaky breath falls from Kylo, his voice quiet, uncertain. "I'm not risking it."

"What happens to our bond if one of us were to die?" Rey questions, continuing he fails to answer her. "Do you wish that upon me?"

"Do you think you can leave the planet without me at your side?" He counters.

Rey gasps. Her hold on Kylo tightening at the thought of leaving him. She can't. She _can't_.

They were so separated by their places in the galaxy, doomed to forever unhappy and dissatisfied.

She can't answer him, everything that needs to be said rests inside of her but no words come. Forced to acknowledge what she had wanted to remain in denial about. Moments between them are always building, a pull that has been growing stronger since she first saw him. Rey didn't want to be anywhere that he wasn't'. She didn't want to look at anything else.

He knew, and he threw that knowledge in her face. The same dilemma that he was struggling with himself. Both stuck with an impossible choice with only one outcome they cared about.

Bound to someone that loves them, body and soul.

Unable to reach the other.

With nothing to say and heartbreak on her sleeve, Rey closes the little distance left.

Pressing her lips over his. Kylo's arms are quick to wrap around her, pulling her against his chest. Passionate, aggressive. He runs his tongue over her lower lip, biting at the swell when she opens her mouth.

Rey growls at the pain, moving her hand to the back of his neck to keep him in place. Kylo fights against her hold, pushing to press hard kisses around her face, down her neck. His stubble scratching at her skin.

Her hands wander up from his neck to painfully twist in his hair, pulling back so that Rey can taste his lips once again. Kylo responds by rushing his hands down her spine, over the swell of her rear.

A surprise moan escapes Rey as she arches to his touch, but his hands continue to roam. Squeezing her thighs, pulling at her.

Urging her into his lap. Her knees scrape against the ground as Rey moves to straddle him. Kylo attempts to support her weight, lifting her into the air, twisting his body to accommodate, but they're both still pathetically weak.

She presses too much weight on her ankle, he places too much strain on his shoulder.

They both hiss at the pain as they slide onto the floor, the dirt dusting into the air around them. Rey doesn't allow her movements to falter, pulling Kylo closer from where she still holds onto him.

He moves to cover her but Rey moves against him, keeping them both on their sides. Aggressively kissing and pulling hair.

His breath is so hot where it tangles with hers, his tongue laps over and fights with hers. Rey attempts to nip at him but Kylo pulls back slightly when she does so. Pressing a kiss hard enough on her lips that her teeth throb for a moment.

His hands still squeeze her upper thighs, Rey drags her hand down his chest and over his forearm, gripping his wrist, bringing them up to cup her bottom.

With his hold on her ass, Kylo pulls her flush against him, hissing in her mouth at the tight press of her against his growing length.

Rey grinds against him as an act of defiance, but a high pitch moan immediately follows the action. White stars flashing across her vision. She repeats the movements, possessed by the feeling.

Kylo pulls his lips away from hers, looking down. Tightly grabbing her hips, helping her grind into him.

Only for his movements to completely stop, her body _screaming_ at the loss of attention. Worried eyes find her, his hold on her loosening. "Is this what you want? Is thi-"

"Yes!" She all but cries, thrusting herself against him.

Kylo resumes his movements with full momentum. Grinding themselves against the other, running her up and down the hard length of his cock. He kisses her through the plentiful gasps and moans that keep falling from her mouth.

He tries to steady out a rhythm, but Rey's erratic thrusting prevents him. The cloth of her underclothes painfully rubs against her clit but she continues grinding against Kylo. Heat building between her thighs, white light slowly covering her vision.

Her body begs for an infinite amount of things she needs him to do to her, ways she needs him to touch her. The current lust washing over her overtakes all sense, the pulsing of her clit perfectly content to continue her frantic rubbing over Kylos cock.

Kylo tilts his hips slightly, the head of his cock-still trapped inside his trousers- presses over where Reys clit rests beneath her clothing. Quiet beggings escape her as she repeats the short contact, quickly rubbing back and forth.

The white light and stars build across her vision until there's nothing else. A quick, warm orgasm waves through her body. Gasping into Kylo's mouth as her limbs are overtaken by a slight tremble. He peppers kisses and lightly nips at her.

Kylo continues grinding as her orgasm continues flowing through her. Thrusting repeatedly until his movements become erratic, desperate. Finally giving a final thrust, burying his face into the crook of her neck, holding onto her hips as he comes.

Rey holds onto him when a slight shake comes to his shoulders. His hands slide up her back, bracing her body against his. Rey rubs soft circles into Kylos back as he takes a ragged breath. Her eyelids flutter as she watches the sunlight that washes over the room, more golden than rose at this hour. Dust particles sway in its light.

She can feel his heartbeat, where her hand is pressed into his back. She can also smell the dried blood from his wound. Rey moves to place a kiss on his ear, Kylo speaks as she does so.

"I'm sorry." His voice choked.

Rey's breath catches in her throat, slight panic building in the wake of her orgasm. "What for?" She finally questions.

She can feel the hitch in his breathing, where it brushes against her skin. His shoulders shake again. "It shouldn't have been like this." He explains, "It should've..."

He wanted more for their first time, wanted better circumstances, and Rey longed for that as well. Wanting, wishing, and longing was all they knew how to do. They had to stop if there were going to live to see any future that was waiting for them. Their reality was set. Rey tightens her hold on Kylo, kissing the side of his head again.

"We've never been good at doing what should have been done." She says. "I'm happy with what we have."

She wishes her voice hadn't cracked at her last sentence.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> where pisces season brings depression so does aries season bring aggression


	18. Chapter 18

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> tw//sickness  
> tw//illness  
> tw//poison

💫💫💫

There's a watery cough building in his throat as Kylo stews in his shame.

His arms are still wrapped around Rey, her body warm where it's pressed against him, both of them still basking in the afterglow of their rut.

Kylo fists his hands into the dark fabric of her shirt as shame beats into his core. He had let anger and a baser instinct drive his actions and only now after the act was complete did he register the consequences.

She deserved so much more, Rey curls against him, pressing her face into his chest as she clings to his larger frame. He's swallowing her up, still ruining aspects of her life by his own shortcomings.

Kylo's mistakes rage just behind his eyes as he pulls Rey tighter against him. His wound stinging and _burning_ from the strain of the movement. More apologies that he had to draft. How many does Kylo have to write before he reaches a point where they are obsolete.

"I'll make it up to you." His promise is a whisper lost in her chestnut hair. "Tonight, I swear, no -"

This cottage was covered in dust and recent painful memories. Rey deserved a bed, with soft silk sheets and a plush comforter. A delicate room with grand windows that allowed a gentle breeze, wildflowers trapped in vases.

She also deserved a partner who was _clean_ and not still bleeding from a recent injury. Kylo wanted to give himself entirely to Rey, devote himself to her and show her how he would dedicate himself to-

But his offer was based on the condition that she joined him in the dark; and Kylo hadn't proved himself worthy of her salvation.

Whatever he was begging for, he wouldn't find it in this cottage.

Rey, surprisingly, begins to press kisses along the column of his throat. Reaching upwards to trail her lips along his jawline. "It's _fine_ Ben, you're injured. We'll figure this out later, you can make it up to me _later_."

As Kylo turns his head, ready to ignite yet _another_ of their fights, Rey slants her lips over his. Gently massaging them, her tongue touches his lower lip. Kylo _yearns_ to open up, to give himself entire unto her -

But the watery cough is threatening to spill, so Kylo draws his lips in a fine line. Praying that Rey will _understand_.

He thinks that she does. Rey changes her direction and presses a few gentle kisses on his cheek. Before pulling away and resting her head against his chest once again.

"We'll rest for a bit, until your strength as returned." Rey laminates.

Her words again crash into his heart. He won't break his vow to her, Kylo won't allow them to leave the planet. Rey could try all she's like to prevent his execution, but even if she were successful they would both have to be wary of extremists seeking out their own personal revenge.

The only hope they had for _them_ was in the First Order; now that Rey has begun to acknowledge her true feelings,

She would turn. Just as they wouldn't leave.

It was an inevitability.

Kylo closes his eyes, allowing rest to caress his eyelids as he continues to suppress the cough building in his throat.

💫💫💫

"Do you still have the ties for your hair?"

A few hours have passed since they laid together, Rey had successfully pulled Kylo upright and forced a whole portion in his mouth. His cough ripped through him through the process but hadn't prevented him from finishing the food.

His cough also hadn't been satisfied with short bursts. Instead _begging_ to leave him in fits which shook his ribcage.

Rey had patted his back with a firm hand until Kylo managed to again suppress the urge.

After a few moments, the silence became unbearable, and he still needed to stall their leaving the planet.

Rey lifts her hand to run through Kylo's hair. Tucking thick locks behind his ears and pulling the length away from his neck. "Yes, I can pull all of this back into a bun if you'd like."

Her offer is so genuine and pulls an unsuspecting smile from Kylo. "No, no-"

She mistakes his reservation for something else, "I'm not going to put them in the three buns I wear, I was just going to-" She pulls and tugs at his hair for emphasis as she gathers it together.

Three hairbands sit at her wrist, Rey quickly removes one, securing it around Kylo's bundled hair with four tight twists. She moves her hand away from his hair to instead cup his face, a smile warming her cheeks.

"Does that feel better?"

It takes every ounce of self control that still remains within Kylo to not break out into a wide smile. The cough was still threatening him, but he _did_ feel better. His body felt as though it was slowing drawing aflame, and the weight and heat away from his neck was a soothing sensation he hadn't known he needed.

Instead of vocalizing himself, Kylo leans forward and presses a chaste kiss against her cheek which Rey leans into.

Swallowing the cough, Kylo mumbles against her skin "Let me braid your hair."

It's a light breath that agrees for her. Pulling away as a flash of glimmering hazel eyes drink him up before turning away. Rey removes the hair bands from her wrist and hands them to Kylo over her shoulder.

"What sort of braid are you going to do?" Rey asks and Kylo slides the bands over his own wrist, running thick fingers through Rey's hair as his mind runs through the _long_ list of ideas he had imagined in the previous months.

He was, unfortunately, limited with supplies at the moment and would have to select a more simplistic option. "Two twin braids which I'll twist and tie together to get them off your neck as well, it's insufferable hot on this planet."

She doesn't disagree, but there's a tension in her shoulders that suggests she wants to.

💫💫💫

He works in silence, pure insufferable silence only shattered by adjusting limbs, deeper breaths, and a sickly cough that begs to be released.

Seldom slipping past his lips but shaking his breathing either way. There's sweat building on his forehead, dripping down the side of his face and dripping his chin.

Kylo announces his completion of Rey's hair with a tap on her shoulder, too terrified by the coughing fit he _knows_ will overtake him should he open his mouth.

Rey turns to face him, concern coloring her face as she regards him with a light horror. Slowly, so slowly, she reaches out to her. Touching two delicate fingers to his lips before immediately pulling away.

Her hazel eyes stare at her fingertips as her thumb rubs over them, spreading a dark color over the three digits. Her eyes return to him with newfound horror and _sorrow_. Announcing the newfound tragedy in their situation.

They weren't leaving this planet. At least, Kylo wouldn't.

"Its blood," Rey breathes, "The poisons reached your lungs."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> happy gemini season, it's been a minute
> 
> so, i had the base plot of this fic plotted way back in feburary, and that plot involved kylo/ben getting poisoned and that poison entering his lungs and rey nursing him back to health and angst and feels and whatever
> 
> PROBLEM IS a new plague came about right when i was trying to introduce all of that and it felt cruel to write about that sort of thing at this time??
> 
> but like, i'm gonna try to go forward. i only see maybe 5-10 chapters left of this fic. i know where it's going and how its going to end (and i promise a happy ending) but again, giving uuuuhhhh everything going on in the world right now, updates will be sparse (but this fic is not dead i swear)
> 
> also, i'm no longer feeling the chapter titles so i'm going to change them sometime sooooooon
> 
> thank you all so much for reading, and thank you so much for waiting.


	19. Chapter 19

💫💫💫

The blood is light where it sits on the swell of Ben's lower lip. A taunt dark red which stains and shines against his flushed, pale complexion.

It's a subtle beginning, clear signs that the dim lighting of the cottage had hidden from her. The darkening, purple discoloration sitting under his eyes, the light sound of gurgling that follows his breath. As though he were drowning.

Ben's skin is so pale, there's cold sweat dripping down from his forehead, as Rey reaches forward to press her palm against the fabric of his shirt so finds the material completely damp.

Another cough attempts to rock through him, Ben swallows the attack down but fails to prevent the blood on his lip to drip onto his chin. He doesn't close his eyes, he doesn't shy aware from her gaze. Ben looks upon her with an air of farewell, as though he were trying to memorize her face for the last time.

No.

Rey pulls away at once, her hands quickly skirting the filthy ground under them. Searching for the herbs she had collected. Once the dried bundle grazes her touch, Rey grabs onto to them with an urgent hold. The stems crack in her hands and the leaves crumble.

Dusting in the air around them, drifting so slowly to the close floor as Rey once against attempts to identify the natural remedies at their disposal; but they are only for pain and the aide of sleep. That's all they had needed, as she had _thought_ they needed.

There are still herbs hanging over the fireplace. Rey flows to her feet, her body operating on an autopilot she hadn't known could overtake her. There is pain coursing through her body, a panic she can not control but neither prevents her. Rey plucks the extra bundle of herbs from where they hang.

She recognizes plants to ease nausea, herbs which when crushed and washed into a paste ease burns, but there is nothing for poison and nothing to ease breathing pain. Had there been a garden outside? Would valuable plants be planted away from the cottage? What about the riverbank?

Rey had heard about flowers and how some can reverse the effects of poison but where could she find such a flower?

The pain medicine Rey had brought with her from the Resistance was gone. She hadn't rationed enough and now they were without. The corpses of droids that litter the forest were ancient, broken, and rusted.

None would possess the medical supplies to help them and repairing one to communicate their knowledge on treating poison would take too long, Ben would be-

The crazed killers of the Mynock Grotto.

Each of the arrows would have been poisoned, they would have had to account for the _possibility_ that one of their own could have come into contact with it. If there had been an accident, or if Ben had turned their own arrows against them.

They would require a remedy to save themselves and their fellow soldiers, they would have a _cure_.

"Whatever you're thinking Rey, you know it's foolish." His voice isn't as hoarse as she had thought, there is strain but not as horrific as what she imagined. Ben sounds just as he had moments ago. As though nothing had changed since they awoke.

_Her_ voice however, is rife with panic. "Did the bond tell you what I've planned?" Her back has faced him since she stood to gather the additional herbs. Rey doesn't turn around to look upon him, she can't bear it. Not yet.

"You aren't projecting anything, but I know you, Rey." Ben is calm, accepting. So uncharacteristic and heartbreaking -

"You don't know anything about me." He's calm because now all their rage belongs to Rey, her shoulders tremble as hot tears burn her cheeks. There's a fire roaring inside of her now, ready to consume both of them.

He sounds so sad, "Don't bring up old arguments Rey." Ben keeps saying her name, he won't stop saying her name.

Rey still doesn't turn to face him. They've wronged each other so greatly, at this point what right did they have to the other? Still, when Rey speaks, she cements her vow in their bond. "We're leaving Dandoran together, I don't care where we go. You're not dying in this pathetic civil war."

"Rey, you've been fighting in a grander war for some time. You have to know by now when to leave a soldier behind."

💫💫💫

She refuses to answer him. Instead, Rey moves throughout the cabin, reaching for the animal skin rugs and loose fabric covering the furniture. She piles them on top of Ben, as well as bundling them as cushions behind him.

He doesn't fight her. Ben is completely silent as Rey storms though the cottage, whether he's accepted Rey's determination or he's attempting to find peace with his impending - Rey doesn't want to know.

All of the furniture is old, waterlogged, and ready to break. The tables which hold objects and materials are of little value. Blank pieces of yellowed parchment, candle wax, and used matches. There is a folded paper with writing not belonging to the common language but not so alien that Rey hadn't studied it.

The note was only the name of some Courscant city as well as the name of a building along with a time frame. Old withered and an ancient story that some smuggler in the galaxy has even forgotten.

Rey seeks out the trunk resting behind Ben next. Careful as she uses the Force to shatter the lock and gently raises the top. A bright blue robe sitting at the top of the chest's contents, the words 'Smugglers Basin' carefully embroidered and bedazzled on the back. There are layers of dirt on the sleeves and select food stains on the front. This cottage hadn't been as abandoned as Rey had thought.

Under the robe, there were layers of fabric, more blankets, and shawls along with generic women's clothing, but as Rey shuffles the materials around there is the sound of muffled thuds. Rey quickly begins unraveling the bundled fabric and collects that which falls from them.

To her surprise, a bomber jacket is the first item she discovers. A dark black material with excessive padding on the shoulders and elbows. A thin metal sheet sits high on the right breast reading _Qi'ra_. Rey turns the jacket around to find a Sith insignia branding the back of the fabric.

Most of what Rey finds next are countless jewelry and golden credits. Clothing and dresses which were far more fanciful than that which wasn't hidden. There was only one swaddle left, the largest out of all the other.

The bundle haves a hefty weight to it, which fills Rey with a rightful hope. Even as she unravels the package, she's able to recognize the familiar outline of a blaster.

The weapon was old but reliable. Not up to par with the damage that newer blasters can inflict but still strong enough to take down an enemy. As Rey examines her finding, she notices a scrap of paper stuffed down the barrel.

When her fingernails fail to rip out the message Rey turns to the Force yet again. Unfolding the paper with quiet anticipation as she reads a single sentence written in tiny, delicate writing.

_'Under the garden.'_

Perhaps it was nothing, maybe it was everything. Rey _had_ to know. She wastes no time in standing, shutting the chest, and stumbling towards to exit.

As she moves to pass Ben he reaches for her, wrapping those thick large fingers around her wrist. His touch is calming and warm, washing over her in a sense of _home_. Her movements stall entirely, frozen in place with hope still begging her to move forward.

Their bond is golden and warm and safe, Rey wants to crumble before Ben, to wrap herself in his hold and will their sorrow away. To fall asleep together and wake up in a reality where they weren't fools and life was easy.

She was so _tired_.

After a long moment has passed, Rey pulls herself out of Ben's gentle hold and heads to the garden.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> stay safe


	20. Chapter 20

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The sunlight of Dandoran burns her flesh as the past flashes on the horizon. Her despair working as the dark necromancer which bids all her truth and lies to dig themselves out from where she buried them.

💫💫💫

Rey remembers the first time she had met Ben.

A moment so intertwined with her soul that the memory has never faded. There were so many memories of Ben that stayed with her, that had embedded themselves into her skin; made their new home in her heart.

It's no lie, that the majority of their encounters haven't been pleasant, be it their meeting in the flesh or across the stars with their force bond. An overwhelming amount carried anger and _rage_. Some of their shared memories drownd Rey in melancholy and sorrow. Grief and _loss_ she couldn't understand that stole the air from her lungs.

But then there were the stolen moments.

Memories and encounters which were so peaceful and soft that she'd refused them, locking them away in an undeserving, dark corner of her mind. Too kind and cruel for Rey to truly acknowledge.

Back in her physical body, her feet stumbled across the uneven terrain as Rey allows her admittance to flood her conscienceless.

There had always been a shadow of a smile that he wore whenever the Force had connected them. Early on, Ben would hide the expression behind a sly smirk. Arrogant and infuriating, never failing to boil her blood.

Then, as the days extended into weeks, and months began truly separating them from that moment in the Crimson Throne room; something softened in him. A peace, an _ease_ had found Ben while it continued to elude her.

When the sound in the world around her would muffle, as the air snapped them into a quiet vacuum. Rey would turn to find a soft expression tugging his lips. He greeted her with a look of wonder, and Rey would catch glimpses of slightly crooked teeth.

The first time Ben had looked at her with such warmth, Rey was stopped with disbelief. Almost starstruck with the comedic, _cosmic_ irony that a man who donned such a brooding nature, whose black heart loved scowling, could have possessed such an idyllic smile.

Rey was terrified of how welcoming their bond slowly became after Ben began looking at her like _that_.

There were still the connections where their mutual bitterness would seep into both their signatures. Drowning them with a sick combination of angst and pinning. _These_ were the moments that Rey desperately clung to.

Her pain lessened when she held onto her anger; when she convinced herself that there was a distinct difference in Kylo Ren and Ben Solo. Rey would isolate herself from the Resistance camp, clutching the datapad Leia had gifted her.

Reading and rereading every report they had on the war crimes committed by the First Order. By the newly appointed Supreme Leader: Kylo Ren. Her rage salting the ground she stood on as she willed and _begged_ herself to the _correct_ mindset.

Rey sat with Finn and Poe, quietly inquiring about their experiences with him. Internalizing the horrific details, forcing herself to realize that her Jedi Killer could not be absolved for his deeds.

But in the darkest of those days, Ben would come to her with the softest intentions. The purple bags under his eyes were lighter, his hair thick and full. Always miraculously possessing a shine that Rey longs to reach.

Watching her with respectful interest, an amused huff escaping him when he witnessed a porg materialize on top of her lap. Rey steadied her eyes on the small creature in her care, biting down muffled protests as the sea dwelling bird nipped her finger hard enough to draw blood.

Still, she kept her eyes adverted through all of her attention belonged to him. Her neck burning with his gaze upon her. Regarding her with a fondness that she had never known while Rey continued to hold onto her anger.

Had he spoken to her then, if she had shown him an ounce of kindness then _maybe_ -

💫💫💫

Rey launches herself onto the ground before the garden, which was already a mess from when she had carelessly ripped through the plant life and herbs growing there. Soil still sits under her fingernails as Rey buries her fingers in the earth anew.

Panic drips from her forehead and down her chin in thin beads of sweat, her hands remain steady as she tosses dirt on either side of her thighs. Stray movements allow it to begin piling in her lap, covering her clothes, staining her skin further.

There's a pounding sensation at the front of her skull, as though her own brain was beating at its confinement. Attacking Rey with increasing aggression as guilt and countless _what if_ suggestions hound her.

Hands trembling as she blinks away melancholy,

But her sorrow slips through. Joining with her exhaustion, pouring in earnest from her stinging eyes. Rey's movements become more desperate as she heaves mounds of soil away from her pathetic excavation site until she destroys any hope she has for progress by stalling her efforts in favor of beating her fist against Dandorans earth.

The bones in her wrist creek as Rey lifts her arm above her head only to slam it back down. She couldn't even remember the apology he attempted to give her. Only a few days separated them both from that moment, why couldn't she remember. Why hadn't she bothered-

Rey longed so terribly for a sign of his remorse, why had she dismissed him?

_Because he is still the Supreme Leader_ a cold voice reminds her, Ben searched for forgiveness in the wrong woman. Rey couldn't absolve him. Her enemy across the stars, her dyad in the force. Rey _couldn't_ absolve him.

She wanted to, Rey so desperately wanted it.

She's been lying to herself since she abandoned Ben in the throne room. Rey had wanted to take his hand then, she wanted to save his soul. Rey's never stopped wanting that.

And now Ben Solo is _here_ , only a short distance beyond her. Offering her playful scowls, his terrible deadpan humor. Ben was opening himself in ways she had yearned for; now Rey knew their souls were bound together, she knew what his lips tasted like, how it felt to move her body against him -

A muffled sob rips through her body in shockwaves.

_This is all my fault_ Rey wanted so much more, she's always wanting so much more. _He's going to die and it's my fault_.

A whisper breathes behind her, lightly rustling her hair, still locked in place by the braids Ben had done for her. A gentle hand presses on the center of her back. A phantom touch from the force, as her breathing calms Rey can feel how Ben has wrapped his force signature around her.

His energy and hold aren't as strong as she knows it has the potential to be, but in _this_ moment it's enough to save her. Lulling her fear, easing her panic and pain.

Ben's words quiet and soft where it extends them to her, a delicate suggestion _Please, come back to me_ a few heartbeats pass before he repeats _Please_.

Rey swallows air that now seems cooler, _I will_ , she isn't sure if Ben heard her, but he continues to stay with her. His energy swirling with her own as Rey straightens herself. Her knuckles crack as she flexes her fingers, raising her hand in a smooth motion.

Her palm is facing Dandorans earth, Rey lowers her hand closer to the soil as she extends her reach with the force. Looking far into the ground below her until she finds the object that had been hidden by _Qi'ra_.

Twelve feet below where her hand rested, buried underneath the earth was a weapon bound by layers of cloth, along with _something_ crying out in agony. Rey's fingers twitched as she wills the bundle to sift against the compacted soil. Bidding it closer and closer until-

The bundle breaches to the surface, ascending until it's reached Rey's grasp.

The rough texture of the fabric on the outside of the bundle was damp, covered in dirt that would never truly wash away. Rey squeezes her fingers between the thin leather straps that clasp around the center, pulling against their weight until the old material snaps from her strength.

Layer after layer of cloth and fabric falls next, Qi'ra had taken such care to preserve and protect this artifact. Rey knew what was awaiting her once she finished unraveling the mystery though so many questions lingered.

Finally, the agony that screams into the force with an intensity that does not belong to Rey. She slowly unwraps the last of protection, and is faced with an impossibly long, silver lightsaber. Decorated with cosmetic red buttons. Rey's fingers wrap around the center of the hilt, lifting the saber a safe distance away from her body, twisting her wrist _just so_ before igniting the weapon.

Rey watches as two long crimson beams extend from the lightsaber.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i forgot to pay my internet bill thats why this is so late :( :( happy cancer season


	21. Chapter 21

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Rey finds hope in the blinding crimson blades.

The sabers light bleeds her skin with its red tint which extends onto the garden and even reflects in the soft ripples of the stream flowing around the cottage. Hope flares around her in bright, _crimson_ highlights.

Even with the agonizing scream the kyber crystal inside the hilt of the saber, even with Sith legends swirling around her memory -

Rey extinguishes the lightsaber, the twin light blades retreating back inside the hilt, though their light continues to follow Rey through rapid blinking. She elects to shut her eyes entirely, but the image lingers still. Warping and flashing with various colors in a bright orange backdrop.

A breeze passes by, stealing stray hairs and excess warmth that had been embedded into her skin. A rustling of sound, leaving moving with the wind, animals, life quietly continuing on. Rey's head tilts back, her lungs breathing in deep appreciation.

The _last_ thing Rey should be doing is thanking a Sith lord for leaving her lightsaber buried in the garden, but Qi'ra has given them a fighting chance; however, Rey thinks that if she should be giving thanks she should add in a prayer for mercy.

Both the Sith and the Jedi are notorious for dying in battle, she can't imagine the reasoning behind burring her weapon on a planet such as Dandoran. Not unless she was planning on returning-

Rey opens her eyes to a clear purple sky.

She hopes Qi'ra is dead, she and Ben don't need anything else to worry about. Vague and thoughtless plans flutter through her mind. Some of merit and others plain death wishes. She'll talk to Ben about- No, he's so stubborn they'll just fight.

_Come back to me_ He whispers through the bone. Ben was still with her, his force energy keeping her company, pleading with her to return. To join him in the false sense of safety that their cottage provides. _Come back to me_.

💫💫💫

Rey returns to Ben at his call, his arms outstretched, his face red from suppressed coughs. The tips of his ears are red as well, and there is longing in Ben's eyes. As much as she _wants_ to, Rey doesn't fall into his embrace.

She knows that once his arms wrap around her again, Rey could be lost to melancholy. That or her rage will have her screaming and destroying their cottage with Qi'ras' saber.

Rey nearly collapses onto of him, catching herself just before her forehead smashed into his nose. Her legs awkwardly twist and bend, Ben's reaching for her arms. His coughing brushes her eyelashes as she pulls away to steady herself.

There's still enough adrenaline in her system to dull flares of pain as she _horrificlly_ sits ontop her broken ankle, even her renewed energy and hope can not keep Rey from hissing through clenched teeth.

Concern is written in Ben's eyes; those big, _sad_ , olive brown eyes. Flecked with gold and soft light reflecting in them.

He's reaching for her face tenderly, _ardently_ waiting to brush his fingers against her cheek.

The longing which claws Rey's chest is too much. His intentions too-

She unhitches the lightsaber from her utility belt, smashing the cold hilt of the weapon into Ben's outstretched fingers. He looks taken aback, _stung_ almost, until the dim cottage lighting catches on the silver. It takes Ben another moment before he understands what he's looking at.

His mouth pulls tight in a fine line, he doesn't make any move to take the weapon away from her. Ben's fingers wander over grooves and etches, lingering over where the kyber crystal hides underneath layers of protection.

She wonders _briefly_ if Ben can hear the crystal crying out in agony, it's only when the thought has passed that she chides herself for such a foolish attempt at denial. She should be _past_ that point by now.

Ben knows what a Sith weapon is like.

He's studying the saber intensely, lost in thought, or lost in a memory. Even his breathing halts as he observes the weapon, his lungs remaining still until he's choking on another cough. The silence outside of Ben is deafening, Rey speaks the _moment_ his coughing fit stops.

"This lightsaber belonged to a woman named Qi'ra." Ben's eyebrows furrow at her information, Rey uncomfortably defends her conclusion with. "I've found some of her things, along with a jacket marked with her name." He doesn't say anything, finally, Ben slips the weapon out of her hands and into his own.

He doesn't light the saber, but he _does_ foolishly look down the barrel of both ends. It's almost humorous and makes her think about Han; as well as how stressful it must have been for Leia to deal with such stupid boys.

She shouldn't bring up his mother, Rey knows this but still says "Leia told me about the Sith's _Rule of Two_ , there shouldn't be any concern with Sith Lords breaking down the cabin's door."

"Darksiders aren't as pressed about following legends as you've been led to believe." Ben's mumbling, but something gives him pause after he's spoken.

Ben _looks_ at Rey. One lone hand now reaching for her face with renewed determination. Them moment his large palm cups her cheek Rey leans into the touch, _savoring_ the feeling of him. His thumb is rough but the circles he runs down her cheekbone are so calming.

Ben's eyes are all over her. Drinking in the sight of her. There's something in his eyes that Rey can't face. His look is too soft, he's looking at her like he hasn't already mesmerized her face.

It's too reminiscent of a goodbye.

Her hand falls on top of his, the one still holding onto Qi'ras lightsaber. "Ideally, there would have been two - so that we could both be armed and safe, but _this_ ," Rey squeezes Ben's hand for emphasis, however, her quivering voice leaves something to be desired. "This is more than enough. It will be like fighting with my staff."

Ben's so quiet, had he always been this quiet?

His eyes are red rimmed now. Rey can easily catch the sight of water pooling but not yet spilling. Those plush lips drawn tightly together.

She can't lose herself in the details of him, they have to move forward. If she didn't tell him her plan _now_ then they would lose everything they been working towards. Rey clears her throat before starting. "Depending on where you landed..."

Rey's voice dies on her lips at once.

_Kriff_.

If he hadn't made _any_ attempt at covering or hiding his ship when he landed then the entire thing would be little less than a metallic skeleton by now. Rey couldn't imagine the number of credits that a First Order ship would garnish, no smuggler or scavenger would pass along that sort of opportunity.

Would it be insulting to _ask_ him? Perhaps she should ask, there's a chance it would make him angry enough to chase her away to a rescue ship or _anything_ that would get them off Dandoran.

However, despite her long pause, Ben doesn't seem to have been paying attention. Only listening to her words instead of hearing them. His eyes locked onto her nose, rising to her eyebrows, falling to the slope of her neck.

She'll have to push him if she wants to get him out of this cottage.

With a firmer voice, Rey says "It will take us two days to backtrack; that's if we _don't_ rest."

He still isn't hearing her. Softing mumbling, attempting kindness as he begins tracing her freckles with his finger. "I'm strong enough to walk, but not for that long." Ben's tell her this as though they were uninteresting facts "I'll collapses after a few hours if we're lucky."

Ben's touch remains gentle, soft; but Rey very much feels like she's been slapped. "You'll have me to lean on." Her voice is sharp, low, and cold.

"Your ankle is still broken."

"You can _have_ my staff."

"Rey-"

He's acting like Luke had before he died. All knowing, at peace, so completely and irrevocably _fucking_ infuriating. Ben's attempting to be gentle, to not hurt her; but pain and loss are both old friends of Rey. They were her _only_ friends for so long.

She didn't need to be talked down to like a child. Ben Solo wasn't dying here.

Her response is brutal, ripping Qi'ras lightsaber out of his hand before biting "I'll scout the fucking forest until I find a carriage that isn't broken or I'll fix us up a speeder and drag you out of here if I have to."

Ben's free hand quickly moves to press flat against the curve of her lower back. Sitting upright with a deep breath, leaning towards her.

Rey waits expectantly for his lips to press against her, for mumbled apologies and reassurance; but the hand he has cupping her face moves to tangle in her hair, and soon enough Ben's pulling her into him for an embrace.

Her nose is smushed against his neck and shoulder. He smells like blood and sweat. Still, Ben says nothing. He makes no move to kiss her, only holding her for the pleasure of holding her.

"Please," There's an ache in Rey's chest as she begs, "You can recite poetry and mythology. Ben, you can tell me all about Qi'ra and Sith legends a-and I'll protect us, I'll protect _you_ just, please stop fighting and come with me."

His breathing is harsh, she knows he's working to ease it for both their sakes. Once his breathing has quieted and Rey's pleading has subsided does he finally break his silence. Telling her the cruelest sentence with the gentlest delivery.

"I know I'm going to die, why can't you accept that."

Rey's stomach drops through her body, her heart refuses to beat, yet despite his calm delivery, it's _Ben's_ hands that are shaking. Pulling her closer to him until she's sprawled ontop his lap.

Ben's trembling, Rey can feel through the bond his silent plea for her to not acknowledge it.

He continues, "My body won't become one with the force. My soul is too far gone for any salvation." His hold is crushing Rey into him, yet it isn't enough for either of them. "I'll be gone in a few days, after that," Ben takes a breath, Rey doesn't want him to finish. "I'll be nothing more than stardust."

She knows him so well. Ben's end of the bond is clinging to Rey, desperately holding onto her spirit as he does her physical body. Embracing her while he tries in vain to push her away, falling victim to his own cruelty.

"Move on, Rey." Ben's voice is choked, he's forcing the words out. "I'm not worth mourning."

Yet his hold won't lessen, he's pulled Rey into him to the point that she was perched on his lap with her thighs locked on either side of him. Ben's desperately clutching onto her, her hair and tunic fisted in his hands. His teardrops falling down onto her shoulder, seeping in until it wets her skin.

Rey knows him _so_ well. Understands easily that he wanted to keep her with him for as long as time would allow. Sacrificing himself so that she may live on, but wanting to hold her before she ran.

Rey could sit here for the rest of his life trying to convince him that she wanted him to live, that she needed him to, but it wouldn't make any difference. Ben was walking into his own death by the hand of his self-loathing or the ghost of his former master, Rey didn't know.

But there was _one_ thing that would turn him.

Rey's arms worm their way from between their bodies to wrap around Ben, holding him as his shaking lessons at her touch. She longs to bury her face into the crook of his neck, but Ben _needs_ to hear her words clearly. Rey only wishes she could see his face.

She speaks her confession without remorse.

"I broke my ankle to slow us down."

Ben goes completely still,

and she swallows.

"I had no intention of winning the war once I knew you would come home to me if we lost." Rey doesn't even consider telling him about how she hadn't intended to _actually_ break her ankle or about how she thought of a million other ideas to slow them down, they aren't important right now.

Ben's quiet, sucking in air through his nose, muffling his coughing in the dead silence that sits between Rey's confession. He's yet to pull away from her.

She continues, "I was willing to throw away a planet that was begging for help, that I swore to the Resistance to protect, I would have let the entire Smugglers Basin perish so that I could have you."

Rey hadn't confessed to absolve herself. She wasn't looking for his understanding or forgiveness.

If she could give him enough rage, a _fire_ to hold onto, Ben Solo may survive. Perhaps it was cruel, but then that was what they always turned to when there was nothing left for them.

So she gives him her confession, even if she loses him in the process.

However, Rey knows she isn't mistaken when she feels a _smile_ pressed against the spot on her neck where Ben has buried himself.

He pulls away, moments later so that his lips may find hers. The kiss is a surprise and not the unwelcomed kind. Rey closes her eyes and kisses him back, even though a dark part of her mind suggests that _this_ might be his last farewell.

They both stay like that for a moment, locked together, sharing the taste of copper. - Until Ben pulls away.

He's still smiling, looking at her with awe and wonder.

"You underestimate how much I like a challenge."

An unattractive snort comes from Rey. Given his countless tantrums she's witnessed and the stories from Leia about his childhood Rey serious doubts his claim - but that isn't the kriffing point.

Leaning forward, Rey slants her lips over his with a desperate kiss. Lapping him in up until the moment another cough overtakes Ben, forcing them apart once again. Rey lingers close by, pressing their foreheads together.

His large hands roam up and down her back.

Attempting for a final time, Ben says, "Go, fight for freedom and the light. Take care of, of my mother." A short pause passes, "There's no need for you to die on this planet for me."

Rey's next kiss is more gentle than the last. "I'm not going anywhere." Her words are not as gentle as her kiss.

Ben sucks in his lower lip, remaining silent.

A man born from war, he understands not to argue with an unreasonably stubborn solider. Besides, Rey suscepts that the bond is currently drowning him in the many plans forming in her head. Maybe he wouldn't even need the aide of the bond, there's a reluctant look in his eyes but he voices no protest.

Rey's hand moves to his shoulder, then down to hover over his wound. Where the arrow hit, where the poison entered his body.

Scouts from the collection of madmen and killers from the Mynoke Grotto were skilled enough to craft the poison, they would be the ones to possess a cure for their own deadly brew.

Rey and Ben only needed to wait for their arrival.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> idk i think virgo season is coming up soon??


	22. Chapter 22

💫💫💫

Kylo's strength isn't as far gone as they feared, and as much as he needed to keep Rey in his lap, while he kept himself busy spreading messy kisses along the column on her throat - there were slightly _more_ pressing issues that required their attention.

He helps in the ways he can, coating the dirty windows in dark mud before boarding them up. Rey discovered and brought to his attention an excess of nails in one of Qi'ras toolboxes, Kylo uses the longer ones as makeshift barbed wire. Should be a nice surprise for the person who tries to force their way inside.

Kylo also has the displeasure of shooing away the countless stray felines that have been their _gracious_ hosts. When it's made clear that the pack is content on moving from one corner of the cottage to the other, Kylo resorts to physically picking them up and dropping them on the grass outside. An act which only deters the majority, there are a few elders that demand access to the inside despite his and Reys' chaotic prepping.

Once that becomes too tedious for him to deal with, Kylo makes use of his force energy by clearing the space around them. Pushing chests against the walls and organizing smaller objects.

He even takes a spare moment to look through Qi'ras' belongings, carefully setting aside her clothing that he thinks might fit Rey.

It's _mostly_ clothes, spare jewelry, nonsense notes. Even before he became Kylo Ren, back when he was only Ben Solo, he had a fascination with darksiders and their history. Snoke had been so willing to whisper stories in his ear, stories that the Jedi, that _Skywalker_ wouldn't tell him.

Through everything he learned, all the names he committed to memory: Qi'ra was not apart of that collection.

Kylo considers that Qi'ra might have been her name _before_ her transformation into the darkside, but the name is stitched in her clothing, a jacket branded with her name as well as the Sith insignia.

Darth Qi'ra didn't exist. That much Kylo knew.

The lightsaber that Rey had found, Kylo was _positive_ that it belonged to Darth Maul. The design of it matched Sith records, dating back before his death and impossible resurrection (and final demise as well).

Qi'ra might have been - actually, Kylo wasn't sure. The name sounded so familiar, like a memory he had forgotten.

"I told Joran we see better at night."

Rey's voice rips Kylo from his train of thought, she'd climbed up on the exposed attic above them, clearing the crates of dust and arranging their bedding. After patting the animal skins a final time, Rey carefully lowers herself off the platform.

"I remember." His voice is tighter than he meant it to be, Kylo moves to stand just behind her, taking hold of her hips to make her drop easier on her ankle.

When her hands release from the floorboards they fall to rest over his. "We _don't_."

Kylo keeps his hands on her even as her feet touch the ground, sliding along her figure as Rey turns to face him. Kylo swallows, easing her worry with "They'll save their attack for the morning, given our departure and how long we've stayed put: They'll find us in no time." His eyes manage to look away from her, locking on the boarded up windows, "I'm sure they already have scouts watching us."

Rey shakes her head, "I don't doubt that they'll find us, my concern is for your safety." A constriction squeezes his heart, his cheeks feel ridiculously warm.

His hand are still holding onto her hips, his fingers working in soothing circles. "I've found the perfect position for myself," Kylo explains, turning to nod at the corner opposite the entrance. "I'll be there, with the blaster."

The spot wasn't ideal but it was the best they could do in their situation. Kylo would be mostly shielded by the cobbled fireplace, there was no window behind him, and he would be able to shoot down any horde breaking through the entrance, making Rey's fight easier.

Besides, the dead should pile up nicely, making the Mynok Grottos access to the cottage more difficult as the upcoming battle went.

But Rey doesn't agree. "Absolutely not, I'm not letting you hide there."

Her sharpness stings, but Kylo manages to suppress an outburst of aggression. "I'm _not_ hiding."

"Ben-"

She keeps _calling_ him that - "That spot will allow me _cover_ unless you want me to station myself behind you-"

"If they hold off their attack for another day- or _three days_ you won't be strong enough to fight on the ground floor."

_Shit_ , she was right but still - "I'm not leaving you alone to fight, that's not an option."

Her nose is scrunched up, "It's _not_ an option, Ben, but I won't have you in more danger if it's preventable."

Kylo still keeps his rage suppressed, but his grip on Rey's hips has tightened. "Then _where_ do you suggest I -"

Rey doesn't speak her answer, dramatically using both of her hands to point at the space above them. Kylo looks at her a moment longer before following the direction. His eyes are met with the exposed attic; where Rey had spent the last hour or so clearing and setting up their personal supplies.

The entire layout of the attic was actually only a quarter of the cottage, supported by two struts that had long since needed replacing. The platform was _also_ far too narrow, _Rey_ wouldn't even be able to sit upright without the top of her head brushing the ceiling.

Unless he used his own strength to hoist himself up there, the only way to access the attic was a ladder, held together by twin and sticks. Steps were missing and the bottom clawed to death by the feline residence. She couldn't be serious - and she had been setting up their bedding, making it comfortable - why did he just _now_ understand -

"I'll never fit up there."

" _Ben_." His old name is a warning, one Kylo knows Rey will only give once.

"The entire thing would collapse under my weight." He isn't sure why he's arguing with her, old habit maybe.

Rey pushes him at the center of his chest, rocking them both in their stance. "It can easily support _both_ of us." She defends, "Besides, they'll find the lightsaber too distracting to look anywhere else, giving you the chance to blast them from there."

Kylo runs the scene through his mind, looking for faults in what likely is their best option. On the ground his view would be limited, one crazed killer could change him. Up there, anyone wanting his blood would have to work for it.

Besides, it would give Rey one less thing to worry about while fighting. Kylo thinks about commenting on petty shortcomings; like if the cottage caught fire he wouldn't be able to escape but Rey knows just as well as he does that the Mynok Grotto won't resort to arson. They'd much prefer to kill by their own hand.

Rey was a brilliant soldier and survivalist, Kylo had to give her that. At least, she _was_ when she's not breaking her ankle in place of communicating her feelings.

He hadn't felt betrayed, or perhaps he did and he only buried the feeling. When Rey had relieved what she had done, the only emotion that had found him was, love? That was the only reaction that had made sense.

He had loved her for some time, Kylo had been aware of that each time the force had connected them. Constant reminders of why and how much he loved her shown themselves to him each time his eyes laid their sights on her. Rey's confession had been no exception.

Though it _would_ be best if they both learned how to communicate their feelings properly.

"Alright," His answer rife with his resolve, "but I'd advise you against standing underneath the platform."

💫💫💫

They'd attempted to finish what Kylo hadn't of clearing the area, but it isn't long before another coughing fit shakes his entire body. Rey stands just behind him, patting his back repeatedly to ease some of the pain.

"Come on, Ben." Her voice is a soft whisper, "You need to rest, _you've done enough_."

Oh, but he hasn't. There was an infinite list of things they needed to accomplish if they both wanted to leave this planet in one piece, however, at this point, Kylo knows better than to argue with her.

Still, Kylo Ren doesn't go down without a fight. Once his coughing lessens, He challenges "You need just as much rest as I do."

Her humor sparks through the bond, her fingertips warmer where they touch his sweater. "Climb up to the loft and I'll follow, _after_ I get us some portions."

Rey's still keeping her hand on Kylo as she walks around to face him. Once her figure is in his line of vision Kylo reaches for her waist.

"Go, I'll be right behind you," Rey says. The cottage is dark, light no longer finds them from the windows. The fire has fallen to mere embers. Kylo's hand trails from her waist to caress her hips, moving back to the curve of her ass. Placing a light pinch before parting.

Walking away from her, even a short distance, even _knowing_ that she would eventually follow. It's a surprising pain, Kylo's so tired, he longs for days with Rey that don't involve death lingering in the shadows.

Her eyes follow him as he miraculously makes his way up to their attic. In the bond, he witnesses a reflection of his own affection coming from Rey.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> happy leo season <3 <3 <3 <3


	23. Chapter 23

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The ladder manages to hold steady under their respective weights by some divine mercy. Even the old, dry hardwood boards of the platform only creeks under the combination of their mass; still, they're careful at adjusting themselves and try to keep weight distribution in mind.

The moment Ben appears to be comfortable and content, Rey's all but shoving a whole portion down his throat. He's far too large to fight her in the cramped space, ensuring her success at getting him to eat more than was probably advisable.

She also lets Ben have most of their current supply of freshwater, she wants him taken care of in every way she's able to. Unfortunately, their supplies are low, they'll have to start hunting again if they want to keep eating.

That is, if they're both still alive to see the end of their rations.

What's left of their medical supplies is abysmal, a cruel joke from the universe. As of the other night, they've only their pride and stamina to ease the pain of their injuries. Unluckily enough, they are both suffering from terrible injuries. Her body aches now that she's calmed down. Exhaustion sits on her chest with an ancient power not even the Jedi or Sith could comprehend. Her own arms - as well as her eyelids - seemed too heavy to move.

Rey's fingers weakly wrap around the canteen Ben's handing her when he says, "I'm assuming that the nest you've made here isn't as comfortable as your bed back on the Resistance base."

Her nose scrunches up at him referring to the bed she made for them as a nest, Rey had taken great care in layering the thickest blankets for cushioning, piles upon piles of makeshift pillows to keep Ben's chest upright. She'd placed most of her effort there, doing anything to ease his coughing.

Still, even with all the energy and time that Rey had put in making them a place to sleep, there wasn't enough protection to hide them from the feeling of the hard floor below.

She doesn't have to lie when she answers his question, not that she would have any reason to.

"My bed at the Resistance was my first true bed, one with a mattress I mean." After a moment she adds "They gave me my own room if you can believe it, everyone else sleeps in bunks and they're all together. Yet I'm afforded my own space, but I'm familiar with solitude, so."

Rey finds it almost strange.

She had spent her life on Jakku, it was her home even if it was a horrible one.

The first two days she had ever spent away from her home planet had been filled with individuals dismissing it. From Finn pleading with her to forget Jakku, Maz telling her to stop waiting for a future there, to Skywalkers snide comments and everything present company had said about it.

She missed the lifeless, desert rock. Foolish as that made her. That planet was inseparably tied to her identity. Rey, Jedi from Jakku.

With morbid nostalgia flooding her memories, Rey thinks to share the pleasant ones with Ben.

"You know, back on Jakku, I slept on a hammock. I'd lay on it just so, so my leg would dangle over the side and I could rock myself -" She had made sure to arrange the hammock under the skylight, so she could see the stars. Rey would quietly sing the crude songs she would hear some of the men around Niima outpost chant.

They were all about sleeping with alien women prettier than their wives and having to run away and start a new life. Jakku couldn't promise enough credits for any band or traveling musician to pass through, and though Rey tried for years and _years_ to fix the radio in her AT-AT walker, she'd never managed to find a working station.

Rey's voice remains silent as the memory washes over her. She used to be an expert at soothing herself, maybe the Jedi lifestyle has made her soft. "I miss that little hammock far more than my cot on the Resistance Base." When Rey looks into those soft olive brown eyes of Ben, she finds... "What about you?"

At _that_ Ben makes a face, Rey can see his answer on his lips, but Ben forces his face to relax before giving it.

It's honest, completely irony free. " _This_ bed is certainly less lonely."

Rey's heart flutters in her chest as a blush works its way across her face. The foundation supporting them is so narrow that they're pressed side by side, her thigh burns with the comforting touch of his.

A small cough leaves Ben, but it's nothing like the fits he's been plagued with. It's different, as though Ben could sense where her line of thought was beginning to drift. Rey thinks she can see a blush on the tips of his nose and ear, but knowing their luck Ben very well might just be coming down with the flu.

However, Rey's certain the man is blushing when he slowly places his hand on top of her leg, those thick fingers of his brushing his inner thigh. The memory of this morning plays out for Rey, the phantom feeling of those very fingers tightly gripping her waist and grinding her against him.

She must be projecting, Ben's hand flexes on its hold.

Rey thinks her face must be unattractively red when she asks, "So, there were no...I mean, you didn't have bed companions?" She doesn't know why she finds the question so uncomfortable to ask.

But Ben is sincere, pressing a kiss against her temple. "No." His answer is quiet and reassuring. Unknown jealousy that had been sitting on her chest absolves itself. Rey would have been fine if he _had_ been with others, but it was nice - "Did, did you have any...?" Ben's own jealousy seems to prevent him from finishing his sentence.

"No." Her response is breathless, his fingers move farther up her thigh.

His lips are on her the next moment.

💫💫💫

They stay like that for an eternity. A mess of endless kisses and wandering hands. Rey quite likes kissing Ben, even as all the light leaves the cabin and they are each left with only the memory of the others' appearance.

Rey presses her lips down the length of his nose, over both his eyebrows. Dotting quick pecks over where she thinks his moles and freckles would be. Ben's impossibly large hand moves to cup her breast and oh, Rey hadn't known how pleasurable that could be. He lightly massages the swell of it, brushing his thumb over her tit.

He's long since positioned himself on top of her, Rey spreads her thighs to allow him room. She locks Ben in place with her legs, wrapping them around his waist, keeping his body close enough for her to grind against.

He's getting hard, if she angles her hips just right Rey can grind against his erection. Ben's breathing catches each time she does so. Her body feels like a small fire has spread across her skin, aching for another orgasm.

Rey knows that their dry humping this morning hadn't exactly been received well, but she enjoyed it. Besides, she really needs to come. When Ben begins kissing down the side of her face she considers asking him about how this is going to go and how they should get each other off,

But his lips are intoxicating, moving down the length of her neck, over whats exposed of her collarbone and chest.

Even once his lips are unable to find new skin to kiss, Ben continues to lower himself. Pressing his lips hard against the fabric of her tunic, kissing feverishly between the valley of her breasts.

Ben's hands push up the hem of her shirt, pooling the fabric above her waist and the feeling of his calloused fingers touching the bare skin of her stomach has Rey _moaning_.

"You're so beautiful," Ben whispers before placing kisses along the grooves of her abdomen.

Rey feels like she's being slowly set on fire, and she wants to die like this. He keeps going lower and she needs to touch him. Through the darkness, she reaches for his long hair, curling her fingers in their waves.

Ben continues his way down her body, Rey's head rolls back, allowing herself to just _enjoy_ the pleasure building within her. It's only when his fingers slip under the waistband of her trousers that she suddenly understands where Ben intends his lips to reach.

Her grip on his hair tightens, not enough to cause him any pain but enough to communicate a need for him to stop. Which, thank the stars, he does.

"Ben."

It's not that she doesn't want his mouth down there, just the _thought_ of it has her cunt _throbbing_. Now that her body knows what might occur, her body is _begging_ for it.

But Rey doesn't want Ben to think she expects him to eat her out on the first day they do anything, even if they were soulmates or whatever conclusion they had come to, their relationship was still in an early stage and while Rey was more than will to receive she wasn't entirely certain if she was ready to give. Would that be expected?

Ben was her sole sexual experience, and she had only heard whispers and dirty talk growing up on Jakku. One evening Kaydel had shown her a glimpse at a holovid of a couple in the throes of lovemaking, so while it wasn't that Rey wouldn't understand the concept of it, she just -

"Rey," His voice was calm, understanding. She must have been projecting through the bond again.

She's so embarrassed.

"I don't want to force you to do anything that you aren't ready for, I'm not expecting you to _repay_ for something I _want_ to give to you." Ben's quiet for a moment, "And I _want_ to do this for you, if you'll let me." He doesn't move, Rey knows that he won't until she give him permission.

Her heart was full, that was the only way Rey would describe how she felt. That and the erotic pleasure that has been burning within her was _begging_ her to let Ben have her.

Rey's grip on his hair lessens, she even smooths down the area she had been holding before running her fingers through his dark locks again. "Yes," She says, "Please, Ben, please."

Both of his hands move to the side of her hips, Ben kisses a path along the waistline. Rey lifts herself off the ground to aid him in his task to rid her of her trousers and smalls.

And, he's slow, gentle. The entire cottage is darker than the night sky, yet Ben softly runs his hand down her freshly exposed skin. Kissing the inside of her thighs. Taking such care to touch everything he couldn't see.

His fingers find her cunt first. Ghosting down her slit, collecting her excess arousal. Ben's hand lingers there for a moment before pulling away, the next sound Rey hears is him sucking on his fingers and _Stars_ why does she find that so hot.

Ben places both of his hands on her inner thighs, urging them apart farther. Rey's heart is hammering in her chest, her breath fluttering.

The next thing she feels is Ben's lips pressing against her clit, and Rey sees _stars_.

The feeling is otherworldly, spectacular, _everything_. A shocked moan is pulled straight from her vocal cords as Ben experimentally works another kiss on her clit. White dots dance in her vision, he's barely done _anything_ and it's already so wonderful.

His tongue lightly laps against the tight bundle of nerves, lathering it up with his spit. Moan after moan falls from Rey and, she must be sounding ridiculous or distracting. When Ben begins to circle his tongue around her clit Rey tightly presses her lips together, muffling and suppressing every sound that threatens to escape.

Ben pulls away from her cunt,

"Please," He sounds so desperate, Rey's body is _crying_ from the loss of his touch, "I need to hear you, Rey."

She nods in the dark, parting her lips to release her last steady breath.

His hands slip from her thighs to the curve of her ass, lifting her just off the ground to provide him a new access. Ben's tongue flows down her cunt, lapping at the arousal pooling outside her entrance and lavishing her clit with it.

Ben moans at her taste, "You taste so good, Rey." He's so vocal, thank the force he was so vocal. "Thank you, _thank you_."

His tongue repeats the action, before honing in on her clit again. His pillowy lips working and _sucking_ on it, Rey's hips buck against his mouth. Chasing the sensation, needing more of it.

Ben's hands squeeze her flesh, and at the behest of her insistence, he buries his face in her sex. Allowing her to grind her cunt against his face. There is lust simmering in her veins, Rey's aware of the fact that her moaning keeps getting louder, actually, at this point, she might as well be screaming.

Ben's nose brushes against her clit while his tongue lightly teases her entrance, never dipping inside, but stimulating her enough to make her nearly beg.

His kisses return to her clit, becoming harder, and more frequent. She's crying out his name, repeating it over and over as though it will be the last thing she ever says. Rey feels like she's been lifted out of her own body, with only Ben's tongue tieing her to reality.

Rey can't even warn Ben about her climax, her orgasm shakes her entire body. Vibrating her flesh, blinding her with flashing lights. Her cunt is still throbbing and Ben keeps lapping and rolling his tongue against her clit. Stimulating her until the pulsing cease and her legs stop shaking.

Ben stays there, between her legs even once Rey is safely back inside her own body. One of his hands rests on top of her stomach, tracing over her muscles and belly button. Ben is leaving kisses along the outside of her sex, lazy and soft, as the while his other hand moves down the length of her leg.

That hand releases her once it approaches her ankle, the one she had broken on purpose to keep Ben by her side.

His hand is hovering over the fracture, and Ben places another kiss on her clit.

A warm, white heat begins to flood her body. The feeling was bright, and safe, washing over Rey in waves like a second orgasm. She's calling out his name again, there's no descent to this new sensation. Once the crescendo is met, it abruptly stops.

The pain in her ankle is gone. Rey doesn't have to move it to know that the bone has been healed. Ben slumps on top of her, mumbling something she can not hear into her skin.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> pretty sure it's still leo season :)


	24. Chapter 24

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She rises before dawn.

Removing herself from Ben's embrace may be the most heartbreaking thing that Rey has ever done.

The afterglow of her orgasm had stayed with Rey even after Ben had collapsed onto of her. He had been so weak from having healed her ankle with what little strength he still possessed. The deadweight of him on top of her had Rey's heart hammering with fear.

She kept repeating his name, but he wouldn't answer. Rey had sat up with great urgency, reaching for Ben, caressing his face, asking him if he was alright.

Ben had only kept mumbling, pressing small kisses on her fingers. There had been only a few moments separating his touches of affection and him blacking out. Rey blindly grasped for him, finding her leverage and dragging him back onto their makeshift bed.

Rey had been brushing his hair away from his face, touching her fingers to his plush lips until she felt his breath brush against them. _He was alive_ , Ben Solo was alive.

He had allowed light energy to pass through him and he had healed her.

But Rey uncovered no peace, no ease in his action.

His breathing was so shallow, his skin cold to the touch. Rey kept running her fingers down his cheek, waiting for him to wake up. She had pressed kiss after kiss onto him, pleading _come back to me_.

It had taken her so long to fall asleep, she hadn't wanted to. Rey wanted to watch over him, to be awake when he was; but curling up to his side, listening to his heartbeat and breathing, holding onto him.

A somber sleep had graced her.

And when she woke up, Ben's arms had wrapped around her. His energy in the force only slightly stronger than it had been before, his breathing remained just as horrid, and his skin, the touch of his skin had turned to ice.

Rey wrapped herself tighter around him and found his entire body drenched with sweat.

💫💫💫

Thanks to Ben, All of Rey's strength had been rejuvenated, she had felt better than she had in days; but now, they were out of time. He was dying. Ben was dying because he used all of his strength to heal her.

If she didn't find the cure to the poison before the next nightfall -

Rey drowns herself in the energy of Dandoran. The Mynok Grotto Killers had the cure, and Rey would charge every scouting regimen, every camp, and every settlement. She would hunt them down, slaughter anyone she had to, and save Ben -

But, by some gift of the force, Rey discovers that she's no need to leave the safety of their cottage. Just four miles away from where she and Ben laid together, an army of two hundred men and women marched towards their direction.

💫💫💫

Rey slips from his embrace, Ben whines at her loss. When her feet reach the ground, Rey can hear him moving slightly on the platform above her. Reaching for her in the dark, trying to find her though she was no longer there.

She can't even afford to dwell on the heartbreak that brings her.

The first thing Rey does is light the fireplace, forcing the sanctuary that they had found in the dark to retreat into the shadows. Once the fire burns bright enough, Rey heads outside to reach the stream.

She brings a handful of the water to her lips, washing out her mouth while she refills their canteen. Setting the container to the side, Rey takes a handful of her tunic and rips the fabric at the hem. Dipping the makeshift rag in the water, Rey quickly washes her arms and chest.

Ridding herself of as much sweat and dirt as she can.

She isn't clean, at least she doesn't feel clean _enough_ when she feels Ben truly awake, yet Rey doesn't hesitate to drop the damp cloth and go back to him.

However, they can't talk, not yet, not when there was still so much for her to do; but she could simply _be_ with him. Just in the same room.

When she reenters the cabin, Rey _strides_ through the door, she had forgotten how easy walking was, Ben's olive brown eyes watching her. His features awestruck and inspired, but Rey can't linger in his desire.

She finds the small collection of Qi'ras clothing that Ben had set aside for her. Rey strips herself bare, Ben's watchful gaze keeping her warmer than the fire blazing behind her.

Rey wears a dark burgundy pullover, gold embroidered stars that wrap around the short sleeves, the tunic displays a deep cut spanning an inch width that extends from her clavicle to the bottom of her ribcage, the top of the exposure was only secured by a thick golden tread. The center of her breastband was displayed which Rey wasn't fond of but given her limited option of clean clothing, she didn't have the ground room to complain.

The leggings that Ben had picked out where made from a cheaper material that caught and snugged against her fingernails. They were heavily padded, not enough to protect her from a blaster or a knife but enough to lighten any bruises she may acquire from the upcoming battle. The leggings were also, far tighter than Rey had thought they would be and only finds relief when she's able to move without ripping the fabric from the seams.

The last of Qi'ras clothing Rey chooses is the other woman's jacket, falling down low on her hips. Rey isn't sure if she had been expecting a wave of dark energy to wash over her once the fabric sat on her shoulders, but she certainly wasn't expecting to find the jacket so incredibly _comfortable_. If it weren't for the Sith insignia on the back, Rey might continue wearing it permanently.

💫💫💫

The army of killers is only two miles away now.

Rey climbs back up to the attic, to _Ben_.

His blaster is by his side, ready to attack.

Dark purple bags hang under his eyes, Rey tries not to look at them.

They should be stratigizing, _planning_ ,

But they only eat their portions in silence.

💫💫💫

"Rey,"

"I know."

💫💫💫

They're only a mile away now. Rey leaves Ben with a kiss that feels too much like a goodbye. With Qi'ras lightsaber in hand, Rey sits herself against the back wall, and waits for their arrival.


	25. Chapter 25

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During a hot summer day on Jakku when Rey was no older than six years old, she had been sat next to an older woman. Sitting at a table covered in sand and despair, a place that would be as familiar as the back of her hand, the two of them say silently while they cleaned the scrap they had collected that day. Silence was quite literally the unspoken rule of the setting which is why Rey was surprised when the older woman had asked her questions she couldn't understand. Rey could only mumble and stare at her in response.

All of the woman's questions would have been easily answered by any other six year old in the galaxy, but Rey and the other children of Jakku weren't so fortunate. Rey herself was lucky to have been able to eat once every other day, that was the way of things. Plutt kept everyone starving just enough so that no one would ever acquire the strength to challenge him.

The woman didn't mock Rey's lack of knowledge, after a moment of personal deliberation, she calmly explained some of the things that Rey didn't understand. Simple information such as mathematics and history, quick vocab lessons or need to know alien phrases.

It wasn't a true education by any means, just a quick conversation to pass time. There were also days where the older woman would stay longer than she should, telling Rey stories of the Battle of Yavin with such expletives that Rey felt emboldened enough to call her a liar.

The woman only laughed and continued on with her story. It had been nice. At night when she would fall asleep behind Plutts business, back before when she had been too young to wander far from the outpost, Rey imagined the woman searching her out. Playing pretend that she would take her in until Rey's parents returned.

However, the woman was dead of malnutrition before Rey had turned seven.

There were other scavengers that were willing to chat with her, the people of Jakku were not the friendly sort but if Rey sought conversation or asked the right questions she would find someone to talk to.

But as she grew older, and competition for Plutts attention - and portions - grew, even talking to others felt too dangerous at times.

So, Rey took care of her own education. When she made her home in her AT-AT Walker, she used the console's computer to teach herself everything she could. To her surprise, Rey was an exceptional student. She had a knack for languages along with an impressive memory. Her only fault was her skepticism of historical battles and the myths of old.

They all sounded too fabricated for her liking. Too similar to a children's bedtime story that she had been deprived of. There were always wars, but Rey was never part of any battle. She only lived in their graveyard. Now, fighting and defense, _that_ , Rey was familiar with. Her staff saved her countless times from desert creatures and wandering hands that belonged to disgusting men from Niima Outpost.

There were no grand battles, only dirty fighting that resulted in broken knuckles and bloody noses.

💫💫💫

But then one day she heard a lost droid call out for help. 

BB-8 shared with her anecdotal, heavily censored, accounts of the missions and battles it had been apart of. All of which Rey listened to with a light smile and a knowing look. Even if they weren't real, she was happy to add the droids stories to her ever growing collection of spoken word mythology.

Then Finn had entered her life, bringing in his wake all of the stories she had claimed too grand to hold any truth. Hours after living in the sidelines of an adventure she had been an unwilling participant of, Rey had been thrown into the center of the Skywalker narrative.

She has remained there ever since.

The battles of the intergalactic war she's taken part of were nothing short of sensational. The bloodcurdling fright of an enemy chasing you or catching you off guard along with the burning energy that builds your body up from strength and power. Yes, there is victory and triumph in war just as there was rage, sorrow, and horror.

Watching countless soldiers retreating from a fight, stepping over the corpses of their allies. Returning to celebrate a conquest with comrades while forgetting to have washed the blood off your skin.

Rey was good at it, she wasn't the ideal Jedi Knight, but she was a good enough solider. Everything about war that Rey had found difficult at first faded with time. She had never had trouble with becoming desensitized by trauma, Rey was good at that as well.

Becoming numb and ignoring what hurts, living for today only. She wasn't afraid of what's coming. Rey's power belonged to her alone, the force had chosen her and she would not fail. 

💫💫💫

Shadows creep at the entrance of their cottage, Rey knows that Dandorans civil wars ends today.

💫💫💫

A grenade clip being disengaged is the first sound of the battle. 

The hand of a coward throws the smoke bomb inside, thick clouds of black fog following the container. Rey ignites the twin crimson blades of her saber. Twirling it before her as blaster bolts are shot in rapid fire towards her. Through the smoke, Rey can not tell if any of the ammunition she sent back towards the entrance strikes any of the killers.

She sees movement through the smoke, Rey steps aside from her position, twisting the duel edged saber above her head before slashing the area around her. One of the red beams burns white as a man's chest is burnt open. 

Once her saber has pulled away, Rey spins it back in that direction, catching more soldiers unprepared for her attack. Quick rapid motions follow Rey as she dodges the weapons of others. 

Physically kicking back a woman that charges her on her right side. Rey steps forward, her heel slipping on the arm of a fallen man. Her attackers are stumbling in the battle as well, the black fog has made it nearly impossible to distinguish where corpses have fallen.

The sound of glass breaking precedes a warrior getting the better of Rey. Kicking down on her calf as she slashes a knife. The blade cuts the fabric of her jacket like butter, Rey's skin burns as the knife sinks in.

Using a strong burst of the force, Rey knocks back everyone within three feet of her. She's too close to the far right wall, her energy shatters two of the cabin's windows, flooding the room with light and oxygen.

The light is fleeting, however, as the killers are quick to enter through them. Not even bothered by the barbed wire.

As the black smoke is beginning to clear, Rey is pushed towards the center of the cottage, quickly being surrounded by her attackers. The floor is slowly being littered with bodies, some not truly dead as they use the last of their strength to grab her ankles.

Rey rapidly slashes at the corpses, chopping off limbs and decapitating one man. Someone behind her uses their opportunity to grab her hair, yanking her head back but before either of them can move to attack the killer is shot dead from above. 

His hold on her hair remains a few moments longer as his body slumps to the ground. Rey yanks herself from his grasp, spinning in place, slashing down everyone else too close to her.

Now more aware of Ben's presence from where he's perched, Rey notes that he has kept his word on guarding any entry points. One of the windows that had been shattered was once again inaccessible by a corpse slumped over the sill. 

There was a small pile of bodies outside the cottage, the killers were climbing over them to get inside.

Rey's distraction continues as a familiar presence in the force enters the scene, he's just to the far left of her carrying with him a powerful weapon. Though the smoke has cleared enough for her to see Rey doesn't turn to him yet. 

She's burying her saber in a man's chest when the familiar presence refuses to be ignored anymore.

Jorans voice still retains all sense of friendliness as he calls out "Remember me, bitch."

The man was a bigger fool than she and Ben could have hoped. Jorans look of victory glows in the force as he throws an old lightsaber at her, Rey keeps her eyes directly on him as she calls the weapon into her hand. An acidic green light clashes with the red glow of Qi'ras saber. 

Rey never once looks away from Joran until he witnesses her cut down a man with the weapon he had gifted her.

Unfortunately, her power move had been reckless. Blaster bolts shoot from above as Ben knocks down countless enemies who were swarming her. Rey only attempts to fight with two weapons for a moment before prioritizing Qi'ras' saber.

Another mistake, as Joran dives forward. Wrestling the green lightsaber out of her hold. Both of his hands grasp the hilt, he raises it in the air to strike her down but Rey tunes into the energy of that lightsabers kyber crystal.

When Joran slashes it through the air the acidic beam sheaths itself on her will.

Rey kicks him high on his chest, knocking him to the ground. Rey turns her attention back to the hoard as one by one, men and women drop dead for her and Ben's collective attack.

It's harder now for them to enter, the ground near impossible to walk on. There are even those outside hesitant to come in, but the battle isn't over.

As Rey strikes down another killer, green light fills the space behind her. Jorans scream announces his attack. 

She pivots and strikes, gaining the upper ground with her strength alone. The opposing colors of their sabers clashing as Rey pushes against his weapon.

Joran doesn't budge, next to her, Ben shoots down a charging woman. Through their crossed light, a sick smile spreads across Jorans face. "Is that your husband up there?" 

Blind rage burns through Rey as she calls another blast from the force, sending the man flying back. Joran crawls on top his fallen men as he returns to his feet, reaching for the green lightsaber. 

He's still smiling, and against her better judgment, Rey charges him.

"Tell me," Joran says as he scarcely dodges her attack, "Is our Jedi boy doing okay?" His taunt has Rey screaming with her next strike.

The man keeps running, both of them tripping over the dead in their endless pursuit, but the entire cabin isn't completely lost to the departed. Joran finds steady ground first, using it to his advantage as he turns to swing his lightsaber at Rey.

Her left foot slips under a dead woman's neck as she brings up her duel edge saber for protection. Granting Joran the upper hand as she struggles against his advantage.

"You know, _Rey_." Joran continues smiling, "I had almost told them to aim for you, but then I thought that your husband would be easier to hit."

The world turns red.

The only thing Rey can see is the light of her saber and her target.

She disengages her lightsaber, ducking under Jorans arms to get around him. Once she's face with his rear, Rey kicks in on the back of his knee. Forcing the man onto the ground. His hold on his green saber is again lost.

With a flick of her wrist, Rey has the weapon soaring across the room. Joran twists himself to pull on Rey's caf but she steps away from his reach. The light of Qi'ras' saber once again fills the cottage as she swings it close enough for Jorans' face to burn from its heat. 

Rey is only vaguely aware of Ben shooting down stragglers. He isn't firing as often. Rey doesn't even know how many she's slain today, nor does she know how many are left to be slain. There is only one life Rey wants to take.

Joran scrambles to his feet, backing into the wall behind him. Rey paces towards him, both of her hands held tightly to her saber which cages him. 

Another body drops dead from Ben's blaster. While she can still feel a scattering of individuals in the distance, Rey knows that only the three of them remain inside.

But she must remember that others linger, even though victory is near.

Unaware of his impending death, the coward screams "Shoot her now!" at an ally outside the cottage.

With Jorans warning, Rey steps aside, feeling the rush of a poisoned arrow whisk past her cheek before it's buried in Jorans shoulder.

Just like Ben.

As Joran stumbles to the ground, Rey turns, allowing a darker energy to flow through her as she turns her attention to the archer outside. Using the force to drag the man into the cottage, tossing him in the air and listening to his bones crack when he lands.

Joran is now crawling across the dead, reaching into pockets, searching for his salvation. Rey watches him as a predator, stalking his movements until the desperate man finds what they are _both_ looking for.

When the cure for the poison is in his hands, Rey brings her saber down upon him. Chopping off his arm at his shoulder.

Joran is screaming as Rey then slices her weapon across the length of his back. 

She hadn't been aggressive enough, he's crying out for another moment before a blaster bolt is sent through his skull. Joran is the last of the Mynok Grotto killers to die, Rey can feel those left retreating back into the forest.

💫💫💫

Layers of sweat stick to her skin, so much so that Rey fears the antidote will slip through her fingers before she reaches Ben, yet Rey climbs up to him with such ease she thinks that she's being lifted to him by an invisible phantom.

Crawling on the platform, there is a pause they can't afford. Ben looks just as stricken by her appearance as Rey is of his. His skin is so white she can see blue, his lips are purple. 

Weak hands are reaching for her as Rey uncaps the cure, going as far as to bring the antidote to his lips for him.

Ben sucks down every drop from the bottle, wincing as he swallows it. He wears a deeply pained expression that flares and burns in the bond. 

She sits on the verge of heartbreak. Rey holds onto his face, watching him even as seconds turn into minutes. 

💫💫💫

Eventually, after hours have passed, just before Rey's body gives out from exhaustion, 

Ben gives her a lopsided grin that reveals slightly crooked teeth.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> pretty sure it's still leo season :( :( i hate writing action scenes and fights


	26. Chapter 26

💫💫💫

She's wrapped in a feeling close to floating, there is an astounding lightness to her body despite the anchor of gravity. Rey thinks that if there was not a roof to their cottage, she might have ascended past the lilac clouds and joined the stars; and though she knows it to be impossible, Rey can feel the rotation of the planet. Spiraling through space, dancing around the sun.

She wants to ask Ben if he feels it too, if the sensation is as soothing to him as it is to her. His breathing is deep with the comfort of slumber. Ben's energy and presence in the force has softened, but his essence in their bond remains strong. If she reaches out to him, Rey can feel peace flowing through him.

Her hands have slipped from his face, one now clings to his neck while the other rests under her own cheek. With her hand laying on him, Rey can feel Ben's heartbeat. Strong, steady, an echo of her own.

Conscienceness continues to greet and dismiss her, caught somewhere between worlds. Rey stays next to Ben; and waits for the next thing.

💫💫💫

There exists a stiffness in her neck that Rey fears will kill her if she twists her head too far in either direction. Her limbs are numb save for the pain and bruises she can feel forming under her skin. Qi'ra's clothes are damp with her sweat, clinging to her skin so tightly that Rey knows she'll have to eventually cut herself out of her leggings.

Under her arm, Rey's aware the outline of the duel edged lightsaber. Her jacket protects her from the cold hilt, but from the pressure, Rey knows that there'll still be an imprint left on her skin until her blood started flowing again. 

She should wake up, rise from her rest. There are voices of Generals and Jedi Knights that scold her indulgence, behind them stands a quieter voice of a Scavenger hungry for her next meal. She's put off the waking world long enough.

💫💫💫

Rey wasn't sure how long the fight had lasted, the rush of battle and swarms of soldiers exists in a sperate time. It all blurs together until it ends. She knows that she hadn't fallen asleep until she'd seen Ben smile. Rey _had_ to know that he was safe.

After that, Rey couldn't say how long she had spent curled up next to Ben. The sky had gone dark, moonlight, and a scattering of stars peering in on them from broken windows, but by the time she wakes the sky is pink again, and the warmth of dawn is greeting her. 

And despite her victory, despite Ben's health, Rey's body whines at her every movement, her stomach is growling while light nausea sits high on her chest. Pain and exhaustion still linger, though Rey tries to ignore them.

Rey occupies her thoughts with relief. Ben's face wasn't as pale as it had been last night, the color was returning to him and he hasn't had a coughing fit since nightfall though the lone wheeze still existed. It was quiet, almost. The cottage possessed its own creeks and the wind moved in whispers from the windows.

Their joined breathing was becoming heavier as they woke up, not to mention the squawking of large birds and the chirping of smaller ones that sang for them in the distance.

The sound reminds Rey of the endless porgs that had snuck their way onto the _falcon_ from Ahch-To. The species now reside on every Resistance Base, completely invasive and a threat to all ecosystems. 

Poe _detested_ them, often outright refusing to visit Rey at times to avoid the porgs she had let reside in her personal room. Thankfully, Finn and Rose shared her sentiments, but Finn saved face to stay in Poes good graces though he hadn't needed to. Everyone in the Resistance knew that nothing in the galaxy could stop Poe from loving Finn. 

She hopes that Rose has kept an eye on them, the porgs that is. Rey has a tendency to leave her windows open. A soft smile spreads across her face as Rey thinks about how small even a fat porg would look in Ben's hands. She'd have to take him to Ahch-To or try her luck transporting one of the creatures through the bond.

Ben was so _warm_ next to her, perfect and safe. Her own personal heater that would hold her for as long as she wanted. The muscles on his chest weren't as taut as she thought they would be, they were soft and nice to rest her head upon. Rey was _unimaginably_ comfortable, even with the hardwood floor pressing into her bones.

As much as it would kill her, Rey would have to let him go soon. They needed to eat, clean his wound, there was also the matter of Rey's _own_ injuries, but most likely those options would have to wait until they left the cottage. Countless corpses still litter the floor, a foul smell is taking over the area, rot, and decay.

Still, that smell doesn't prevent her stomach from growling again. Burying her face into the crook of Ben's neck, Rey knows full well that their time together on Dandoran was coming to an end. They would have to start making their way back to their respective homes soon.

But despite her loyalty, despite her hunger, and the surrounding dead: Rey refuses to move. Staying where she was for a while longer.

Ben rolls more to his side, pulling Rey closer against him. His arms wrap around her waist, there is a soft press of his lips on her forehead. Her fingers cling to his sweater, keeping him with her. Rey could stay in his arms forever, she really could.

Rey could stay by his side forever.


	27. Chapter 27

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Snoke had once called the stench of death a delicacy, one that Ben had never acquired.

He was no stranger to rot and decay, he was no stranger to death. Countless lives had been taken by a lightsaber that has since been lost from him, yet even with his hands free of his weapon he is still coated with the blood of every intentional and accidental killing.

After he watched Rey close the _falcons_ doors on him on Crait, he was willing to throw out the remainder of light that stained his soul. To close himself off from all that continued to plague him and embrace his ascension to the Throne of Supreme Leader.

But then she continued to appear before him time and time again. Tethering him to a path he was ready to throw away, just as Rey was tied to a path she had rejected. When he had laid down his lightsaber in favor of signing papers as a new leader, slaughtering countless lives with only his signature, Rey had crafted her own lightsaber and fought back against the First Order. Laying down the lives of Stormtroopers and raiders alike.

And so they went for three months, both refusing to save themselves or the other, both holding onto the impossible hope that the other would act first. Both refusing to meet each other halfway. Both refusing to _find_ another way.

Even when the physical distance between them was only centimeters, they each turned to memorized apologies and broken ankles. 

But those things hadn't been what brought them together, even calling them incentives would be generous.

Opening up to Rey about little details of his life was a healing balm that he hadn't known he needed. Learning about her life, everything she had been willing to share with him. Rey had mended his spiritual wounds with her curved smile and warm humor.

These last few days with Rey on Dandoran were just like those seconds he had spent with her in _that_ connection, where they had touched hands. The feral scavenger girl who spiraled him into a hopeless crush was the same girl he had fallen in love with only two and a half days later.

And he's been falling ever since, he doesn't think he'll ever stop falling.

💫💫💫

Ben's wary eyes open to a dying sun, light enters inside the cottage in such a way that he's reminded of how light reflects on the surface when underwater. The sensation is dreamy, Ben's entire body is so comfortably warm.

Every breath he takes in feels like his first, like he's a man reborn from his liquified salvation. Corpses still litter the area, tainting the air he breathes but Ben refuses to move.

Rey's pressed so tightly into his side, her fingers holding onto his neck. Ben's entire sweater is damp with sweat but he knows he's not mistaken by the small collection of drool on his chest from where Rey's head is laid.

Rey's breathing is quiet and rhythmic, so soft and still. She's wrapped entirely in his embrace, her leg hitched over his hips. 

Ben places a gentle kiss into her hairline and the action sends a spark running through Rey's body. 

She's on him in an instant, her smile blurred in the motions as Rey pushes Ben to roll onto his back. Rey spreads frenzied kisses across his face, he can feel her lips pressing on top of his freckles and beauty marks.

Rey slides herself to straddle Ben, rocking her hips forward as she claims his lips in a euphoric kiss. 

His lips part in surprise but Ben kisses Rey back with the same intensity. Working his mouth against her, breathing in the same air. Her moans are just as quick and delightful as her kisses, Rey rocks her hips against his again and - oh, she is absolutely _gyrating_ back and forth.

A kindling fire inside of Ben burns brighter, his hands slowly slide from her waist to the curve of her ass, holding onto Rey as she grinds into him. She's whispering something against his lips, repeating it a few times until Ben can understand her.

Rey never stops kissing him as she asks in hushed whispers. "Are you hungry?"

And _oh_ how the heat inside of him burns to a supernova as the memory of the other night floods him. Ben thinks that the exquisite taste of her is still on his tongue and he was _dying_ for more, desperate like a man on the verge of dehydration.

His hold on her ass dips farther south, Ben can hear his blood rushing towards his building erection. "Famished." His voice is deeper yet softer than he ever imagined it could be. Ben goes to Rey for a passionate kiss, running his tongue along her lower lip, requesting access to her mouth.

Rey just as soon pulls away, pressing a hard kiss on his cheek.

He can feel her smile against his skin, "I'll be the one to catch us something this time, but I kindly suggest that you get out of this cottage and make us a fire."

She's climbing off his lap even as his confused expression lingers. Ben watches Rey until she's stepping over a pile of dead men to exit the cabin. After that, he takes a _hard_ breath and bids his body to cool in the _easiest_ way possible.

💫💫💫

His body accepts his situation sooner than Ben thought it would.

A different sort of exhaustion followed him, but he was stronger than he'd been before he was poisoned. Not that Ben thought he could prove his strength without hurting himself at the moment, but he _felt_ strong.

Ben climbs down from the attic, bringing with him all of the blankets, animal skins, and makeshift pillows he could pile over his shoulders. He's slow about it, taking his time but Ben only considers that his weight could risk breaking the ladder from excessive rests.

He would have to collect other things from the platform. There's still what's left of their portions and medical supplies, but as the thought crosses his mind the last step of the ladder snaps.

He'll have to ask Rey to retrieve them once she returns.

💫💫💫

A cool breeze greets Ben the moment he steps outside, the air was so fresh and forgiving against his skin. It's Dandorans afternoon that had been waiting for him, not night as he expected. 

Heavy lilac clouds cover the sky without the promise of rain though the feeling of it exists. Ben allows himself a moment to simply _be_.

💫💫💫

Ben crafts a modest fire, once he's content with the hight of the flames Ben begins setting up their bedding. Afterwards, Ben extends a silent prayer to every star in the galaxy that Rey will return to him, and that they'll eat and lay in the arms of the other until the end of time.

Most of his prayer involves his longing to kiss her face once again, to feel her bare skin, to have her move under him.

And if whichever star in the galaxy chooses to only allow Ben until morning to hold her, he would accept wholeheartedly.

💫💫💫

When Rey does return, she does so with two fat rabbits.

💫💫💫

They eat, pressed side by side, so close yet not close enough. When Rey's done chewing, when she sets the water canteen in her lap, she rests her head against his shoulder. Mumbling about a desire to clean his wound.

Yet she makes no move to leave him. As Ben lowers his hand Rey seeks it out, lacing their fingers together. The temperature grows colder, but they keep each other warm next to the fire. It's easier for him to breathe now, the smell of food and firewood fresh in the air.

Rey curls more into him, their bond holding them together in the softest of embraces. Ben thinks he could be in this moment forever. He really could.

Ben could be by her side forever.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> it's leo season and we're so close to the end <3 <3 <3


	28. Chapter 28

💫💫💫

Her legs are draped across his lap, Ben hands wander on their own accord to rest ontop her plush thighs. He can feel her warmth even through the layers of clothing separating them. Rey's looking at him with light in her eyes.

Her smile stops his heart, Rey's nose crinkles as her smile _widens_ , bringing his attention to her freckles. Ben could spend hours admiring them, Rey was a work of art all her herself, so beautifully made. The sunlight that escapes from heavy clouds has brought out even more of her lovely beauty marks.

Rey asks him questions about astrology and mythology. She wants to hear epic stories that hold only truth in literature, Ben really doesn't think that he could entertain her with such topics as much as Rey claims he could; however, before long Ben finds himself rambling on about the constellations that can only bee seen from the northern hemisphere of Naboo.

In turn, Rey describes how the stars of Jakku looked, how they changed with the rotation of the planet. Towards the end of her description, Rey even uses her finger to illustrate their image for Ben with drawings in the soil.

When their talk of charting stars ends, Ben doesn't share with Rey any legends of The Sith or Jedi. He suspects that they've both had enough of those stories. Instead, Ben recites ballads and spiritology.

In between his facets, Rey shares with him the myths of Jakku that she fancied. Tales of ancient monsters that once terrorized the planet before laying to rest, their bodies becoming the mountain ranges and caverns. She spoke of women who lay beneath the desert, only crawling out to steal the lives of any who were happier than they.

Neither Ben nor Rey could stop smiling as they continued talking all the while the sky turned orange and pink. There was an underlying urge to eat and rest again, both of which Ben was more than willing to ignore.

But before he can vocalize such a thought, Rey's holding his face still, kissing his dimples repeatedly. 

"I'll be right back, promise." With a smile, Rey nuzzles her nose into his cheek. Ben reaches for her hips, ready to pull her into his lap. His lips drag across her cheekbone, ready to do anything to keep her with him.

Rey just as soon slips out of his grasp, promising him food once she returns.

💫💫💫

Ben insists on cooking which Rey decides to argue with him over while they take an equal share on preparing their meal.

Afterwards, they are both victims of the call of sleep. They lay together under the night sky, there are just enough cracks in the clouds for them to catch glimpses of stars that were slowly becoming familiar. When Rey lazily raises an arm to point out the brightest star she finds, Ben holds her tighter against his chest.

💫💫💫

He knows that they should have left sooner, they each had generals waiting for them and an intergalactic war to continue. He doesn't even know how long they've been on Dandoran now, all of the days have blurred together. 

For all they knew, the Resistance might have sent someone to find Rey. It wouldn't be ideal for one of her friends to stumble upon her curled in the arms of their sworn enemy; but then again, Ben left the First Order without so much as a word. Hux could have staged a coup and placed a seventy million credit bounty on him.

Ben knows that he and Rey have no right to be idling, they've accomplished their mission and there was something larger than themselves at stake if they didn't prioritize their return. 

But Ben selfishly thinks that the galaxy can wait.

💫💫💫

Dandorans cold front continues as the morning sun evades them yet again. Rey doesn't seem particularly bothered considering that Ben wakes up to her trying to shove a portion down his throat.

She's been extremely assertive about feeding him, and while he's been caught off guard, Ben knows that he should be touched by her caring about him. He knows what she went through on Jakku, all of that time spent malnourished. Rey cared about him and wanted him healthy.

💫💫💫

  
Once he's finished eating, Ben returns her kind gesture by unraveling her braids slowly. Taking his time to run his fingers through her hair, untangling every curl and wave, he doesn't have the luxury of expensive supplies to craft an elaborate style but he'll greedily take whatever he can get.

Ben brings Rey's hair off her neck and shoulders, he makes twin buns in a loose braid which he secures at the base of her skull. After that, Ben distracts himself by pressing soft kisses behind her hear, trailing lower. Rey immediately tilts her head to allow him better access.

💫💫💫

Only several minutes span from then and now. Ben isn't sure if this is lust or loneliness or some horrific combination of the two but before long Rey's straddling his lap again, rocking herself frantically back and forth.

Ben's drowning in the sensation of her, his arms wrapped around her waist while against her lips he chokes on her name. Rey's smiling against his mouth, the air of her laugh brushing his skin as she refuses to cease their rutting.

Ben repeats her name in a desperate prayer, one Rey denies with a hushed "Please, I'm ready." _I want you, I want you, I want you_ are the words she leaves unsaid, but Ben can hear them clearly in their bond.

Her telepathic begging does not go unnoticed by his cock, already hard and twitching inside his trousers. Rey _delights_ in the feel of his erection, making damn sure to focus the majority of her grinding on it.

Pushing his humiliation aside and with his voice very much sounding like a dying man, Ben tells her, "I _really_ need our first time to be special."

She's circling her hips, searching out a new friction. Ben's hold on her waist tightens in a fool's attempt to keep her still. Rey tears them away, making quick work of placing his hands over her breasts and Ben is a _weak_ man who relishes in the feeling of them in his palms. 

Rey's mouth is hovering over his, a sinister smile on her lips as she asks, "You've thought a lot about our first time." He _has_ but Rey's kissing him and all Ben can do is fucking _nod_ his confirmation. "Tell me," She whispers when she breaks their kiss, her request echoing in the bond.

Ben has cultivated _many_ fantasies involving Rey, all of which were increasingly difficult to recall when she kept grinding against his clothed cock. Somehow, he manages to recite details he hopes that she'll find nice.

"There'll be flower petals, scented candles, and a _bed_ , maybe windows with a nice view of a lake or ocean."

On the beaches of Naboo, in a skyscraper on Courscant, next to the last ocean of Jakku. In Stardestoryers and Rebel bases. Ben's thought about being with Rey in every forsaken corner of the galaxy.

However, there's something about what he has told her that makes her rocking intensify, that has her kissing become more desperate. "Kriff, you'd make it special for me wouldn't you." Maker, she was getting _off_ on -

His cock is hard and _throbbing_ in time with the thrust of Rey's hips, she was going to _kill_ him. Part of him always knew that he would die by her hand but he hadn't known it would be so exquisite. With the last of his control slipping, Ben manages one final, "Rey, I want it to be special."

"We can wait but I _need_ you, I need to-" Ben watched as her orgasm began to swim up behind her, her lips were parted, her face flushed.

He can feel her hardened nipples through her tunic, Ben removes one of his hands from her breast to slip under the material, palming her through the thin breastband she wears. Rey's moaning into his mouth, Ben's other hand moves below the curve of her ass.

He can feel how wet she is through her trousers, Ben swears that he's _growling_ as he helps her grind into him. His lips claim hers as the ascension of her moaning begins, and when Rey's too lost in her orgasm to continue riding Ben on her own, he moves her hips for her until she's stopped shaking.

And once she does, Rey lifts herself enough to slip her fingers past his waistband, taking Ben's length in hand and stroking him. An unattractive whine leaves his throat at the sensation, he's also clinging to her with a tight enough grip that will leave indents and little bruises but oh, Ben can feel her smiling against his temple.

"I've got you," Rey whispers, quickening her pace. She's confident and determined and so _magnificent_. Her fingers can't even wrap all the way around his cock and his skin is absolutely vibrating with pleasure. 

Oh, she is _everything_ , his destiny, his love. She gently coats her fingers in his pre come, spreading it along his length, and Ben is _lost_ and she is the only one in the galaxy who can guide him home.

Rey's still smiling when his come spills onto her fingers, and she never stops holding him.

💫💫💫

As the afterglow is fading, Ben tells her about the last of their medical supplies and his hesitance with using the ladder. Rey understands, and she is the one who retrieves their things from the cabins attic. She lingers inside for longer than Ben thought the task would take, but when he peers inside to find her, she's digging through bags and pockets of the dead, gathering little things here and there that the two of them could use.

Ben knows by the delight that washes over her face that she finds clean gauze in a nameless man's jacket. After that, they sit side by side next to the stream while they wash their flesh and wounds. He and Rey take their time caring for the other, neither of them were ready to leave just yet.

Even though they had to.

💫💫💫

They decide against turning around, they don't look back at the cottage as they begin their trek towards,

Actually, Ben wasn't sure.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> there's only a week left of leo season, isn't that sad.
> 
> also dry humping is NICE i very much adore it but i promise that this ain't the last smut scene bc the next chapter will have [REDACTED] sooooooooo <3 <3 <3 <3


	29. Chapter 29

💫💫💫

He's staring at her, smiling. He's been doing quite a bit of that lately. Rey can feel Ben's eyes soaking her up as she twirls Qi'ras' lightsaber. Rolling the hilt over the back of her hand then into her palm. The movements are second nature and ideal, exactly like how she fights with her staff.

Rey tilts her head in his direction to catch his olive brown eyes, "I may just keep this." She tells him, fluttering the hilt back and forth so that sunlight can reflect off the metal.

Ben raises a skeptical eyebrow at her claim, "What about your new lightsaber? The _yellow_ one."

Ah, Rey hadn't forgotten about Lorle stealing both of their weapons on their first arrival. She had worked tirelessly in crafting her lightsaber, and a small voice whispers that if she turned to Ben stating _Let's go kill that kid and take our sabers back_ he would agree to whatever she said before she had finished speaking. Anything for them to spend more time together.

But there was another voice, one of reason that Rey wants to shut up and ignore. However, she can't keep herself from being guided by it. She looks back to Qi'ras saber.

"It's like you said before." Rey answers, "I'll make a new one like this," She could use her own staff as the blueprint, from everything she read about lightsabers in the Jedi text of old the task shouldn't be too difficult. However, truth be told, she was sick of the sacred texts.

But Rey thinks about notes that had been scribbled on the margins, the one left by an _'AT'_. As an afterthought, Rey adds "Maybe I'll even heal the crystal and use it for mine."

When her eyes return to Ben. His face is lost in an emotion that she's come to know only in these last few months. It's there in the way her friends look at her, the way Ben's _always_ looked at her, but she's never felt it so intensely until this moment.

It's everything, no longer too much.

Rey hopes he witnesses the same emotion in her, she hopes he knows that it burns just as brightly, that what she feels for him could outrival stars.

"What about you?" Rey questions, "What about _your_ lightsaber." She waits for a flame of rage to build in Ben, for him to put his foot down and demand they track down Lorle and kill the kid. She's ready to fight back with a weak argument that she won't mean because Rey would give anything for more time with him.

But, there is a newfound clarity in Ben as he considers his answer. Finally saying, "It might be time to let it go. Should be interesting, being without a weapon for once."

💫💫💫

It's astounding, the distance they manage to cover when they aren't fatally injured. Rey almost doesn't believe her eyes when she catches sight of a clearing and a great lake residing there. Dandorans sun has yet to set, the sky is still a glorious light blue that shines against the water.

It had taken them so little time to arrive where they had spent their first night. Now how changed they were. The deeper they walk into the clearing the more evidence Rey catches of their old camp sight. From ashes that lingered to fish bones that were still being chewed on by hungry felines.

Something about the area prompts Ben to reach for her hand, lacing their fingers together. Rey knows that realistically, they could continue traveling. Kriff, if they _really_ moved then they both could reach their respective ships before the sky was truly dark.

Tonight was to be her last on Dandoran, or was that last night? Rey couldn't remember anymore, she just knew that they should keep walking, they couldn't stay any longer. The Resistance was expecting her, Ben had his own army to lead and -

💫💫💫

Rey is the one to suggest setting up camp, Ben agrees and holds onto her hand just a little tighter.

💫💫💫

She knows it's inevitable. The truth exists between them in lingering looks and brushes of hands. Ben takes such care with setting up the bedding, his knuckles white as he tries not to think about it. Still wanting to offer her perfection and romance, but Rey's body _burns_ with his watching. She can feel the shift in the bond as he watches her, falling farther and farther.

And Rey, well, they have portions so there's no need to catch food. She only needs to gather wood and twigs for a fire. Night is hours away still, but it's all there is to do before - Her hand stops before she picks up a long stick, for next to it is a collection of lacy flower buds.

Rey takes great care in gathering them in her palm.

The atmosphere that settles over them as they set up camp doesn't belong to sorrow or melancholy. The feeling is thick with the sense of a promise, something they're both waiting for, it's - an inevitability.

If they were both returning to their separate factions, then outside of the bond they would only see one another on the battlefield. Rey was no longer sure why they were so dead set on returning anymore, but she was sure about _one_ thing.

💫💫💫

Their wants and desires are not spoken allowed, they both remain quiet as their bond _screams_ everything they could need to say.

Rey hands him the gathering of flowers first, allowing her hand to linger there for a moment before she set about arranging the firepit.

Ben arranges the flowers to his liking, which might inevitably delay what they are both wanting as he continuously picks them all up and tries again when the layout isn't perfect.

Rey watches him for some time, quietly removing her jacket and shoes. After a moment, Rey thinks that Ben is trying to spell something out with the flowers, but he imminently stops when she takes notice.

He eventually settles for a random scatter of them. There's a twitch below his eye stating his dissatisfaction with his work, but Rey doesn't mind. "It's perfect," She whispers, this might not be what either of them had spent three months fantasizing over, but it was something that they could do right.

Ben holds her in a soft look, then begins removing his boots.

💫💫💫

Ben's so soft with her, all of that rage and fire that he exudes in life is only an extension of his former mask. All of it hiding a man so full of love, and that's what surrounds the area as her hands reach for his face.

They existed now in a peace that has been long since overdue in their lives, perhaps they didn't deserve it, then again no one deserves anything, but they were _owed_ better. Both of them were owed more than stolen moments without sorrow or suffering.

Their virtue and destiny had been written in the stars and they had defied it. When the force had shown them each a possibility of the future they denied it.

Whatever waits for them after this moment would not offer them kindness or longing stares, and they had every right to refuse it. They were bound forever by a string of their own design, their own personal universe created just for them.

So they allow themselves this moment, they allow themselves to linger without considering the will of the stars or consequences or anything else that would cast judgment upon them.

💫💫💫

Rey moves to crawl into his lap once again but Ben urges her down onto her back with gentle touches. He cradles the back of her head in one hand while the other slips behind the small part of her waist, arching her against him. When Ben's tongue laps at her lower lip, Rey parts her mouth with a soft breath.

Ben tastes like rebirth and humanity. His tongue is liquid velvet, tasting every inch of her. Rey greedily drinks in the sensation of him. Loose strands of Ben's hair has fallen, cascading in the space between them, tickling her cheek with light brushes. 

Rey locks her arms around his neck, pulling him closer to her. She works her tongue against him and feels the vibration of his moan, the sounds Ben makes have her clit throbbing in time with the flicking motions he sets in her mouth.

He's roaming his hands down her curves and slowly pushing them back up, during his wandering his touch brushes the sides of her breasts which steals gasps from her lungs. There is still a throbbing between her thighs that beg to be addressed, Rey's legs spread with the intention trapping Ben on either side of them but only one of his thighs is secured.

Even if it wasn't what she had been aiming for, his one thigh is still the size of a tree trunk and Ben steadies a grip on her ass to grind into her. Flashes of white dots scatter across her vision when he repeats the friction and _stars_ how she loves dry humping.

Rey's suddenly driven by the desire to feel more of him, to see him bare.

Fisting the material in hand, she lightly tugs against it, allowing Ben a moment to understand what she wants before she continues her attempt at removing his sweater. However, she does such a poor job of it that Ben has to pull away from her, a rush of cold air breezes past her. His warmth being lost from her, even for only a few heartbeats.

Oh, but at least she gets to watch.

Rey's seen him shirtless before, the first time she had witnessed the pale broad expanse of Ben's chest. She had been so flustered and caught off guard that she had trouble meeting his eyes.

She's seen him bare quite a few times this past week, but Rey doesn't think she'll ever get used to the sight of him. Strong and sculpted like a gift meant just for her.

Rey runs her hand down the center of his chest, her touch centered over his muscles feeling him draw in deep breaths. Countless scars and freckles are laid across his flesh like thought out details an artist would add to their creation. Rey longs to press her lips against all his old wounds and request that he do the same for her.

And he would, his lips could very well make her body new again.

Leaning above her, Ben works his hands low on her waist, taking the hems of her tunic between his thumb and forefinger. He pools the material above her ribcage, the ends of her breast band now exposed to him.

His touch is _fire_ as he traces his fingers along her stomach, taking stolen seconds to write her name in four separate alphabets with his touch. Olive brown eyes hold her gaze as he lifts the tunic over her head, and politely drops the fabric to the ground.

Ben looks at her like she were a masterpiece, but she wasn't. 

Not yet.

Rey is the one to unclasp her breast band, watching how his breathing flutters at the sight of her bare breasts. She the only thing in the universe, that's what his expression tells her. Ben's eyes flicker to her face twice before he drops down.

Spreading a mess of kisses across the swell of Rey's chest before taking her right breast into his mouth.

Rey's head rolls back when his tongue runs over her nipple. Unknowable pleasure burning her skin just as it pools between her thighs.

Ben takes his time sucking on her breasts as though Rey was a delicacy meant to be savored, only deterred by her insistent moans for _more_. She needed more of his skin, more of his touch. 

He relents to her demands while her tit remains in his mouth. Strong calloused hands slipping over her hips and under the elastic of her trousers and, _oh_ it's just like when he'd eaten her out the other night.

Her hips rise in some ancient instinct, making the effort easier for him. A sigh of relief sings from her skin at newfound freedom. Ben's movements stalls at times to run his thumb over the red markings left by the too-tight leggings.

Her smalls follow next, and oh how Ben takes an excruciating amount of time. Rey knows that her face must be flushed and there's so much desperation in the way she urges him to work faster.

But her unspoken plea only tugs at his lips, exposing dimples as he delights in her reaction to him. For _this_ was how the wicked man wanted her, mad with desire and begging for him. 

Her tit falls from his mouth with such an erotic sound that Rey can't prevent her blush, a trail of spit continues to connect them until Ben breaks it. Kissing a path down her abdomen, lower and lower until her cunt was between his pillowy lips.

Ben runs his tongue down her dripping slit, gathering her arousal before lapping at her clit. Her thighs are pressed against his ears, bracketing him in place, and Rey is a weak woman. Hoarse shots fall from her vocal cords as Ben swirls his tongue around her clit.

His hand is forced to squeeze past her hold in it's approach to her cunt. Ben licks up her slit with a single fat stroke, opening her up enough so that his finger may pad lightly against her entrance.

Her abdomen is in coils, a hot flush dropping and _dropping_ from within her as he gently slips his fingertip inside.

There isn't any pain, it's only unexpected and not uncomfortable more unknown.

And Ben doesn't press any further, he thrusts that little bit in slow motions while he works her with circling kisses on her clit. He only pushes more of his finger inside once her arousal as allowed him.

Rey must be _dripping_ with how hot she feels, she thinks she can hear Ben murmuring something about how wet she is but Rey can't hear him over the blood roaring in her ears.

When a second finger slips inside, a shocked gasp follows. There is a suggestion of pain that's eased with the vast amount of pleasure building within her, but Rey still notices it. As does Ben, who suckles on her clit with renewed vigor.

And perhaps his actions have the opposite intention because before he's able to slip the second finger inside any more Rey is coming. Shock waves pulsing inside of her, and Ben licks her through it.

Eventually, he is able to slip his second finger all the way inside, working and stretching her cunt for what comes next.

Rey is a woman undone, her pleasure building anew quickly, her second promised orgasm swimming up behind her eyes so soon after she's come. There is so much of Ben inside of her, and there is still so much leftover.

When his fingers slip out, she is a woman destroyed by the feeling of emptiness. Ben locks his lips onto hers as he runs his fingers along her cunt. His thumb working a few rolls on her clit as he lathers his fingers in her arousal.

He's so close to her, Rey can feel every movement of his muscles. She feels how he moves when he coats his erection with her arousal. Rey moans knowing that, she isn't sure why it turns her on so, Rey only knows she's lost in it.

With his cock fisted in hand, Ben breaks their kiss, watching her carefully as he asks, "Are you sure?"

Rey widens the spread of her legs, licking the taste of herself off her lips as she answers, "Yes, I want you, Ben."

💫💫💫

He slips inside of her slowly, allowing her all the time she needs to adjust to his size yet there is so much more to him than Rey could have imagined. 

Her nails dig into his skin with enough force to cut him open. Rey wants to be careful about hurting him, but the pain of him entering her in so indescribable. It's enough to turn her vision watery while the pleasure of the act makes her want more.

Her cunt pulling in further while her body objects. Ben's face is buried in her neck, his large frame trembling above her as he slowly pulls out centimeters before gently pushing back inside.

💫💫💫

When he's buried inside her completely, Ben wraps his arms around her. Rey holds onto him as though he's the only thing keeping her from shattering. He kisses her shoulder and whispers sweet words about how good she feels and how beautiful she was.

Once her body relaxes enough, Ben still takes his time. Keeping his thrusting short and slow until her cunt is ready for more.

💫💫💫

Rey comes again with his name on her lips and the sensation of his come spilling inside of her just moments later.

Ben doesn't cease kissing her face, not even after they've both fallen limp, side by side.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> today has been the worst day of leo season for me but i'll still miss it once it's gone
> 
> speaking of gone, the next chapter will be the last. i'd like to think that someday i'll post maybe a long epilogue chapter, and i do have it planned out but it's not something i'm ready to write at this moment.
> 
> thank you all for reading, and may your zodiac season bring you peace.


	30. Chapter 30

💫💫💫

Once he's softened, Ben slips out of her, a rush of their combined fluids following his absence. Rey's still lost in some other plane of existence, the world between worlds. She's only vaguely aware of him kissing her face and whispering words of love.

Ben covers their bodies with one of the thicker covers, protecting them from the outside world. Rey's surrounded by his warmth, his smell. The sun has long since vanished below the horizon and the sky is quickly filling with stars.

He holds her in his embrace the entire night, even as he's moments away from sleep Ben still presses soft kisses in her hair. His skin feels like home, warm and safe. Rey presses her ear against his chest, and his heartbeat is her sirens call to slumber.

💫💫💫

They know what comes next, they've both known for some time.

When the last sunrise the two of them will ever see on Dandoran comes, Ben is the first to wake. He dresses himself quickly, preparing them food and watching over her until she wakes.

He asks Rey if she's feeling alright, if she's in any pain. Ben offers her cold water, promising that one day he'll take better care of her. That he'll love her better than before.

But the pain that lingers from their first time has dulled, present but struggling to keep up with the elated emotions flooding Rey. She tells Ben that he doesn't have to promise her anything, he's enough. Actually, he's more than enough.

Rey tells him as much, watching his olive brown eyes bleed love and warmth. Slowly, Ben leans towards her, waiting for her to close the remaining distance. Rey no longer believes in the paradox of distances, because when she meets him halfway their lips touch.

💫💫💫

With intertwined hands, Rey and Ben make their way back to his ship, crossing the river, walking past where she had broken her ankle, past where they had met. The feeling that follows them is _strong_ and resounding. This isn't a farewell,

Saying that she's been born again isn't accurate, Rey's _grown_. She's abandoned her pride and insecurities, no longer allowing herself to drown in sorrow, no longer pretending to be any more or any less than she is.

💫💫💫

They uncover his ship together, tossing aside leaves and dirt. She knows he's trying to say goodbye but the words won't pass his lips, Ben's waiting for her confirmation. Allowing her the option without begging or yelling.

He opens the hatchet to his ship with a flick of his wrist. Olive brown eyes holding her gaze, Ben's mouth is hanging open, trying to say something. Looking at her with red rimmed eyes, clouded with tears just as hers were.

Ben won't ask her to join him in ruling the galaxy.

Just as she won't ask him to join the Resistance.

It was no longer about the desire to fix or turn the other.

But rather, to simply be together. To find the other in the middle. They should have known that they couldn't leave this planet without the other. There was never any other way, which is why the next words that leave Rey are,

"Take me somewhere green."

Her voice shakes but she is certain of her request. Ben is choking on his hope, allowing Rey one last chance. His thumb brushes over the back of her hand. "There's only one seat in my ship," Ben warns.

Rey smiles and repeats, "Please Ben, take me somewhere green."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> from aquarius season to leo season, from me to you <3
> 
> follow me on twitter <3 https://twitter.com/BringMeJavaAO3


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